Script Idea. Give me your thoughts (not an actual story, just idea)

[Ryu]

I am currently trying my luck with a script format. The dialogue will all be in script form, yet the actual explanations will be done in third person narrative like I usually do.

Here's the idea. It's an infant, and I don't want to give away too much. Give me a thumbs up if you like it.

The story takes place in Japan. I think in the near future. It's somewhat dark at times, but light when "innocence" is around. The story deals with a strange figure who rides into a rather decrepit part of Tokyo, issuing some kind of challenge to the many gangs and criminals in the particular area. (We don't know why until later)
The man is usually quiet, and is sometimes monk-like, spotting a shaved head. He wears a black leather jacket usually, and is pretty muscular.

He is extremely gentle to the innocent people in the area, but seems to have an alterior motive. He is fighting gangs at night, working his way up to Yakuza members, and false-religious zealots who plot in kidnapping a female who is working to rid the city of some of its more "immoral and criminal" elements. She is a spirited young woman, and breaks a lot of stereotypes. Yet despite her strength, she is in over her head, and in immense danger. The figure joins up with her, and they have to work together when strange circumstances befall them. There is something very sinister about to befall many in the country, and little by little, the mystery of what that is begins to be discovered by the male/female team.

the figure leaves a calling card that reads but a single "name".... (I can't tell you what it is. :D)

I want this to be kind of a surreal/martial arts type fantasy set in a futuristic Tokyo setting.
As always there is lots of my personal stuff in it, and lots of good vs evil, philosophical battles, and inner questioning that must be met.

I know it's not really telling you all the details, but I like copyrighting my stuff before I do anything anyway. So tell me if you like the idea or not. :)

(if an animated thing, the music would be somewhat composed and some techno type mixes as well...)
Ryu

http://lavender.fortunecity.com/powell/123/Imagenes/kenshin.jpg

Rimpleback Pumpernickle Kez Kez Vuy Tranh Yanagasawa Fujikage Fistibuns....
the lost son of the Fistibuns clan...


"One who takes pride in shallow knowledge or understanding is like a monkey who delights in adorning itself with garbage."

[toddbringewatt]

Sounds great so far! Good luck, Ryu!!!

"Bruce Leroy. That's who!"

[scotty1]

Sounds pretty cool man.
I can almost see it.

"Some people, irrespective of skill, are just wankers." -Satanachia

[Ryu]

The only thing is, this isn't really a "kid friendly" story. The other fantasy one I have is more for general audiences (though kinda adult in some of the content)

This one is a bit more dark, and kind of expresses my angers for things I find disgusting, "wrong", unjust, etc.
Obviously I keep to my "rules" of what I do and don't do in a story, but this one will definitly be for more mature audiences.

I guess that's fine though, as long as you know who your audience is.

Ryu

[Mr. Nemo]

What you have sounds cool...but how do they meet? Who are the immoral and criminal elements? Most importantly, is the girl hot?

[Jowbacca]

The religious zealots thing sounds like this anime with these psychic folks; and this detective that rescues this little girl from her dream or something.

Not sure how big or realistic you want this to be; but u may wanna hire a consultant for some of the stuff- like the mentality, geography, etc for tokyo, tokyo people, and the yakuza. Otherwise, u might wanna stick to something you know a little better.

This is not an insult or anything; but a good analogy of not doing the homework would be like Rumble in the Bronx: an okay action/stunt flick with jackie chan, not a real decent/cool depiction of the underworld of NYC. I'm talking mentality of the characters as well as the specifics of the dress, geography, rituals, labels, etc. Heaven forbid anyone make any kind of show about doctors, lawyers, or military without having a fulltime consultant on hand.

I've only had a few experiences with Kyuu Ryu organization down south. So it's not like i'm hooked up with the big whigs in Tokyo or an expert on the subject. I would just like to mention that I haven't really seen an american movie yet that accurately depicted the subject matter you're talking about- except MAYBE Black Rain with Kirk Douglas, and even that was rife with western constructs.

Living in the States, you've got a wealth of information on rituals, elements, attitudes, and mentalities of the underworld here, as well as the average person- which you could write about and presentcredibly. The more credible the environment, the cooler the story. If you want a futuristic, Blade Runner type of thing, then there's no reason u couldn't transform places, people, and things you know into futuristic stuff.

This is just my $.02. I'm just tryin to help with some constructive criticism; to help you with writing your story. Good luck on it, I'm writing something myself. I'm at the crossroads of whether i want to keep it set in this small, unpopular society that i know; or whether i want to go more universal with it and make it some nameless spot in some alternate universe/future. The second would mean taking the time to explain and give background to certain aspects of the story that would otherwise just be familiar cultural constructs for that small society.

[Ryu]

Lost_Disciple,
thanks for the imput man! I'm very aware of that, and this is why I chose Tokyo, Japan as a setting. I've lived there for a short while when going out with a Japanese girl some years back.
Since then, I have been involved mostly with Japanese exchange students from different parts of the country, whether they be Kansai, Tokyo, or even as far away as Okinawa (technically its own culture)
Since my closest friends are students from Japan, and since I'm going back there in the next couple years to teach English, I feel I have a good working knowledge of the culture.
But aid and help are definitly important. That's why I always have Japanese people close by when dealing with anything that has to do with their country.

Thanks again for your post!

Ryu

[Sum Sing Wong]

I too have been tring to come up with a script in my spare time. I'm going along the lines of a Final Fantasy type story but J-anime action. I probly wont but my mind to it until I can find a person who can draw anime the way I like it. I try to draw but I can't get past the head an on to making the body porportional to the head. As for music I would go with J-pop all the way man you can't beat J-pop for and opening, for fights hard metal, and for times when you feel like crying a nice soothing medoly that makes you wanna cry more. By the way I like premise of the story, be sure to tell us when you finish it.
Peace

[Ryu]

ttt
for KC Elbows

Ryu

[Leonidas]

Is it Anime or live action. Anime would be way better. More possibilities. Less actors to pay, better acting;) Less chance of having cheesy special effects. No wire work! I always appreciate a good cartoon more than anything else (Akira, Ghost in a Shell, Robotech, Street Fighter ,Ninja Scroll to a certain extent, Simpsons etc.......):D GOOD LUCK on your script. Take your time so it won't suck. Masterpieces always take longer. Not like overnight Hollywood garbage.

[Ryu]

This one would be good for animation, but if I ever got that far with it, the anime would be a much more "mature" styled manga style rather than the "pokemon, Card Captor" stuff I don't like at all :D

The story seems to be working good, but "anime" is seen as so "otaku" or nerdy by a lot of Japanese, that it needs to have a different flavor I think. Anime is good, but this is an "Akira" styled story, not Dragonball ;)

Ryu

[respectmankind]

I think the idea is cool, but you might want to rethink some of it, (atleast in my view) such as the way it is set in teh future, but seems to have some primative social practices in it. i mean, you may tie it together great, like how they did in 'the hunted'. just my input

[Tainan Mantis]

Ryu,
This is what I have deduced from your story summary:

INTRO-

Strange figure-
Will he win his battles against the evil people?
So we will be introduced to an awesome fighter who never loses against amazingly slim odds, right?

Young woman-
Will she be kidnapped?
I assume she will, in which case the next conflict would be-Will Strange figure rescue her? What impossible situation must he overcome to succeed?

MEETING-
You didn't mention what type of chemistry goes on between them.
Since most viewers want a relationship, I assume you will make it happen. This is usually the most important thing as we can all identify with the emotion of love and the difficulties in finding it.
Somehow they were meant for each other but circumstances make their getting together almost impossible.
(Westerners like the guy to get the girl, but here in Taiwan and China a lot of local flicks end in depressing tragedy. It is like spending all afternoon to bake a b-day cake and as you are pulling it out of the oven you drop it on the floor.)

THE PAIR-
Tension-What tragedy lies in the country's destiny?
-How will they overcome it?
-How does the relationship between these two people evolve?
-What philosophy do you deal with and how does it increase the tension of the story?
-Does the philosophy create conflict within someone?
Eg. What should I do in X situation? Follow a gut feeling? Dogma? Philosophy?
And, will the different paths have hugely different outcomes for the future of the story?

It looks like you have picked something you are interested in writing about.
One thing I like about coming up with stories is that the writer, in a way, is a representation of God who holds everyone's destiny in his pen.

[Ryu]

Well I can't give the details. I'm almost finished with the first script though... want it to be like a 10 part mini-series, for like TV kinda thing. Anime would work well, but mature-style manga, not kiddy people with the huge eyes, and all that.

Uh....well this girl has a very special connection to the main guy, that she finds out later. She's just as important to the story (if not more so) than he is.
She IS in danger, and people do want her out of the picture, so obviously there is quite the conflict...
however can't say much more than that :D

I have some strict rules of what can and can't happen in one of my stories, but I am pretty good at keeping the suspense, action, and twists, going.

Ryu