Serious Problem

[Johnny Hot Shot]

This is a question for the instructors or those of you who work with teenagers.

I have a girl in my class she's quite talented and I spend a little extra time training with her.

Now here's the problem. She has developed a crush on me. She's 16.

What the H3LL do I do? Do I need to talk to her or do I just ignore it and hope that it goes away?

Yeah, yeah like bruce lee says, but I don't want to embarass her and have her stop training.

This sucks :(

[respectmankind]

tell it to her straight, but remember tact. don't be the fake i care about your training either, and don't do the fake straigt talk. (not sure if you know what i mean)

[Satanachia]

Three words.....I am gay:D

[Satanachia]

But seriously, that's a tough position there.

You could either go for the straight out face to face thing, which is to be admired and respected, cause god knows its hard to do.

Or if you don't like that idea, and have some significant other or something, you could try to make it so that your seen with them in such a way that it leaves little doubt to your status together.

Either than that and wild outrageous schemes that would be considered either cruel, hilarious, or possibly involving spoons and small mammals, that's about all i can offer.:D

[wushu chik]

First off....give me the signs that she has a "crush" on you, and then, I can fully tell you how to handle it....because she may just really look up to you as a role model, and someone that she can trust, but I won't know until I have found out the "signs".

[Johnny Hot Shot]

I wonder if you'll get That reference;)

She has called me on my cell phone about ohh every second day for the last week or so and she has also invited me to her dance recitle.

Hmm, I guess Bruce was right .

[KungFuGuy!]

If I were you, I'd go for her. Of course, it's not illegal for me :D

My advice on this subject isn't worth much, but I guess you'll just have to set her straight.

[wushu chik]

Sheesh, I am not THAT young!!! Tesla Rocked!! Anyways, yeah, she has a FAT crush. Personally, I think you should just put it to her with the "you know the age difference is really a prob for me" type thing....and redirect her crush into something different. Just tell her that you are there for her as her INSTRUCTOR....but that's all. Hey, I know teenagers, and it will last for oh, about a month, until there's a cute boy at school she likes more!!

[Johnny Hot Shot]

LOl @ Tesla.

Funny Chick, ;)

[wushu chik]

Hey, uh, Sharky.....can you PLEASE get your mind off a piece of A$$ for a moment?? That would help....yeah, thanks!!!!!!

Sick B@ST@RD!!

[Richie]

I think you should stop with the extra help (slowly). Be a little more strict with her in practice.

That gay thing isnt such a bad idea.

Talk to her folks, but tell them not to say anything to her.

Introduce her to fellow students around her age.

[straight blast]

Be careful with this one. Make sure that you always have lots of other people around when you're doing the extra training stuff. If she gets nasty after you've let her understand the full deal then you can't afford to be spending time alone with her.
I lead heaps of camps with teenagers and this happens to me every camp. Not that I'm hot s**t or anything, but young girls often get a thing for older guys who treat them with respect (i.e. a leader or instructor). I've found the best way to do this is to just be casual with them, and not allow any time in which the relationship stuff can happen.
For example, the dance recital. Just say "Sorry, I've gotta go do (insert something that would totally bore the crap out of a teenager)" or even hint that you're going to be seeing someone.
Thank them for the offer, but make it clear that you're not interested. Start scanning your calls on your mobile. I lead church camps and they are so strict on this 'cos if anything goes on we lose the camps forever and the church gets sued, hammered, whatever.
Be real careful in this age of litigation my friend...

[Nichiren]

The best thing is to appear as if you haven't noticed it! If she is a teenager the crush will pass and everything is going to be fine. Why complicated things?

Sharky, I was going to say that you are sick but then I remembered the story about the scorpion and the frog... You just can not help it. ;)

[Robinf]

Having been a teenage girl who had crushes on male teachers, just ignore it and it will pass. If she acts on it (asks you out, or something), then you can say something. But, until then, just leave it and the crush will pass.

Robin

[Metal Fist]

FYI: Tesla didn't do the song "Signs" first, it came out in the early '70s' by the "Five Man Electrical Band", yes I am that old.
Tesla did do a real decent cover version though.

Secondly, have a thorough talk with the girl about the situation, if it doesn't sink in then avoid her like the plague.:D

[Johnny Hot Shot]

Ok I appreciate the advice, really I do.

I have been kind of stressed about this whole thing. I'm going to wait and let it pass if thet does'nt work I will have to talk with her. Once again I really appreciate the advice especially frome the Women.

[shaolinboxer]

Ignore it.
Say no to her invitations.

I mean really ignore it, not harbor fantasies so that you feel you're avioding temptation.

Your a MA instructor. You have discipline, right ;) ?

[Nexus]

It sounds like you are the one with the crush on her and you just want our support to make you feel like the good guy! You are sooooooo bad :)

Ya know.. I used to practice celebacy.. until I was about 14.. Now I celebate here, and celebate there.. ermm :P

- Nexus

[Water Dragon]

1. Is she hot?
2. Can you beat up her dad?

[nightair]

It'll pass

[TenTigers]

Okay, first thing, go out and rent, "Play Misty For Me", "Fatal Attraction" and "The Crush"-ya gotta do yer homework!
Now, ignore the crush, pair her off with people her age-ALWAYS! Have other people around-ALAWYS! This will have her keep her distance as well, and it protects you-very important just in case she reacts in a negative way, which can be anythng from accusing you of comming on to HER, to rape. Cover your assets. Sixteen is still a child. She may look like a woman, but she has a child's emotions, and can be very spiteful. This is dangerous to you, and your carreer. Any accusation is a witch hunt, you are guilty untill proven innocent-and the neighborhood will never buy it-ever. I know, I have daughters, and if there was even a hint of foul play, guilty or innocent, I would pull my kids out of there so fast, your head would spin.
Oh, and change your cell phone number, you have no buisness even giving it out to her. (What were you thinking?-yeah, I know. I love my students, I care for them and I am there for them, and teens sometimes need someone to talk to, vent, cry, what have you, but you see where this gets you when you become TOO accessable) get a new phone with caller ID as well. Please, be careful.
In our neck of the woods, a "sifu" spurned the advances of a female student, and she cried "kid toucher' about her daughter, and said he came on to her. They circulated a bulliten over the net, and plastered his face everywhere. To this day, nobody knows whether he is right or wrong. The woman has a less than clean bill of mental health. Still, nobody will ever trust this guy again. We all love Micheal Jackson, but would you let him babysit your kid?

[Stacey]

ok, Johnny, your 30, when you were 17, she was 1.

Your hardwired to **** a 16 year old. Society frown on that, so move to another society if you really want to **** a 16 year old. Hey I'm 17 and I'm no kid. I have a woman's feelings. I should be raising kids, our society wants us to marry at 30, and if your traditionall or don't want to risk working at a donut shop, no ****ing before then. By then your bones are half dust and your ****ing a sagging remnant of what was once beautifull. Yes many women are beautifull in older age, but most really glow at 15-17. Its not fair, thats just life.

but remember yourself when you were 16, would she have dated you then? Would she be so ambitious to stick your pee pee in her mouth? Maybe not, but then woman are hard wired to like older men that can provide more in case something does happen. This is why money is so **** sexy. Also there is something about those hints of grey hair that is far sexier than any high school guy can be.

Of course there is great risk. But if you don't some dirty old man will. He'll do a bad job and she'll be a spitefull person. What would Don Juan de Marco do? Are you a man or passion or of princible? How sweet would it be? On the other hand she may be a bad kisser, all teeth, nervous, reluctantly letting your hands roam as she has flashbacks of her uncle touching her. She may be a cold fish when it comes to sex, then when you have finished and you realised that you just used a child, you may cry and then return when you are *****, when you remember her as being a woman.... and by force of will take her again and again.

Then again, you may fall in love, get married and live hapilly ever after.

[MonkeySlap Too]

I think the advice from the women is sound - but do be careful, always have someone else around.

Most young girls get over this, but if you have a spiteful one, you can be so screwed.

I have found that the 'make it look like you already have a life' mode works very well - especially if you are private and do not share details. Which again helps build a professional barrier.

Be clear, honest, and most of all careful.

[GunnedDownAtrocity]

i'm with sharkey.

if you turn her away she might go psycho b!tch on your ass and stirr up trouble.

better to just give her a hot beef injection every chance you get.

make her give you lots of head too.

it's hard to talk sh!t with a co ck in your mouth.

[Sharky]

****in mods

[MaFuYee]

johnny h.s. (wink wink nudge nudge say no more...)

if i understand your post correctly; you are saying, the problem is this: i've seduced this 16 y.o. girl, and now i don't know what to do, because i never dreamed that my grossly inappropriate fawnings would succeed, in enticing this young and innocent little girl. - please tell me that i shouldn't act upon my depraved desires, so i can chicken out, and run away, while still protecting my ego, by allowing me to pretend i'm clinging to the moral high ground, while in fact, the truth is, i'm just too much of a nancy; too freaked out by the sin.

:D

[Sharky]

geez, just act disinterested

[GunnedDownAtrocity]

or tell her you got the aids.

[kungfuyou]

Like most said, DON'T give her any "special" attention. ALWAYS have someone around. Treat her like any other student. She likes the fact that you treat her special, ALL WOMEN DO!!
Be very careful, she's young, very impressionable, and she can ruin the rest of your life if your NOT CAREFUL!! Act like you have a girlfriend, you have a life, and she just can't be part of it, other than her KF training.

[Water Dragon]

Act like you have a life.

LOL @ KungFuYou :D

[Chang Style Novice]

A pre-emptive strike is always best in these situations. File a sexual harassment suit.

That'll show her!

(joking, I hope you could tell)

[wisdom mind]

you are a role model
that is supposed to help her grow
you are a symbol of what an ideal male is
(strong, skilled, respectful)

never do anything that would make her think that
all men fall into the category of users of women

be direct if you have to and let her know how cool martial arts are redirect her energies to her style development

tell her that if she calls you all the time you will have to charge her extra for private lessons

be careful with the parents, some dads would take her right out of the class if they knew their daughter was lookin at the sifu

easy

[Johnny Hot Shot]

MaFuYee ROTFLMAO funny Sh!t Dude.

Stacey you are one seriously warped chick. Good for you.

Alright, I'm not the one with the crush.

I'm going to ignore it for now and be sure not to give any extra attention to her as well I will act very disinterested.

I will try with the unobvious, if things get worse then I will have to say something.

Something like what? I have yet to decide.

[straight blast]

I thought Stacey was a man posting as a woman? Is Stacey really a chick? She sounds way too much like a guy.
No sir, I don't like it.
Don't trust him/her/it (pick one) :D
This is a serious statement too. I'm sure I remember a couple of fellas talking to (and about) Stacey being a guy & him admitting it.
If not, Sorry Stacey!
It wouldn't be the first mistake I've made, but it certainly would be the first one I've made about questionable gender!

[prana]

thank god I am too ah-g-hrih to have this problem,

also I dont teach....I am da stoodent :)

[halfling]

I doubt that she really wants to seriously hook up with your or anything. The fact that you are the instructor and that you have the power is very intruiging to her. More often than not, a younger student will be attracted to their teacher, instructor whatever. it happens in school too. Just let her know that she isn't welcome to call you on your cell phone. When she calls just say, hey i have to go talk to me about it at class. I wouldn't necessarily talk to her about it, it would be an awkward situation for both of you then. Maybe she just wanted attention and then you tell her that you dont want to get with her -- might scare her off to much ya know? Just ease into it by only having your encounters be during class. You probably wont be able to completely get rid of the crush but at least it will make you feel good. She probably listens well and tries to impress you. If nothing else it keeps her motivated to train. Don't let this come in the way of you teaching her. Just try to slowely nudge her out of your private life so she wont feel so close to you. And enjoy her admirations from afar.

[Stacey]

look, I was only joking before. I was trying to freak you out a little. I really think you need to consider this girls feelings and do whats appropriate as an adult. Its fun to indulge in a little fantasy. There is a teacher at my high school whose name sounds like Zvakage and we call him Mr. Package because he has a huge package and always sits with his legs far apart. We talk
about him in the bathroom and make it through his boring ass class by just imagining. But none of us would really do it. We flirt with him, but I don't think any of us would really **** him. I think it would hurt anyways, that guy has got to be BIG.

[Johnny Hot Shot]

Stacey you are crazy and a bit annoying.

Well I tryed not to pay too much attention to her tonight and divert her attention elsewhere. I thought I had succeded because she seemed to be more interested in another instructor.

At 10:30PM she called me. :(
I missed the call but she left me a lengthy message about her dance recitle and for me to call her back tonight.

I don't think that ignoring this is the answer. I'm going to have to let her know the facts. I'm just not too sure what the Fu(k too say.

[KungFuGuy!]

Yeah, stacy is a guy. He went by the name nutt'n'funny (or something to that effect) and would brag about his beautiful sweedish girlfriend. Stacy, you are probably a repressed ****sexual, seek help.

[PaleDragon]

try to hook her up w/ some 16 yr old student you have.

[reemul]

Have your girlfriend pick you up from class
If you don't have a girlfriend get someone to fake it.

Make it look like your unavailable.

If that doesn't work....I know people. hahhahaha

[Robinf]

This girl should never have called you. She shouldn't have your home phone number.

Since she has initiated a step, something to let her down easy might be the simple fact of your age differences, or you have someone else. You also need to let her know that it's inappropriate for her to call you. You are only her teacher and really that's all you can be for her, and bring up the age difference again--that you are an adult and she is still a "minor", so there can be nothing beyond your being her teacher. Just remind her somehow that she's a kid and you're not.

Does that help?

Robin

[halfling]

Hello again, If you can't catch her when she calls you, talk to her in class. Just be causual and say, "Hey, you really shouldn't call me at home. The best way to reach me is to just talk to me here when we train." I still don't think you should upfront talk to her about liking you. Being a young woman, I would have felt very uncomfortable if my older, male instructor came up to me and said something along the lines of "i know you like me, but its not gonna work out." I don't know how your training is, but our class is pretty physical and it would have made a riff in the atmosphere. I would use that as a last last resort. Plus it prolly wont stop her from liking you. Just try to get the point across she cant call you at home. Also, is it a dance recital where shes dancing up on stage and your sitting in the audience? if so, tell her you will come watch and either show up with a girl or dont show up at all. it will give her the imipressoin that she isnt a priority in your life. But dont go up to her the next time you see her and say, "im so sorry i couldn't show up something came up." if yor going to say anything at all say, "oh yeah, well i didn't really feel like going. " or tell her you had a date or you were cleaning house or washing your hair, etc. i wouldn't recommend talking to her upfront about not liking you. just too weird, esp with the age gap and all.

[Water Dragon]

Seroulsly, you shouldn't even be playing this game. What does her mom look like? Now THAT could be fun.

Or, you can try and play it like a sucio and wait till she's 19 or 20.

[Johnny Hot Shot]

It's on my card.

I'm going to talk to here and belive me I have been thinking of ways to tell her the straight truth as well as trying not to hurt her young ego.

[rubthebuddha]

halfling - just keep talking. you've spoken nuttin but gems so far.

johnny - as far as the student, i recommend jus encouraging her training -- a lot. just tell her that your proud of all the work that she's put in and all the extra effort is really paying off. tell her that you appreciate all that she does and you can't wait to see her progress further.

and keep telling her things that emphasize the student/teacher relationship (the NORMAL one, not the student/teacher relationship stuff seen in ginger fist's movie collection).

use your praise to both congratulate her as well as draw the line between the two of you.

sorry you're in this position. i hope it turns out for the best.

[MonkeySlap Too]

If your cell phone is on your card, let her know that it is expensive to receive calls on it and should only call when it relates to class - like missing a class.

Set boundries without being obvious that you are on to her feelings. Try to avoid embarrassing her as well as making her feel slighted.

It's tricky, but it can be done.

It's all about setting up the rules.

Funny thing - when I was studying hit medicine I got myself in the study group with some older nurses- they were at about my speed as far as ability to pick stuff up, so I wanted to work with them. Well one of them - one that was MUCH older than me, misinterpreted my generally friendly nature and developed a severe crush on me. I made it clear that I was otherwise engaged - indirectly, but she became spiteful nontheless. You really can't judge how someone will respond, especially when they are developing fantasies in thier own head.

So be very, very careful. And be thankful that it's not a mean spirited elderly nurse!

[halfling]

Wow, I hope you were being serious rtb, that was really nice of you. That is the first time anyone has said anything nice to me on here. I thank you for that.


(I'm sure this will be followed my many derogatory comments if i can trust the nature of the people who usually post here. :) )

[xiong]

I'll chip in my two cents if for no other reason than to get some post numbers back.

Most of the advice you've have gotten has been pretty decent, especially the stuff about encouraging her training while setting up a boundary which is the student teacher relationship.

Personally I would assess how I felt and go from there. If I felt uncomfortable about being alone with her I would get another student into those sessions immediately. If I felt too weird about going to her recital (didn't want to encourage her) I'd tell her I couldn't go. If I did go I might make a bee line for her parents. If you don't already know them it's a good opportunity. Are they people who are going to just assume you are a pedophile?

Basically you can't ignore it but you can address it by keeping your relationship friendly but formal. Getting to know the parents better so that they know what kind of person you are might help as well. I would not take the tack of "I know you like me and it can never work". That most likely will lead to a spiteful reaction on her part.

Hope this helps and has not been too redundant.

[rubthebuddha]

halfling: you ********!

there, got it out. i feel better now.

anyhoo, i'm just calling 'em how i seem 'em. your advice was genuine and will do wonders to help keep him out of more trouble (not to imply it's his fault).

as far as calling you a ********? i didn't mean it. i'm just no better than anyone else around here, that's all. :D

[halfling]

rub - i dunno what ******** means but i will just assume that all those stars mean you think i am a star in the sky :) dont worry i dont take anything personally esp from people who dont even know me. and i never said you were a good person or better than anyone else on the forum. just that you said something nice .... just kidding again.

[rubthebuddha]

well, we'll always have paris, i guess.

[Xebsball]

"Mr. Package" ????

Dude, you're a dude, no more doubts about that.


BTW, i'm downloading Gerardo's Rico Suave song, how do you think that will afect my kung fu training?

[Nexus]

An old but funny thread worth re-reading.