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Not really sure which subforum this fits in, but here it is. Very interesting story of how an Inuit fashioned a functional knife from his own poop. Obviously, another Inuit would have had to have witnessed it. BTW, this is not the only 'poop knife' account out there. Yes, it's gross. But if true, it shows the resourcefulness a desperate person is capable of.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kMGoHour6x4&sns=em
We do have a poop thread, Jimbo, but this is a special case and clearly deserves its own thread. :D
Gene:
I wonder if there were ever any poop swords? Probably not; I'm sure one would break apart very easily.
While searching for more accounts of Inuit poop knives (I don't think there are many), I came across this...a VERY DIFFERENT type of poop knife:
http://awkward.com/guy-thinks-everyo...ife-guy-wrong/
It's actually worth reading the entire article, because IMO it's funny as hell. I had no idea there were families who kept designated 'poop knives'. They say you learn something new every day. I could have lived my entire life without having to know this. :(
I must commend you, Jimbo, for launching the weirdest thread of the year. But it's only January. I'm sure there will be weirder to come.
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Apparently A Lot Of People Have ‘Poop Knives’ And They’re Worse Than You Think
by Baillie ParryBaillie Parry
7 days ago
So when I heard about this so-called ‘poop knife’ I thought it had to be a phrase from ‘Cards Against Humanity.‘ Unfortunately, I was very much mistaken. The ‘poop knife’ was shared with us by a Reddit user LearnedButt, and I’m equally confused and disgusted. This can’t be a common thing, can it? His story begins with sharing on how his family has some sort of genetically enhanced super pooping thing. I don’t know, don’t look at me. Things only seem to get stranger as the entire story begins to unfold. I’m just hoping LearnedButt, and his family is the only family with a ‘poop knife.’
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[Light] My family poops big. Maybe it’s genetic, maybe it’s our diet, but everyone births giant logs of crap. If anyone has laid a mega-poop, you know that sometimes it won’t flush. It lays across the hole in the bottom of the bowl and the vortex of draining water merely gives it a spin as it mocks you.
Growing up, this was a common enough occurrence that our family had a poop knife. It was an old rusty kitchen knife that hung on a nail in the laundry room, only to be used for that purpose. It was normal to walk through the hallway and have someone call out “hey, can you get me the poop knife”?
I thought it was standard kit. You have your plunger, your toilet brush, and your poop knife.
Fast forward to 22. It’s been a day or two between poops and I’m over at my friend’s house. My friend was the local dealer and always had ‘guests’ over, because you can’t buy weed without sitting on your ass and sampling it for an hour. I excuse myself and lay a gigantic turd. I look down and see that it’s a sideways one, so I crack the door and call out for my friend. He arrives and I ask him for his poop knife.
“My what?”
Your poop knife, I say. I need to use it. Please.
“Wtf is a poop knife?”
Obviously he has one, but maybe he calls it by a more delicate name. A fecal cleaver? A Dung divider? A guano glaive? I explain what it is I want and why I want it.
He starts giggling. Then laughing. Then lots of people start laughing. It turns out, the music stopped and everyone heard my pleas through the door. It also turns out that none of them had poop knives, it was just my ****ed up family with their ****ed up bowels. FML.
I told this to my wife last night, who was amused and horrified at the same time. It turns out that she did not know what a poop knife was and had been using the old rusty knife hanging in the utility closet as a basic utility knife. Thankfully she didn’t cook with it, but used it to open Amazon boxes.
She will be getting her own utility knife now.
[Edit: Common question – Why was this not in the bathroom instead of the laundry room? Answer. We only had one poop knife, and the laundry room was central to all three bathrooms. I have no idea why we didn’t have three poop knives. All I know is that we didn’t. We had the one. Possibly because my father was notoriously cheap about the weirdest things. So yes, we shared our poop knife.]
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Now, for the most part, people seemed to be shocked by these gross antics. I’m sure almost everyone has a similar reaction when reading this, and that is WTF?! I could be wrong though; there seems to be a fair amount of people who shared that they too have some form of poop utensil. Is this a secret that I don’t know about? Like, do my friends have ‘poop knives’? Where do you keep it? So many questions that I don’t think I want the answers to. Either way, there was a shocking number of people who feel LearnedButt‘s antics aren’t too farfetched.
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This Reddit thread opened the door for a few horrifying family bathroom tales that I’m pretty sure I could have lived without knowing. Call me old-fashioned, but I’m a big fan of the toilet and the conventional bathroom experience. I also didn’t realize how bizarre some peoples upbringings are.
Do you have a poop knife?
Am I the only one that doesn’t know how to feel. I didn’t know going to the bathroom was such an ordeal for some people. Am I in the majority or the minority here? This Reddit thread has flipped my whole life upside down. Do you people use a ‘poop knife’? It’s 2018 how are poop knives a thing?!?
Greetings,
I did not know such a thing existed.
In the late 90's, I had a client who came to our office to use the bathroom. She was in there for such a long time I went and got a plastic knife, fork and a spoon, sliding them all under the door at the same time. When she came out of the bathroom, she gave me the strangest look. I was dying of laughter inside.
mickey
Thanks, mickey, that gave me a good laugh. :D
Saw an article today that scientists have developed a method to turn poop back into food using special bacteria. The idea is to use it in long-distance space travel or if colonists live on a harsh icy planet. Yay. Now we can envision stranded astronaut colonists eating poop food with frozen poop utensils.
http://bgr.com/2018/01/30/astronaut-...esearch-study/
If you're an astronaut/colonist and must resort to eating your own (reconstituted) poop, you're already on death's door. How many times can their poop be turned back into food? It certainly isn't a limitless supply if there's no continuous supply of new food to begin with.Quote:
Originally Posted by rett2
I heard there's a bunch of people trying to qualify to go on the first Mars mission. The truth is, if it ever does happen it will be a one-way trip, and not a pleasant one outside of Star Trek fantasies.