I checked out of Steven Seagal flicks a long time ago, back when he stopped making theatrical films and only did direct-2-DVD. I think my the last one I saw was Exit Wounds, but I can't remember a thing about it, so maybe I never saw it. I post a lot of sass about Seagal here. There was my epic 6-6-6 thread, and of course, the Seagal is at it again which sort of feeds itself, and other odd Seagal threads here - search it if you must. So in all fairness, I thought I'd give his latest a chance.
This was one of those films that was just bad - not bad enough to be funny - just bad. Given the sets and hardware, and what must have been a huge budget for ammo, it's one of those films that you leave thinking '****, they had all those resources and that was the best they could do?' It's a lot of stalking about in dark hallways with mounted flashlights and laser sights. It has the stupidest laser-triggered mines ever, which leave a web of brilliant red laser beam that you'd have to be blind not to trip. There's a cat fight that makes you want to hit fast forward through.
Seagal looks bloated, constipated and stiff. His martial arts scenes are these quick-cut patty-cake sequences that are incomprehensible. It's just slappity-slap and somehow his opponent goes flying. He surrounds himself with a lot of beefcake like Stone Cold Steve Austin - the rest of the cast is a full-on gun show and I'm not talking all the full-auto fire fights. I'm talking Herculean steroidal biceps. This makes Seagal look even more out of shape. He should surround himself with hobbits or something.
Exit Wounds was 12 years ago. Maybe I'll wait another 12 years before checking in with Seagal again.
