I get a little down on myself soemtimes. I had a huge eye opening experience one day about five years ago. It was after dealing with my mothers death and father's attempted suicide and the craziness of life. One of those seak and you shall find moments. I've always looked and still am.

Well, for one day, I felt completely part of everything, almost like a God where EVERYTHING offered an answer. Everything. The sky, the water, the radio, road side signs. I felt this pressence coming for a month or two, just feeling connected, and it peaked on this day and since then slowly disapaited.

I know its still there, and at times I get little clues letting me know I'm where I should be. But since moving out on my own also 5 years ago (that one day set off a chain reaction of me not being able to communicate affectively with my family because I knew what I had to do, or at least thought I knew what I had to do and they didn;'t understand) I felt I have neglected this side. While I was training S. Mantis all I did was fight and think about fighting. My personality became almost too agressive -- can't believe I said that one.

Anyway, I'm trying to reconnect now. I really thought about it a few days ago. That truly is the most important I believe, and luckily I also believe awareness of it will benefit my current training. So I'm just trying to quite my mind, not speak so much, and just observe. Be thankful. Try to realize that this is indeed a marvelkous existence and try not to pin it down, for each moment is unique.

But there's that otherside too, where just picking up the new IKF, I want to send out about 3 challenge letters questioning the phony balony. But I know I should just ude this time to add to my own skills and forget everyone else. When the time comes the time comes.

Thank you all for sharing your experince, I truly apreciate it.