Brothers: Please read, let me know what you think

[Ray Pina]

The following is an excerpt from my book: The first 70 pages is present time, a young man growing up in the projects, and becoming a young man, moving out, fulfilling dreams. Page 71 to so far 200 is a flashback to Ancient China and a story of a martial family. Every 50 pages or so the narrator chimes in, reminds you of the opening first person 70 pages. The two stories will unite at the end. Here is the latest, what I call "interjection" by the narrator. A blending of fact and fiction so to say. It's just my art. Nothing more or less.


We have a situation here …

We have a situation here …

We have a situation here …

And those that played the game will know what I mean.

I’ve developed a sort of a reputation. Evolution Fist, they know me online and know they are beginning to know me in Chinatown. I’ve fought the fights that have shown the way … but I’m not there yet.

I feel it.

At times it comes through me … rushing; like a raging river it wants to burst forth.

And it does. At times. But it’s my mind or my will or lack there of that turns a way. Then it goes. And I’m back. Here.

There’s a check in the mail and I know when I open it I’ll be $200 ahead. Or $200 back. But what does it really matter anyway.

For me to be where I am exactly right now does not happen by chance. It doesn’t. You can think what you want, about choices, about free will all you want.

But I didn’t want to be here! Never thought I could. But when the student is ready the master presents himself is what I’ve always heard.

And so it has begun.

But what?

You think your tough ’ till you meet someone good and then you’re done.

Or dead.

You think my friends knew they were going to go down by a bullet in the head?

It just does.

What it does.

So stop fighting it and be yourself … but don’t forget love.

And its love.

And sometimes it’s worse when you can really feel.

Because then you see.

And what is it about her, my Sihing?

I’m already in love – with the one – so how could it be?

But this is not a time for the heart. Too many variables and one must focus.

[yenhoi]

What the hell

:D

[Qi dup]

I can dig it man

[Water Dragon]

Lay off the drugs dude, it's not good for your training :D

[Ray Pina]

These little excerpts are to remind the reader (who by this point is in the middle of a tale taking place in ancient china and pretty heavily into it) that there is still the other story, the one the narrator began with, but regressed into a flashback.

All the characters are looking to complete soemthing in some way, though most aren't quite clear on what it is. Its not a reincarnation story, rather a microcosm of life and society. A tale of connection, and though one does not see it, what may seem incomplete to one person ( a life, a journey, ect.) is actually a small peace of a whole that will play out to fullfull itself, its Tao.

So what may have begun long ago may have to continue to be played out until it reaches its state of peace, acceptance, ect. The wheel continues to turn, just different players form its spokes.

Sort of. You'll have to read it ... after I write it.

[Qi dup]

oh I get it. So this is talking about the other story in your book, the modern one? THat's cool man, I really like stories like that. It has a real comic book feel to it. I like it, keep it up!

[Braden]

We have a situation here!

pow pow pow pow pow

Guards are on the lookout for a suspicious red dragon member.

[Ray Pina]

Exactly! I see you've played the game.

Qi Up, yea. I've actually follen in love with the characters to the ancient story (don't want to go into them yet, I'll be done by the fall and then have it copy written). I see it as the ultimate kung fu movie in my mind, so I want to get it out and have no regrets.

I'm at page 200 and having a lot of fun. 98 percent of the book is in normal prose, but my way of doing it. A bit different. But having alot of fun.

Thanks for the feed back,

[Mutant]

Could turn out to be a cool story EF, what a trip. Rough right now but thats to be expected of a first draft where you just pour out your ideas free form. Have fun with it and good luck.

[African Tiger]

Evolution: if you ever want to do a book adaptation and make your story a film, let me know. I'm a filmmaker/screenwriter in LA, and I love off the wall stories like that. Don't worry, I won't even think about hiring Leo DiCaprio, unless he'd like to be involved in catering! :D

It would certainly be more interesting than a lot of the b.u.l.l.s.h.i.t. that's been made into movies over the last ten years.

Email me through the forum if you want to talk about it. And don't worry about me stealing your idea. My personal code of ethics, plus my Christianity and pursuit of the ways of the Shaolin would preclude me from taking what isn't mine.

[Tae Li]

Yenhoi....I absolutely LOVE your avatar... nice one.;)

Tae Li

[anton]

Very nice stream-of-consciousness style. If you're interested in developing this style of writing try reading SOme Tim Winton's Minimum of Two . Its a compilation of short stories - many of them written in a style similar to yours.

[GunnedDownAtrocity]

i don't think i'll ever understand brothers.