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Thread: If Santa answered his mail honestly...

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    Michigan
    Posts
    12

    Talking If Santa answered his mail honestly...

    Dear Santa
    I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer yer Frend, BiLLy

    Dear Billy,
    Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send you a friggin' book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!
    Santa

    Dear Santa,
    I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
    Love, Sarah

    Dear Sarah,
    Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
    Santa

    Dear Santa,
    I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
    Love, Teddy

    Dear Teddy,
    Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead.
    Santa

    Dear Santa,
    I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
    Love, Francis

    Dear Francis,
    Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay. I'll set you up with a Barbie.
    Santa

    Dear Santa,
    I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.
    Love, Susan

    Dear Susan,
    Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer **** in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of scotch.
    Santa

    Dear Santa,
    What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?
    Your friend, Thomas

    Dear Thomas,
    All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of ****tail waitresses while losing money at the craps table. Hey, you wanted to know.
    Santa

    Dear Santa,
    Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song?
    Love, Jessica

    Dear Jessica,
    Are you really that gullible or are you just blonde? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping your house.
    Santa

    Dear Santa,
    I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one?
    Timmy

    Timmy,
    That whiney begging **** may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again.
    Santa

    Dearest Santa,
    We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
    Love, Marky

    Mark, first, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your ass whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like the boogeyman does, through your bedroom window.
    Sweet Dreams, Santa

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jan 1970
    Location
    WRC Groupie
    Posts
    599
    Destroying the dreams of children all around the world...
    "Don't Focus on the Fingers or You will miss all the Heavenly Glory!"

    Morbicid-"Maybe some moves are made just so that, if u somehow manage to pull them off in a fight, u get some serious bragging rights.

    Many famous fighters have done this (roy jones jr, chuck norris, Morbicid, etc)"

  3. #3
    Join Date
    May 2002
    Location
    WHEN IN DOUBT PULL YOUR **** OUT
    Posts
    709
    Santa... Jesus... god... easter bunny...

    kids should at least belive in something cooler, like Dragon Ball Z or such
    acording to my parents me and bro already at very young age knew it was them who bought the gifts, not some focking old man flying across the skies
    Volcano has removed himself from this realm
    Account is hijacked, email is fake, password is unrememberable
    No im not drunk or sad

    "cos im the TAXMAN!!
    yeah im the TAXMAAAN!!"

    __________________

  4. #4
    Join Date
    May 2002
    Location
    WHEN IN DOUBT PULL YOUR **** OUT
    Posts
    709
    GOKU is a true role model
    Volcano has removed himself from this realm
    Account is hijacked, email is fake, password is unrememberable
    No im not drunk or sad

    "cos im the TAXMAN!!
    yeah im the TAXMAAAN!!"

    __________________

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    The beast under your bed.
    Posts
    2,010
    I believe in the marshmallow man.
    "i would show them 8 hours of animal porn and beheadings in a single sitting then make them write a paper about italy." -GDA
    "he said there were tons of mantids fornicating everywhere. While he was there, he was sending me photos of mantis porn regularly." - Gene Ching

  6. #6
    Join Date
    May 2002
    Location
    WHEN IN DOUBT PULL YOUR **** OUT
    Posts
    709
    kick ass
    if i had a truck id put a marshmallow man figure on top of it
    Volcano has removed himself from this realm
    Account is hijacked, email is fake, password is unrememberable
    No im not drunk or sad

    "cos im the TAXMAN!!
    yeah im the TAXMAAAN!!"

    __________________

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jan 1970
    Location
    Canada!
    Posts
    23,109
    Will Goku bring us presents and chocolate?

    'cause I'm not particular about which gods give me what.
    Kung Fu is good for you.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    May 2002
    Location
    WHEN IN DOUBT PULL YOUR **** OUT
    Posts
    709
    no he wont man
    but he will turn into SUPER SAYIAJIN!!
    Volcano has removed himself from this realm
    Account is hijacked, email is fake, password is unrememberable
    No im not drunk or sad

    "cos im the TAXMAN!!
    yeah im the TAXMAAAN!!"

    __________________

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jan 1970
    Location
    WRC Groupie
    Posts
    599
    And he also turns into that big-@ss monkey!
    "Don't Focus on the Fingers or You will miss all the Heavenly Glory!"

    Morbicid-"Maybe some moves are made just so that, if u somehow manage to pull them off in a fight, u get some serious bragging rights.

    Many famous fighters have done this (roy jones jr, chuck norris, Morbicid, etc)"

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jan 1970
    Posts
    7,044
    fooood. gimme gimme
    All right now, son, I want you to get a good night's rest. And remember, I could murder you while you sleep.
    Hey son, I bought you a puppy today after work. But then I killed it and ate it! Hahah, Im just kidding. I would never buy you a puppy.

    "Three witches watch three Swatch watches. Which witch watch which Swatch watch?"

    "Three switched witches watch three Swatch watch switches. Which switched witch watch which Swatch watch switch?."

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