serious post

[diego]

charlie sheen is engaged to hottie denise richards=lucky *******

[diego]

see im such a spaz=
ARE YOU GUYS FAMILIAR WITH THE TERM-EAT BITTER

i went through a tripped out phase a couple of years ago,and thankfully i quit drinking a year before it started"or i would prolly be like gda".a bunch of friends were killt and things just fell apart all at once for a longtime.
so i just drowned it out with weed,and nicotine,,stopped bugging out,and quit getting stoned
but now i cant stop smoking cigarettes,i usually smoke 3-5 a day
now today for instance i have had 15 and ive only been awake for 8hours,now im just like blah,and cant train,smoke to much and you get burnt.

So my problem is I HATE SMOKING but it makes me feel so good.
see im a cynic when things arent swell
when things first fell i felt i had died,then obviosly through time the wounds healt,but i drowned it all out with the weed and nico-i mean just get blasted cuz i felt dead,then while high you have ambition,cuz you giggly.

now its years later and i find the scar disappeared but the cuts infected so to speak.
so im crazy yin/yang on the normal now,il wake up feel really good have a smoke eat food,now if i sitaround and smoke i get burnt and the slightest ****up can trigger melancholy and all i want todo is smoke.
its lame as hell cuz i didnt get over it on a chemistry level,the actual scenery and events is a phaded memory but the feelings are ghost in my bloodstream and the ****er wont stop going-oooooooooooooo
so i have a smoke-now with the adrenal-nico rush im giggly then i have another smoke and another eventually im burnt and even more melancholik then when i first litup
so im defending my wallett with my sword so i think but im stabbing my ass

so how do you guys eat bitter
you read in the cultural revolution survivors will speak on all i had was my kungfu and some rice to warm my heart:cool: :(

[friday]

ummm diego are u serious?
are u ok ?
don't smoke so much mateif u need to talk let me know
:)

[diego]

i already worked out the psyche ofitall
this is a forreal topic but its nothing serious like help me im bugging.

I just caught the impulse to bring this up,im wondering"it would be preferablle to get insight from masters who survived mao-and used thier kungfu as a spiritual barometer to keep them sane so to speak"from a kung fu perspective if you went through hell, and came out scarred-your greatfull to be living but your whole village was killed so your definatly not happy to be alive,what sort of spiritual traits on a purely physical level could you use to get back into the process of wanting to master your kungfu"see some reason this is hard to word,but its like a warriors midlife crises
you have seen your whole life disapear so its hell to start a new one,after what you have been through you would doubt if you would even want to=So from a philosophical standpoint im pondering the term eat bitter and how it relates to persecuted gungfu masters and my ambitions....
make sence??
so you think you have enough room for that book!!!
il send tonight
been busy"cluttered":D