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Thread: Step right up folks, get your RANK, yes Real Rank,

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan 1970
    Location
    Tulsa, OK
    Posts
    250

    Angry Step right up folks, get your RANK, yes Real Rank,

    Yes sir'e bob, get your 1st degree, your 5th degree, 10th degree Grandmaster, name your own art. heck we'll even throw in a real wax seal on silver ribbon signed by Joe Somebody.

    Train for decades with some old asian who didnt believe in rank. or did your teacher die before your test?

    Got this email today, now how did he know I was a "legitimate martial arts instructor"?

    From: Jeff Schimmel <jeglosa@DIRECTVInternet.com>
    Date: Tue Jan 07, 2003 11:53:02 AM US/Pacific
    To:
    Subject:

    dear sir or madam,
    please read this information, because it is about an item you may be interested in obtaining. i am writing to you because i have done some preliminary research and found that you are a legitimate martial arts instructor. my wife is filipino, and she urged me to include the traditional filipino martial arts in my list of instructors i would be reaching out to with emails. this email campaign has been very successful with instructors from every style, all around the country. if YOU or your FELLOW INSTRUCTORS need a fully custom made certificate to verify your rank in any given style of martial arts, the i.c.m.a.f. organization can now provide it! this item is NOT listed in any catalog
    and is NOT AVAILABLE to the public. it is NOT one of those cheap blank certificates sold in supply shops. let me give you some background on myself. i was a martial arts student and instructor for many years, in karate, tae kwon do and wing chun kung fu, and some of the teachers i studied with DID NOT believe in or use rank, belts or certificates of any kind. now that i am older, i wanted something to prove my achievements, and that is how i came across the i.c.m.a.f., which stands for the INTER-CONTINENTAL MARTIAL ARTS FOUNDATION. also, some of the
    martial artists i am acquainted with have LOST their rank certification over the years during relocation or due to other damage. the i.c.m.a.f. GUARANTEES their certificates are 100% custom designed and printed on textured paper, listing all pertinent information, and SIGNED BY BOTH the chairman of the i.c.m.a.f. and the MASTER INSTRUCTOR in the style "family" requested. the master also affixes a personal silver wax seal
    and ribbon on the certificate. since you are already listed as a
    legitimate instructor, the master of that style family at the
    i.c.m.a.f. would be permitted to issue his signature and verify your rank WITHOUT RE-TESTING and WITHOUT JOINING THE i.c.m.a.f. there are NO OTHER CHARGES!!! the certificates are large in size, measuring a full 8" x 10" unframed, or 11" x 14" framed, as shown in the photo. no one else can make an offer this impressive. certificates are only $34.95 plus shipping, and like i said, they are 100% custom made. if you want your certificate PROFESSIONALLY MATTED AND FRAMED FOR IMMEDIATE DISPLAY, as shown in the photo, they are only $69.95 plus shipping. the matting and framing alone are worth it! if you are interested, please let me know. you can immediately SEE A SAMPLE certificate by CLICKING ON THE
    HYPERLINK BELOW:

    http://members.DIRECTVInternet.com/j...ebay/rank2.jpg

    thanks!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jan 1970
    Location
    minneapolis, mn
    Posts
    8,864
    For 34.95$ can we pick our rank? I want Gunnery Seargent....
    _______________
    I'd tell you to go to hell, but I work there and don't want to see you everyday.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 1970
    Location
    Austin TX
    Posts
    6,440
    If I get on an elevator with someone, my rank becomes pretty obvious without any stupid certificate. Especially on hot days.
    All my fight strategy is based on deliberately injuring my opponents. -
    Crippled Avenger

    "It is the same in all wars; the soldiers do the fighting, the journalists do the shouting, and no true patriot ever get near a front-line trench, except on the briefest of propoganda visits...Perhaps when the next great war comes we may see that sight unprecendented in all history, a jingo with a bullet-hole in him."

    First you get good, then you get fast, then you get good and fast.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jan 1970
    Location
    land o' sam
    Posts
    4,638
    red5 -- we'll just call you gunny from now on.

    as for me, i'll take da shifu.



    wait, that's been taken. hmmm. perhaps i'll just choose the rank of 8th dan instructor of domokun-ryu jujutsu.
    " i wonder how many people take their post bone marrow transplant antibiotics with amberbock" -- GDA

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jan 1970
    Location
    Canada!
    Posts
    23,110
    oooo, I wanna be lord of the tub ring!

    ...wait a minute, I already am that.

    I wanna be Pudding Chief.

    Because pudding beats bacon like paper beats rock!

    cheers
    Kung Fu is good for you.

  6. #6
    Originally posted by Kung Lek
    Because pudding beats bacon like paper beats rock!
    You cannot be serious!

    Canadians!
    "i can barely click the link. but i way why stop drinking .... i got ... moe .. fcke me ..im out of it" - GDA on Traditional vs Modern Wushu
    ---------------------------------------------
    but what if the man of steel hasta fight another man of steel only that man of steel knows kung fu? - Kristoffer
    ---------------------------------------------
    How do you think monks/strippers got started before the internet? - Gene Ching
    ---------------------------------------------
    Find your peace in practice. - Gene Ching

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jan 1970
    Location
    Canada!
    Posts
    23,110
    I like Pudding.

    And I like Bacon.

    but puddings better...nyah

    cheers
    Kung Fu is good for you.

  8. #8
    What about bacon pudding?
    "i can barely click the link. but i way why stop drinking .... i got ... moe .. fcke me ..im out of it" - GDA on Traditional vs Modern Wushu
    ---------------------------------------------
    but what if the man of steel hasta fight another man of steel only that man of steel knows kung fu? - Kristoffer
    ---------------------------------------------
    How do you think monks/strippers got started before the internet? - Gene Ching
    ---------------------------------------------
    Find your peace in practice. - Gene Ching

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Aug 2002
    Location
    Whittier, Ca
    Posts
    406
    no way pudding beats bacon .... not now, not tomorrow, not ever !!!!!!
    with that said I'll take the rank of SuperDuperSpecialGreatGreatGrandGuruMaster100thDan KingpinMegaMartialArtist - That will look totally sweet in a frame!

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Mar 2002
    Location
    Melbourne, Australia
    Posts
    1,188
    What about pudding sammiches?
    Adam Stanecki - Practitioner of common sense.

    "Think for yourself. Question authority." - Timothy Leary

    Fluid Fitness - www.fluidfitness.com.au
    Dominance Mixed Martial Arts - www.dominance.com.au

  11. #11
    Originally posted by TaoBoy
    What about pudding sammiches?
    That's just silly.
    "i can barely click the link. but i way why stop drinking .... i got ... moe .. fcke me ..im out of it" - GDA on Traditional vs Modern Wushu
    ---------------------------------------------
    but what if the man of steel hasta fight another man of steel only that man of steel knows kung fu? - Kristoffer
    ---------------------------------------------
    How do you think monks/strippers got started before the internet? - Gene Ching
    ---------------------------------------------
    Find your peace in practice. - Gene Ching

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Mar 2002
    Location
    Melbourne, Australia
    Posts
    1,188
    Originally posted by Serpent


    That's just silly.
    Four words: bread and butter pudding!
    Adam Stanecki - Practitioner of common sense.

    "Think for yourself. Question authority." - Timothy Leary

    Fluid Fitness - www.fluidfitness.com.au
    Dominance Mixed Martial Arts - www.dominance.com.au

  13. #13
    Originally posted by TaoBoy


    Four words: bread and butter pudding!
    Bread and butter pudding is divine!

    So, ok, I'll have to admit that you have a point there...
    "i can barely click the link. but i way why stop drinking .... i got ... moe .. fcke me ..im out of it" - GDA on Traditional vs Modern Wushu
    ---------------------------------------------
    but what if the man of steel hasta fight another man of steel only that man of steel knows kung fu? - Kristoffer
    ---------------------------------------------
    How do you think monks/strippers got started before the internet? - Gene Ching
    ---------------------------------------------
    Find your peace in practice. - Gene Ching

  14. #14
    Mind you, to be fair, that's a sammich pudding not a pudding sammich!

    "i can barely click the link. but i way why stop drinking .... i got ... moe .. fcke me ..im out of it" - GDA on Traditional vs Modern Wushu
    ---------------------------------------------
    but what if the man of steel hasta fight another man of steel only that man of steel knows kung fu? - Kristoffer
    ---------------------------------------------
    How do you think monks/strippers got started before the internet? - Gene Ching
    ---------------------------------------------
    Find your peace in practice. - Gene Ching

  15. #15
    Join Date
    Jan 1970
    Location
    D/FW, Texas.
    Posts
    2,697
    Can I be Grandmaster of Aiki Pimpjutsu Do Ryu Kung Fu? Or how about Nin Ten Do?
    I have a signature.

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