Feeling doubt+no trust-Relationships with teacher, and the business aspect of kungfu

This is kind of hard for me to put, so I'm going to do my best. I searched and search for the best kungfu school near me, and I found it. I wanted the best kungfu available and now I have it...

I havent built a relationship with my sifu like I would like...It's hard for me to trust him...and I have doubt about so many things...money money money...I want to support my sifu, but I just don't know where my money is going. My kungfu school is a big family...some call it a cult...I'm beginning to believe those that called it a cult...I'm really not sure what to do in my situation. I was planning on going to class tonight and giving my sifu $50...but I just couldn't do it

Has anyone ever been in my situation? I'm kinda stuck as to what to do. If someone would like to discuss this with my over AIM, it would greatly be appreciated. Thanks

why do you need to give your sifu money for. you are already paying for his services, which is to teach you kung fu. if your teacher doesn't know how to manage his business, than that's on him. i wouldn't give him any money.

of course i haven't been in that situation where my teacher asked for money, but if he did, i wouldn't.

where is your school located, it's not shaolin do, is it :D

i payed for a year of kungfu, but you must pay more to be a "special student" because the special students learn more kungfu and they pass the art on, and learn it in whole...and are taught things the regular students are not...blah blah blah...(nobody ever said this, but i know its true) My sifu manages his money the way his sifu says so. My sigung runs things. i'd rather not say the location or school

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Originally Posted by Jhapa

where is your school located, it's not shaolin do, is it :D

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I think his style is WC..

anyways, do not get into a relationship in which you are exploited. remember equivalent exchange.

You are in an instructor student relationship. within that framework, paying more than your regular school due is excessive.

My school...is more like a family though, and if you want all the kungfu, you basically have to join the family...

Every once in a while I ask my parents for advice...I tell them about some of things that happen at the school and some of the things that I do, monetary wise... and they say I'm crazy, they say that my teacher is taking advantage of me, they are very doubtful and I guess it has rubbed off on me...I thought my parents just didnt understand...but now its really rubbing me.

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Originally Posted by mossman

My school...is more like a family though, and if you want all the kungfu, you basically have to join the family...

Every once in a while I ask my parents for advice...I tell them about some of things that happen at the school and some of the things that I do, monetary wise... and they say I'm crazy, they say that my teacher is taking advantage of me, they are very doubtful and I guess it has rubbed off on me...I thought my parents just didnt understand...but now its really rubbing me.

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Trust your gut. Get out of there before you lose more money.....

Not always but in many kung fu schools if you are an "inner door" disciple your fees actually go down because you often are help teach the newer students.

There's no way in hell that your fees should go up!

GET OUT NOW!!!!

sounds like it sucks to me.. you should be learning... well, maybe not everything, but lets just say things shouldn't be withheld.

Tell us the school, it may be a known fraud already

This can be a cultural thing.

If this is Chinese folks running the school that aren't americanized, then, well, that is how it goes. It's a bit hard to understand when we come from a society that is all about individualism and what not, but in heavy duty filial systems, like those of south east asia, India and other social structure in a larger sense, this is not all that uncommon.

However, if this guy is as american as you, offers you a few hours a week and then you go home, then I have to agree with Fu Pow. Get out now while teh getting is good or you will constantly be in that cycle of feeling bad when there is nothing to feel bad about. You will be psychologically dominated which is just a form of control. You don't want to be in that situation.

Mind you, it teaches you something about yourself provided you don't stay trapped in the cycle.

Sounds like it's an old way. Many old ways no longer fit with the reality of the times. Traditionalist hang on to these ideas in a lot of senses because they are not comfortable with change and they are not comfortable with not being in control of others which they transpose as a way of seeing themselves as being in control of themselves.

Some may argue with that, and that's fine, argue away, lol, been there, done that and had enough of it. Took a while to get that crap out of me and start making some real progress though.

Not all Kungfu teachers are like this, but some are and it's hard to know what to avoid, and I understand that. It is also important that you don't go all loosey goosy with yourself before you get some understanding. Sometimes the structure works thusly for your benefit and to allow you to grow into a sense of self. You know. tear you down, build you back up new. It's a typical militaristic approach to forming a mind, it is also a form of reeducation. There's a few different ways to look at it. If you have no true convictions now, maybe this way of tasting bitter will help you get some in your not so distant future.

food for thought, yin and yang in everything.
good luck!

man i havent paid for kung fu lessons in 2 years. yet me and my sifu go out. we buy each other driunks. and such. i pay for soem supplies for the school, but he always re emburresses me. sounds like a cult if teachers ask for more money.

you should be required to only pay your fees for attending class. Anything else and you may be taken for a fool.

My teacher has never just asked me for money...

I pay for kung fu lessons.

I offer to pay for him when he goes out (at least, I try to.), and he always declines. Actually, he pays for me more often than not.

Also, becoming an "inner circle" student ususally doesnt involve paying more...thats usually an honor that the sifu would place on you. IE: He takes special interest. Not to milk you for money...

Sounds a little fishy to me. Then again...if you really like the kung fu, learn the kung fu. You dont -have- to have a strong relationship with your sifu. Unless you really want the student-teacher relationship...everyone has their goals :P

They arn't chinese but they value the chinese ediquette and culture of the grandmaster of the style. I payed for a year of kungfu. I don't mind paying for a couple $75 seminars, I've been to 2 so far and I definatly feel like i got my moneys worth...its other stuff...

Oh, we're taking a collection for so and so...hes part of the family, you should put in $5 or 10 bucks

Sigungs birthday is comming up, slip him a $50

we will give you a key to the school!!! more $$$

yes "special students" or "inner door" students must pay more money, ontop of their regular tuition

I feel like Iif I join this "family" or "cult" or whatever that I'm going to get sucked in. I know I shouldn't be thinking this but, I'm probably the wealthiest student in class, and I'm still in college and living off my parents! The stuff my sifu tells me, I retell to my parents, they say its garbage, and it sounds like brainwashing...

Ok, I've read enough. How about you guys?

I would leave under those circumstances. It seems transparent to me, although it may not to you because you are wrapped in it right now. Kinda like how we can't smell our own butt sweat at times but that doesn't stop it from making rodents fall off the sh.it wagon from 50 paces if you know what I mean.

Don't make any excuses, just pack up and head out. there's other teachers out there who won't be pressing you for a buck at every opportunity as you seem to be with this outfit.

THis has nothing to do with etiquette and asking for money all the time has nothing to do with etiquette. offering to pay for yum cha is one thing, painting the school is ok and maybe even doing a few chores for your sifu now and then is even kind of expected in a teacher/student thing.

But sounds more like you are being treated as a sheep to be fleeced.

Don't let the door hit your ass on the way out either. run don't walk and all that.

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My school...is more like a family though, and if you want all the kungfu, you basically have to join the family...

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I've been in a similar situation, though in my case it was more about sucking up to the instructor and being truer to him rather than your family, friends and SO , instead of cash. Bad scene.

Whenever I see "Kung-Fu Family", I usually think, "Manson family". You already have parents, Why TF do you need another family?

I'd rather teachers were honest about their motivations for money. That way everyone knows where they stand and nothing has to become personal. I don't mind paying if the price is right, otherwise I won't bother.