Worst Martial Arts Movie Ever!!!!!

[TenTigers]

crippled kung-fu the one where they used real handicapped people for actors-worse than "Freaks"-there was this one guy who was probab,ly Thalidamide, and they had really poor fake arms on him that were lopped off in a scene-the rest of the movie, he used his flipper hands-which were supposed to be whatever was left at his stumps-just awful/
-also, anything with Cynthia Rothrock in it. She was kinda cute, nice bod, but couldn't act fer sheit, and although she was a good MA, it just goes to show how much it depends on the choreographer-she has never looked good in any movies.
ok, well better than Ralph Machio, but a definate close second.

[jethro]

That movie along with Kung Fu Hustle were he best kung fu parodies made imo!

If you want to see true baaaaad kung fu - see this at your local blockbuster or hollywoodvideo: Vampire Assassin

You will cry.

I thought Kung Fu Hustle was ok, wouldn't watch it again but I was rolling the entire time in Shaolin Soccer. My favorite character is the iron head guy. "Yellow card for smoking." I saw a trailer on an Image Entertainment DVD for a movie called Shaolin Family SOccer with him in it. Forgoth what the real name of it is. Doesn't look great but I will have to get it. The song in the trailer rocks!



And if you want to see possibly the worst non Godfrey Ho movie ever than check out Ultra Cop 3000. Or 2000, I can't remember. I rented it because Phillip Ko and Yukari Oshima were on the box. They were in it. Yep.

[lonewolf]

breathing fire ( bolo yueng)
any movie with bruce lee in the title, especially since he's not in any of them.
ninja turf

[Jimbo]

Jethro:
I believe it was Ng See-Yuen who originally discovered Rothrock when Seasonal Films were having movie tryouts here in the States in '83/'84. Her first movie was (like Van Damme) also her best performance...Yes, Madam, co-starring with Michelle Yeoh. Directed by Corey Yuen, too.

Ten Tigers:
Cynthia Rothrock actually did move pretty well in one movie, the aforementioned Yes, Madam. However, she was definitely upstaged by Michelle Yeoh (then called Michelle Khan), who, though not a martial artist at that time, was still more convincing and acted with more killer instinct in her fight scenes.

Rothrock's movies in America do blow. Take China O'Brien for instance. With the exception of Enter the Dragon, anything directed by Robert Clouse (such as China O'Brien and Gymkata) sucks pretty bad.

Another mention for a worst MA movie is Chuck Norris's Top Dog. I actually went to see it because they filmed a lot of the movie about a mile from where I live, and I watched them film some of it. The movie itself is beyond bad, the kind you feel embarrassed to be caught watching.

[jethro]

Don't forget about Millionaire's Express. her fight and Dic Wei vs. Yuen Baio is the highlight of the movie.

After those 2 movies she only made bad American stuff. One of the worst is this one I saw a few years ago with Kurt Mckinney and she has a nude scene. I never watched that movie again. Let's just say she wasn't exactly convincing in her role.

[Jimbo]

Also, don't forget Righting Wrongs where she plays a cop opposite Yuen Biao. I suppose she moved pretty well there, too. It had two alternate endings, and the one I saw, Melvin Wong drove a spike through her neck and left her stuck dead against a wall. Earlier in the film, she had a decent fight against Karen Shepherd.
I'd have to say, next to Rothrock, Norris's acting probably is academy award-winning stuff. At least Norris can be funny, albeit unintentionally.

Millionaire's Express was OK. I thought Sammo could've let guys like Wang Lung-Wei do more. The one fight that most people seemed to remember (I saw it in Taiwan) was where Richard Norton kicked Yasuaki Kurata's head and the funny music came on.

Another really bad movie is Fire Island, starring Jackie Chan, Andy Lau, Sammo Hung, and Jimmy Wang Yu. It's a prison movie. I heard Chan and Hung only did it because they "owed a favor" to Jimmy Wang Yu.

[lonewolf]

is this movie called the prisoner here? if it is the one im thinking of it had a lot of scenes from cool hand luke in it and jacky wasn't the main character.

[jethro]

I still haev to see Righting Wrongs. I have heard it is a GREAT movie. I have heard Dragon Dynasty will be releasing it

On Miilionaire's express I agree with you. Rothrick's fight with Sammo and Yuen Baio vs. Dik Wei is worth the viewing of the movie but it would have been nice to see others in an actual fight such as Hsiou Hou, Lam Ching Ying, Chin Kar Lok, ...

Wang LUng Wei's fight was not an actual fight but still kind of fit into the movie. the biggest dissapointment in the movie is the lack of a final fight with Hwang Jang Lee.

[Li Kao]

lonewolf -- yes, Island of Fire was renamed The Prisoner when rereleased in the U.S. True, there are some decent fight scenes, but the story was a mess and it's definitely not a favorite of mine. If I remember right, they featured Jackie on the cover as if he were the main character, when actually Tony Leung was pretty much the lead.

Jethro -- you need to see Righting Wrongs! Has your typical corruption type plot but it was laid out pretty well. And Yuen Biao was fantastic -- the fights were very hyperkinetic in the same fashion as his classic stuff like Dragons Forever. Some pretty impressive and fluid acrobatic type action that he is known for. And Rothrock was pretty impressive in this one too.

Jimbo -- well I agree with you on Rothrock's American movies being rather bad. Not sure if it was just the director/choreagrapher to blame, but she definitely never came close to equaling her Hong Kong performances. I actually met her a few years ago in California and she was suprisingly upbeat and humble. And as far as Robert Clouse -- I would agree with your assessment with one glaring exception -- The Big Brawl, which remains one of my favorite Jackie Chan movies (perhaps due to Mako's hilarious performance).

[jethro]

is this movie called the prisoner here? if it is the one im thinking of it had a lot of scenes from cool hand luke in it and jacky wasn't the main character.

Actually I think it is called
Jackie Chan is
THE PRISONER!

I have to say I didn't hate teh movie but it was still remarkably bad. Sammo had 1 or 2 enjoyable scenes but Jackie and Andy Lau were the only good things about it.

I remember I had a guide to Hong Kong action movies book called Asian Cult Cinema. Worst freaking book ever! Never lead me in the right direction. Because of that idiot I picked up this movie and Dr. Lamb expecting something great. He gave those movies a 4/4. He gave iron Monkey(1993) a 2/4. Luckily I was able to figure things out for myself.

[jethro]

lonewolf -- yes, Island of Fire was renamed The Prisoner when rereleased in the U.S. True, there are some decent fight scenes, but the story was a mess and it's definitely not a favorite of mine. If I remember right, they featured Jackie on the cover as if he were the main character, when actually Tony Leung was pretty much the lead.

Jethro -- you need to see Righting Wrongs! Has your typical corruption type plot but it was laid out pretty well. And Yuen Biao was fantastic -- the fights were very hyperkinetic in the same fashion as his classic stuff like Dragons Forever. Some pretty impressive and fluid acrobatic type action that he is known for. And Rothrock was pretty impressive in this one too.

Jimbo -- well I agree with you on Rothrock's American movies being rather bad. Not sure if it was just the director/choreagrapher to blame, but she definitely never came close to equaling her Hong Kong performances. I actually met her a few years ago in California and she was suprisingly upbeat and humble. And as far as Robert Clouse -- I would agree with your assessment with one glaring exception -- The Big Brawl, which remains one of my favorite Jackie Chan movies (perhaps due to Mako's hilarious performance).

Mako was great but that is by far one of the worst movies ever IMO. I never thought I would say something like "the fighting sucked but Jackie rollerskating was awesome"

I typed that comment in the quotes yet don't even understand it myself.

[Li Kao]

I just noticed you brought up Top Dog, Jimbo. Yeah that one was horrible, but so are all the cop/dog buddy movies like K-9, Turner and Hooch, etc.

My personal nomination for bad Norris film: The Hitman. It was hard to buy Chuck as a black trencoat wearing undercover gangster, sporting a mullet, and tearing his way through the various ethnic mobsters in Vancouver of all places. I did like the side story with the kid, but there was some really bad scenes. Like when he is dismissing the mob boss's girlfrienand at his apartment, and tells her "well stop bringing your ass over here" with a totally wooden expression. Or when he visits the Iranian gang, sticks his finger in a plate of hummus, tastes it, spits it out, and says "You guys really eat this ****?" Don't get me wrong, I love Chuck but that movie is a real stinker.

[jethro]

I just noticed you brought up Top Dog, Jimbo. Yeah that one was horrible, but so are all the cop/dog buddy movies like K-9, Turner and Hooch, etc.

My personal nomination for bad Norris film: The Hitman. It was hard to buy Chuck as a black trencoat wearing undercover gangster, sporting a mullet, and tearing his way through the various ethnic mobsters in Vancouver of all places. I did like the side story with the kid, but there was some really bad scenes. Like when he is dismissing the mob boss's girlfrienand at his apartment, and tells her "well stop bringing your ass over here" with a totally wooden expression. Or when he visits the Iranian gang, sticks his finger in a plate of hummus, tastes it, spits it out, and says "You guys really eat this ****?" Don't get me wrong, I love Chuck but that movie is a real stinker.

I thought I would just go ahead and quote this in case you post ahead of me again

That movie sounds really bad Li Kao. I have to see it! One question. Is the action any good?

Another EXTREMELY bad movie I can't name is the one where Chuck is the bad guy and smokes cigarettes the whole time. he fights Don Wong Tao but it is highly not recommended.




ha ha, posted this before you. Your web fu is average though

[Li Kao]

"the fighting sucked but Jackie rollerskating was awesome"

LMAO that is actually a very good summary of the movie. To be honest, I agree the actual fight scenes were lame and very slowed down compared to the usual Jackie. What I liked about it was the humor -- I liked the scene where he fights the guys in the alley and on the old car, the training scene with Mako where he is doing the footwork, dodging tennis balls, and then the cane fight against Mako. A lot of the fight scenes reminded me of the 3 Stooges, like when he snaps the guy's suspenders, gets punched in the gut while taking a drink and spews soda all over, when he ducks the guy's headbutt and he smacks his head on a pole. Cheap laughs, yes, and pretty comical/juvenile. Basically, Mako and the roller derby saved the movie for me.

[Li Kao]

Jethro -- no, I can say the action in The Hitman was rather lousy. Much of the action was gun-fights. He did unleash some kicks at times but even the final fight is more of a barroom brawl kind of fight. Still, it's one of those movies that is so bad it's fun to watch. To see Chuck go from a scene where he helps a young black kid stand up to a racist bully to the aforementioned scene where he spits out the hummus and says to the Iranians "You guys really eat this ****?" is just ... well ... rather odd and conflicting. He is playing an undercover cop infiltrating the mob, but still. Another classic scene -- one of the Italian gangsters captures one of the Iranians who killed his brother earlier in the movie and tortures him by alternately beating him and smearing pork on his face and forcefeeding it to him. Don't buy the movie but if you like watching a train-wreck of a flick, rent it on a night when you're bored.