Talking before Fighting

I have read the topic discussions on the attitude and visual manner of approaching confrontations. Another area I thought that might be interesting to discuss is the best wording to use in a confrontation. I am generally not a person to throw the first punch, unless in extreme situations. I believe that almost all confrontations can be resolved with the correct wording during the confrontation. I don;t believe telling the agressor that "I'm really sorry, and don;t want to fight" is going to help at all, unless your were born with an elastic band as a back bone... but I also think that telling the agressor "listen buddy, you are in real trouble if you mess with me" sounds really corny and if I were the agressor I'd probably laugh at the guy and hit him anyway. I find that alot of people stop there martial arts training at the physical ability aspect, where as the mental and verbal ability are initially as important. Obviously your stature and appearence play a large role, but often more so is the words you choose. I have a couple ideas on the wording during confrontations, but I just wanted to get some feed back from you guys. I'll post my idea's later.

One must learn how to fight, in order to learn how not to fight!

I posted this in another thread on this forum, but it applies to this as well so I will just copy and past it here:

My old way was to appologize and portray the "lets not do this" attitude and try to just talk him down. This did work most of the time, but there would be every so often it would escalate. Ususaly to a simple push or grab that I would turn into a joint lock/manipulation and cool him off by projecting total superiority. Only on a couple of occasions did I have to take it to the next level after that.

Now, I simply start by apologizing for whatever was the cause (weather its my fault or not) and if that doesn't work then I say say something like " OK I tried to be nice, which isn't easy, but your not happy. So if you really want to fight then just try it and lets see how fast "I" can do this" And I say it all with a smile. This gives the impression that I have no doubt that I will annihalate him.

Since my change, I have not had a single confrontation go past that.

I decided on this change after reading a study of how in almost all mamels (primates and human included) The alfa-males do not always have to fight to get that spot. In actuality its usualy enough to simply project "confidence of superiority" over the challengers.

Assumption is the mother of tragedy. Just keep and open mind, be ready, and go full force.

Just my 2 cents

Assumption is the mother of tragedy. Just keep and open mind, be ready, and go full force.

Tigerdragon,
This strategy you speak of is well documented in the annals of Martial Arts history. Matsumura Sokon (an integral "father" of the Okinawan arts) called this "Obiyakashi no Heiho", or "Sabre Rattling". In other words an attempt to bluff ones way out of confrontation . This technique has a down-side to it though. As my Sensei puts it "... once the bluff is made you may have to back it up with force. 'Ki kara saru ichiryu' -or- 'even monkeys fall out of trees'... this is an old samurai addage that serves to remind us that even an expert can be defeated by a novice... all opponents are dangerous regardless of their skills. Do not allow yourself the luxury of being over confident. 'Don't bite off more than you can chew', and don't bluff unless you can back it up."
This technique should be combined with "Minari no Heiho" or the "Strategy of Appearance", but that is for another time. Peace...

I always use a "confident" appearance and I always have someone at my back to help if I get in trouble. You also have to remember, this tends to happen with people who are drunk (usualy very much so) or just had a bad day and are not ready to back up their own words. I also read people's eyes. They say alot. Anyway, this is something I do, but don't nessisarily recomend unless you are confident with it.

Just my 2 cents

Assumption is the mother of tragedy. Just keep and open mind and be ready

I agree with Omegapoint that it is necessary to be able to back-up ones confidence and appearance with force, but the fact that we do martial arts means that we are trying to achieve and perfect this force. I too agree with Tigerdragon that one cannot simply bow down to another even if the agressor appears to be bigger, stronger... what ever. Though I think one must look at the situation and decide whether it is best to back off... due to being out numbered or what ever the reason, or to stand firm.

It obviously depends on the situation, such as amount of friends or agressors present, if your family or the agressors family is present is another factor. But I think in a general one on one confrontation, there are certain ways to handle it without needing to prove that you can hurt him.

I have always believed that aggression is generally caused by replasing thought with anger. So, if you are able to resturn thought to the aggressor, chances are, he will not attack.I have found saying the following to be very effective. I generally say to the aggressor "this is going to end up going one of 3 ways, you f*ck me up and I sue you for assault, I f*ck you up and you can't do **** cause it was self defence, or you and I both walk away and have a good evening!" What I find this does is it return the though of consequences to his mind, and he begins to think of the repecussions of his action. You convince him in his mind that he is in a lose/lose situation.

That's just my opinion though... I'd really like to hear some other points from other members. Thank you for your posts.

One must learn how to fight, in order to learn how not to fight!

I agree with Omegapoint that it is necessary to be able to back-up ones confidence and appearance with force, but the fact that we do martial arts means that we are trying to achieve and perfect this force. I too agree with Tigerdragon that one cannot simply bow down to another even if the agressor appears to be bigger, stronger or what ever the reason. Though I think one must look at the situation and decide whether it is best to back off... due to being out numbered or what ever the reason, or to stand firm.

It obviously depends on the situation, such as amount of friends or agressors present, if your family or the agressors family is present is another factor. But I think in a general one on one confrontation, there are certain ways to handle it without needing to prove that you can hurt him.

I have always believed that aggression is generally caused by replasing thought with anger. So, if you are able to resturn thought to the aggressor, chances are, he will not attack.I have found saying the following to be very effective. I generally say to the aggressor "this is going to end up going one of 3 ways, you f*ck me up and I sue you for assault, I f*ck you up and you can't do **** cause it was self defence, or you and I both walk away and have a good evening!" What I find this does is it return the though of consequences to his mind, and he begins to think of the repecussions of his action. You convince him in his mind that he is in a lose/lose situation.

That's just my opinion though... I'd really like to hear some other points from other members. Thank you for your posts.

One must learn how to fight, in order to learn how not to fight!

This is funny because i have never gotten in a fight but came very close serveral times most times i just ignore them.. believe it or not alot of times it works but some people think by ignoring them it shows a sign of weakness so sometimes they try to bully you more its wierd cause i just keep ignoring them eventually they get tired and burned out of yelling and cussing at me they walk away.. i hate to have bad blood between people where i live if you stand firm alot of times the other person might get more aggresive but i mean dont get me wrong there are times when i stand firm depends on the situation i forgive people for there ignorance... but there are some people who just look for it...

However, often, if the person is drunk or high they could care less about the consequenses if they kick your a$$. The only thing they see is, your a stranger, if they win they can get away and you don't know them and that will be the end. So my suggestion to you is maybe change your statment a little just to show you have confidence in the fact that they will be hurting if they try it. When the first option you mention is "you could beat me" this plants a seed of encouragment on them because they will think you are afriad of them. I would suggest leaving that option to the end of your statement.
Just my 2 cents

Assumption is the mother of tragedy. Just keep and open mind and be ready

There is a technique known as smiling eyes and it coincides with what you guys have been talking about with saying "Don't mess with me," while smiling. It either gives the impression that you know what you are doing, or you are about ready to go postal.

Sorry I'm late getting into this thread but here is my thoughts:

Firstly talking distance is one of the forgotten ranges in the martial arts, and can be used to close the gap, personally I've never had that problem the gap closes all by its self.

An aggressor rides high on the wave of adrenalin, the buzz, and it is your control of an opponents high that is your first line of defence / attack.

You have two option, fight or make them back down, its that simple, walking away and turning the other cheek will likely end in serious damage, but may occasionally be a solution.

To make the aggressor back down you must first make him lose conrol of the adrenalin he is riding, it then becomes fear, fight or flight etc. Show him you are the bigger animal, just as someone posted earlier this will often cause the other to lose thier bottle. Ha Ha but sometimes you have to follow through and demonstrate your are the bigger animal.

Switch them off, this is where you show submissiveness, disarm them vocally, 'I don't want any trouble' , then as you line them up ask them a stupid question, whether they want to or not their brain will engage the question and for a split second they are blind. Knock them out.

Simple huh?

This is not the only way, but it does work

If you haven't been in a lot of confrontations, practice it.

If you have, try it.

If you have been on the recieving end, read it and weep.

For further information ideas etc. Find a British Combat Assoc, instructor near you.
Get some of the stuff by Geoff Thompson and Peter Consterdine.

www.geoffthompson.com
:D :D

"And the crowd called out for more"

one trick to calm someone down is to make the unemotional side of there brain kick in. You can do this pretty easily by bringing numbers into the conversation ie. By saying "number one I really blah blah etc. once you get a person to think about numbers they calm down quickly. I was a supervisor for a major company and we used this alot with irate customers..

i allways wave my hand in the air while saying "there will be not fight" ;) the jedi mind trick gets them every time.

"Civilize the mind but make savage the body"