Yu Wang Po gives advice.

[Stacey]

http://www.bobfromaccounting.com/2_25_02/askyu.html

[KC Elbows]

[Sam Wiley]

Would you believe I read that entire page? Hilarious.

[KC Elbows]

Dear Yu,


There's this bully at school and I want to use some of your Jap tricks to kick his ass. Can you teach me some moves that might put him in the hospital for a long, long time?

Dear Kevin,


You not so smart. I Chinese! I tired of being confused with Japanese. Okay, I give you one tip that serve me well. Bullies always have bad parent and bad home. They take it out on small and weak, like you, Kevin. Say nice things to bully. Tell him he good looking and have nice hair. That always confuse dummy. If that no help, tell teacher on him. See if that help. If that not help, hollow out math book and fill with steel pellet. When bully in bathroom sneak up and hit him on side of head. Repeat until he unconcious. Take off bully clothes, take picture and put it in school newspaper. If that not work, shoot him. I kidding! Book thing should work good.

[Mutant]

Undoubtedly some of the funniest advice I've read in a while

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Dear Yu,

I'm embarrassed to say this but I have a small lump on my *****. I have only one sexual partner and she says she is faithful to me. I don't think she would lie because we are in love. I am nervous and I don't want to go to the doctor. Do you know what it could be or any home remedy that may work?

Peder
Los Angeles, CA

Peder,

What I know about lump on your weener? I not witch doctor. I addiction medicine specialist. Okay, I give shot. Maybe magic root of yellow duck tree help? But true problem here is trust between you and American lady. Let me tell you story: I slept with Thai ***** and got clap. The moral of story is this, I not get mad because I knew she was *****. I can blame no one but myself and my old girlfriend, Cho Chee, who legs so tightly closed, I not sure she have vagina. I was forced to screw dirty, dirty *****. You have bad trust…and a lump on your ding dong. Don’t be scared to go to doctor. They see much more horrible thing. Try magic root of yellow duck tree. If that no work, choose hooker more careful or keep ding dong in pants.


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1/25/02


Dear Yu,

I’m 16 years old and every time I have a problem, I turn to food. I’m overweight (I don’t want to say how much) and I don’t know what to do. I can’t seem to keep friends because everyone makes fun of me. Worst of all the prom is coming and I just know that no one is going to ask me for a date because I’m heavy. Help!

Cassie, Columbia, MO

Dear Cassie,

What **** I thinking? Marital art comedy? Who going see that? Come on, Yu! Jackie Chan make a millions and Yu answer question from fat kid? Why I listen to my manager? Jade Tiger was goddam box office king! I better Bruce Lee! I better anybody. Sorry Cassie, you need get exercise program of something you enjoy like tennis, which low impact. Also, must keep carrots and celery to eat when you hungry. Keep active and watch what you eating. And don’t worry about date for prom. True beauty come from within. My career so ****ing over.