...and now, a joke

[Chang Style Novice]

While walking down the street one day, George "Dubya" Bush is shot by a disgruntled NRA member. His soul arrives in heaven and he is met by St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.

"Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem: We seldom see a Republican around these parts, so we're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in; I'm a believer." says Dubya.

"I'd like to just let you in, but I have orders from the Man Himself: He says you have to spend one day in Hell and one day in Heaven. Then you must choose where you'll live for eternity."

"But, I've already made up my mind; I want to be in Heaven."

"I'm sorry, but we have our rules." And with that, St. Peter escorts him to an elevator and he goes down, down, down, all the way to Hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a lush golf course; the sun is shining in a cloudless sky, the temperature a perfect 72 degrees. In the distance is a beautiful clubhouse. Standing in front of it his dad...and thousands of other Republicans who had helped him out over the years.. Karl Rove, **** Cheney, Jerry Falwell.... The whole of the "Right" was there...everyone laughing...happy.... casually but expensively dressed.

They run to greet him, hug him, and reminisce about the good times they had getting rich at expense of the "suckers and peasants". They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster and caviar.

The Devil himself comes up to Bush with a frosty drink, "Have a Margarita and relax, Dubya!"

"Uh, I can't drink no more, I took a pledge," says Junior, dejectedly.

"This is Hell, son: you can drink and eat all you want and not worry, and it just gets better from there!"

Dubya takes the drink and finds himself liking the Devil, who he thinks is a really very friendly guy who tells funny jokes and pulls hilarious nasty pranks. kind of like a Yale Skull and Bones brother with real horns.

They are having such a great time that, before he realizes it, it's time to go. Everyone gives him a big hug and waves as Bush steps on the elevator and heads upward.

When the elevator door reopens, he is in Heaven again and St. Peter is waiting for him. "Now it's time to visit Heaven," the old man says, opening the gate.

So for 24 hours Bush is made to hang out with a bunch of honest, good-natured people who enjoy each other's company, talk about things other than money, and treat each other decently. Not a nasty prank or frat boy joke among them; no fancy country clubs and, while the food tastes great, it's not caviar or lobster. And these people are all poor, he doesn't see anybody he knows, and he isn't even treated like someone special! Worst of all, to Dubya, Jesus turns out to be some kind of Jewish hippie with his endless 'peace' and 'do unto others' jive.

"Whoa," he says uncomfortably to himself, "Pat Robertson never prepared me for this!"

The day done, St. Peter returns and says, "Well, then, you've spent a day in Hell and a day in Heaven. Now choose where you want to live for eternity."

With the 'Jeopardy' theme playing softly in the background, Dubya reflects for a minute, then answers: "Well, I would never have thought I'd say this -- I mean, Heaven has been delightful and all -- but I really think I belong in Hell with my friends."

So Saint Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down, all the way to Hell.

The doors of the elevator open and he is in the middle of a barren scorched earth covered with garbage and toxic industrial waste.. kind of like Houston. He is horrified to see all of his friends, dressed in rags and chained together, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags. They are groaning and moaning in pain, faces and hands black with grime. The Devil comes over to Dubya and puts an arm around his shoulder.

"I don't understand," stammers a shocked Dubya, "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a clubhouse and we ate lobster and caviar and drank booze. We screwed around and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and everybody looks miserable!"

The Devil looks at him, smiles slyly, and purrs, "Yesterday we were campaigning; today you voted for us."

[Starchaser107]

haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

[Kristoffer]

it was ok.. so long i'd expect a more clever finish I'll tell ya one later

[chen zhen]

u made that one up yourself? if u did, then Im impressed

[TonyM.]

That's along the same lines as the one that ends; "Bo Derek, you have sinned!"

[Former castleva]

Ha.
It could have been shorter though,had hard time struggling through it.

Fortunately I´m not American.
I wonder how it feels like when the president expects everyone to "pray" for something,as if praying was a norm.
I also wonder how it feels like when the president (senior) does not even consider you a citizen because...well,you know.
What does CSN think,himself?

[Chang Style Novice]

It's just a recent variation on an old, old joke. I cut and pasted it from elsewhere, and it's pretty obvious whoever did this latest rewrite got a little carried away and overdid it.

My feelings for the Bush clan should be well known by now.

[chen zhen]

oh yes, say no more
except if it's funny, then please do

[yenhoi]

I saw this with bill gates once, and the punch line was "that was the demo version.."

[Surferdude]

hahahahaha Dubya hahahaaha

[Chang Style Novice]

Greg Palast articulates my wildest dreams.

[Kristoffer]

aight..

well there is this man who's son is about to have his 10'th birthday. The man think that his son is big enough to decide for himself what present he want's. So the man asks. "Hey what do you want for your birthday son?" And the boy thinks for a looong time and then suddenly he says, "yeah I know, I want ten ping pong balls, YELLOW ping pong balls!". The man (who btw is a bit cheap) thinks it's a weird thing to wish for a birthday but decides to give him the ping pong balls. A year passes by and it's almost time for the kids 11'th birthday. The man asks him just like the last year. "Hey son, what do you want?" and the boy answers him "I'd like to have twenty pingpong balls!". The man is confused... "But son that's what you wanted last year, what are you going to do with more ping pong balls?" But the son remains silent so the man just mumbles and buys him his ping pong balls. Years pass, and every year the boy asks to get more and more ping pong balls. And so comes the kids 15'th birthday. This is a big step growing up so the father says "I gotta buy him soemthing cool. No wait I'll give him 1000 bucks to spend on whatever he wants". So he gives his son the money. The next day the father asks him what he bought. And the kid goes "I've bought 10-000 ping pong balls.. YELLOW ping pong balls! Thank's dad you're the greatest!". The father doesn't understand and frankly his son's strange cravings for yellow ping pong balls makes him worried. However he can't talk about it with his son because he wants to find out without asking. So the years goes and goes and goes. Every year, more yellow ping pong balls. And so, here comes the sons 18'th birthday. The man think's to himself, "ok, enough! This time I will buy my son a car. Tha't outta make him happy!" So the man buys a nice sports car for his son. And the son looks a little strange at the car but thank's his dad. The father sees that his son is a bit dissapointed by the gift so he thinks " ahhh what the heck I'll give him 1000 000 ping pong balls, YELLOW!" The kid shines up again and the father feels releifed that his son is happy. But he can't give up the feeling that something is wrong. Why does his son want so many yellow ping pong balls? WHY!? He can't take it. That's it fo shizzle I'm gonna find out today why my son wants these yellow ping pong balls and what he does with them. Where does he stash them etc? Anyway so the father decides to follow his son that night. He sits in his car and waits a few hours. Then he sees his son drive away in his new sports car, and it's filled with yellow ping pong balls! AHA! Finally I'm gonna find out what my son is doing with the yellow ping pong balls! The father nervously follows his sons car on a distance. Slowly, he drives about 30 m behind him with his lights out. Suddenly, a big truck comes outta nowhere and hits his sons sports car! There's a huuuuuge explosion and there's yellow ping pong balls everywhere! The father looks at his son's burned corps in a sea of yellow ping pong balls...


the end

[chen zhen]

theres no way im gonna read all that

[Kristoffer]

takes just a few min. it's reeeeeallly good

[Chang Style Novice]

What's twenty inches long, has a swollen purple head, and makes the ladies scream?

Crib death.