huh somebody asked me to put this in here, sorry to disturb
Well people i recieved this text from a friend although i think its huge
and i told people a thousand times not to write huge posts cos
i dont read no nobody read anyway... but he told me to post
So here its the post
He said it happened last week btw...
I had it devided in 2 parts cos the lil crazy really wrote a lot
Here goes:
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Hey volcano! could you post this for me? Its some stuff i wrote
it is A NOVEL I WROTE NOT BASED ON REALITY AT ALL!
Post please, friend!!
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Title:
I was this -> <- close to makin out with a female woman
OR
Top 3 reasons why everybody loves herpes
OR
I always liked Halls candy anyway
OR
Player risin (yeah, right)
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Disclaimer I - This is a blunt text, made as short as i could. The writting is crappy, or else id take like
10 hours for the whole thing. I written pratically all i can remember, although i realise thats not much
since much brain cells are gone forever...
Disclaimer II - dont mind the stupidness, they never told you drunk people are stupid? well...
Disclaimer II - a lot of times i cant hear shi.t what people say on crowded places with loud music? does this
happen to all or i do i got some ears problem?
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It all begins on Thursday.
It is night and my buddy called me, he says: hey lets go to this place
And I go (after being 2 weeks of my vacation completely locked up inside the house just eating): Yeah dude
He then said: Cool, some 2 hours later i call you again then
As he calls me he says its not gonna happen (this sux man) cos he is gonna have to start
working friday morning on his new job, they played trick on him, originally he started only
on monday
Fine, maybe tomorrow we get to do some partying aight, is cool
------------
Ok, now its Friday
We set, we about to go to this place we dont know, only heard of
Its actually going to be a 80s party, DJ playing stuff like... music from the 80s
-> Cultural reference -> i was born in 82, so i can barely remember anything from the 80s
We get there, place looks very nice.
On the top floor they have 1 bar, buncha tables
On the lower is the dance floor with 2 bars and stuff
The price was fair, not too expensive
As we sit on the top floor, by the bar drinking our beers we begin to witness
the miracle of the breads reproduction (like Jebus Christ, without the wine part, that wed have to pay for)
We notice, for every guy that gets in, gets in 2 chicks.
We begin doing our math:
"Ok, soon this place will me 1 guy for 2 chicks, then later 1 for 6, 1 for 23... and finally
-2 for 33, cos we two are gonna be so drunk we will be discombobulated flacid softees"
We see more and more, they come. By that time i think a true number would be 1 for 1.6
This is the sort of luck we both admit never having witnessed before in our unlucky rounds
Some brunette passes by, my buddy tells me:
that type o chick is my number, short, with an ass just like that... (lets call her Num666)
I am checking out this beautiful blonde (lets call her number B1) - every time i look at her
she stares back (that is not encoraging for me at all, you know) on my interpretation as if she was
pizzed off with me. A little later walks by another blonde even hotter (lets call her B2 - id vote for
her the hottest chick at the party no doubt about it) and
this one completely ignores our POWERFULL MACHO MEN HOLDING BEER presence as she goes by (ha, she dunno what
she missing :P )
By forces of nature at a certain point we realise most the chicks have already gone down to the lower
level and we decide we should go down too, after all, they have bars downstairs too (haha! sucka!)
I am trying to get into the mood, it takes much alcohol to see this individual shaking, and the music is
kind of unknown to my ears mostly. We look and keep changing through finding the best spots by the bar
and also with a good view of action, while on still doing this moves, by the 3rd time im staring at B1 and
i get the same reaction "pizzed of face". Cool, whatever, you know.
Now my buddy sees a chick he knows (call her C1) and is comunicating to her (what about, hell knows) she introduces him
to some other people.
-> If youre wondering yeah thats our standard, he does the talking, i hope by the light
of the forces of the cosmos that ends up with somehow he either introducin me to a chick, or whatever can happen <-
As he is doing such, Hey hey hey its Num666 dancing oh so happy and oh so smilling directly at me.
HEY thats the chick my friend wanted, when i get to him shes looking other way and as we talk whatever, we look again,
shes gone? da.mn son, sux. C1 introduces me to some other chick (well, i didnt hear a word any of them said) and when
i kissed the girl in the face i think either of us was moving too fast cos i felt my teeth being hit on her face
like if my face crashed on hers - weird stuff - we was drunk.
Ok, now my buddy sees a chick and goes: "Aaah dude... that chick... (we are calling her F1) that chick used to suck my di.ck.
Id go to her -suck my di.ck - and she would do it, we did in several places."
I see the chick and go LOL haha dude! and tap him in the shoulder some times "you focker lol"
He goes "I call her Suckist (my ruff translation to the term), lofl"
"lofl dude"
He decides to go after her to try to come up with something, for either him or both of us (she hada friend)
He goes, and on with the talking - i am at safe distace watching whatever unfold
She does seem to respond negatively
Later he told me he had told her stuff like: "Hey how about, theres me and my friend, 2 di.cks, we could go to a motel
and your friend too" :D lol
At some point we still going round the place, looking for more beer, looking for chix, moving to the music,
you know - what everyone does anyway
We end up in the bathroom inevitably since you know the anti-dihuretic hormone is inhibited blah blah blah
When in there i go (dont mind, drunks really laugh a lot): "LOL, hey... whats the name of how you call her... Suckstar?"
"Huh? LOL, Suckist"
"Yeah, lolf dude"
"Ahh she is called... huh.... **** (ok, we will call her F1 on my text still -> only the real names have been changed
to protect the guilty, u know)"
As we got out, he talks alot with this other random cute chick and gets her number
Later he shows me her handwritting, she was drunker than us, its not like you could understand
3 numbers out of the full sequence, smartly he realised in time and took note of the numbers
by himself :D
I can remember he still tried going after F1 one more time and i was again having views of B1, but this time she
was smilling back at me (WOW dude - that awesome - what do i do ? ? ?) As to no conclusion i came and my buddy again
is moving to a more better spot at the area im going along. Now... if i recall there was another blonde... or redhead...
(well it was dark, ok dont be dissin me!!) that was good looking and smiled back at me while she danced (wont bother naming
this one... nah she is R1 then).
Now, we can skip the lots of minutes in between since the alcohol took those brain cells, i have no idea of the track of
time by now is when my buddy is trying once again with F1 and i can see with my eagle vision the blonde B2
(yeah dumbshi.t, she was like, 12 feet away, like that is far)
(Man, why are you such a bithc, stop dissin me im trying to write)
(Ok, man, sorry... you sis.sy!!)
B2 is not alone, some guy is talking to her, getting closer... B2 notices me starring, i smile at her... she smiles at
me... but that sucka the guy keeps getting close to her and TAKES OVER HER, mkay.
(I told you just starring wasnt gonna make your enemy disapear)
(Leave us alone, master is our friend!)
(Murderer!!)
(Leave now! And never come back! - He went away, Xmeagul is free YAY!!)
[Extra Disclaimer: Each of us had our share of some 13 beers each by now]
Oh man, there buddy is with F1 still aight. I then rest on with my back to the wall, see if buddy comes up
with any idea whatnot. She then walks out, having said "Negative, no, niet, não, nein" and other stuff to him and
comes to my direction.
She must have asked him about me since she goes: "He told me youre very timid"
I go: "Yeah"
(She is smilling all the times, she look happy)
"He is crazy today you know... the things he saying"
"Yeah, but hes my bro"
"He must told you some strange stuff bout me"
" *moves shoulders up like -well, u know... i dont know-* Well... hes my buddy"
What else she asked me more stuff, though conversation was very brief. I can only remember a few:
"So how old are you?"
"Im 21"
"No way, really?"
"How old do i look like to u?"
"Hmm id say like 18 something round that?"
"AHAAAA you just making this up to please me!"
"Huh? lofl lol"
"lol, Im 26 acutally"
"What you do?"
"I study veterinary"
She goes, where, then she says she does physical education, about to graduate, same uni as me
"You do veterinary, wow, cool. Dyou know i have 9 dogs?"
"Cool" (hahaha, you thik i believe that, i have my doubts)
"Do u have a girlfriend?"
"No"
"Really, u serious?"
"Yeah"
So there is some moment of silence somehwere in there, since im not talkative...
And then i am puzzled
(Drunk people are stupid aint them, i thought i heard this sentance somewhre)
So here is my genius question i made of all the wonders of humanity after seeing her standing in there smilling to me
for some good seconds:
"What you want???" [I would like to thank the Academy]
"Lofl. What does it look like i want?"
* More smilling *
My blood boils and (AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH - the inside flip out)
My hands goes to her hips and i pull her to me
She does not push me away nor punch or elbow me
She accepts it :D so with no further words:
* Tongue action *
* More tongue action *
* Drool exchange *
