Does your body get nervous before a confrontation?

[Kymus]

The other day I had this guy come into my work and basically, I couldn't give him what he wanted. So he started calling me all sorts of hom0phobic names (I guess that's what his vocabulary is limited to, because last I checked, I didn't strike anyone as being gay), and some other wonderful things too. I was getting really, really pi$$ed at this guy. He's bothered me before in an ignorant way, but last time he just went away, there was none of this. So needless to say, I would of loved nothing more than to do him a favor and give him a fat lip, but then of course, I'd be jobless and probably have assault charges filed. During this time I was shaking. I could feel it real bad in my right leg, I remember. I tried calling for someone from security to throw him out, and by the end of the sentence, I was studdering bad. I don't studder.. I wasn't scared of the dude at all. I knew he was some dumb hic-american that I could down easily. It just seems that when I get close to engagements like this, my nerves just say "FU" to me and start shaking. Usually it's light, but this time it was really bad. Does anyone else get like this when they get in an argument with someone or when they may have come close to a fight? I'm generally a very relaxed and calm person, but when this happens, I can't help but shake some. Could it be because of the emmotion that I am putting into things? I'm real currious as to everyones thoughts on this..
just to share, here's the letter I wrote to my manager about this ordeal (the dude wanted my managers name and number)

“Jen,
Around 12-ish today a customer came in. He wanted our digital sale. So I plugged his 1st memory card into the computer and looked for some paper, but I couldn’t find any. So I informed him of this and he found it to be unacceptable. I told him that he can still get this special, but I am unable to give him an index sheet. At this point he “wanted a manager”. I explained that we are a separate company and he was even more dissatisfied. He wanted to then be able to look at our monitor and choose his pictures from there. At this point I lied and told him that our software was faulty and this was not possible. I did this because it is unlawful to have anyone back here but lab employees (of course). SO at this point he was very angry and felt I was refusing, or unable to give him this sale. I explained the sale to him and that regardless of any sale; we are limited to our inventory. At this point he felt it necessary to verbally attack me, calling me things like “satan worshiper, gay, hom0, f@g, queer” and also made reference to my long hair as “trying to look like a girl”. He mentioned that he has had “problems with me before”… Let me tell you about this “problem”. I had a magnet on our computer. He liked it and wanted it. I refused to give it to him. He kept insisting and I kept refusing. This lasted until he gave up. So, after he started these personal attacks at me, I tried calling for security, but they didn’t show up. He demanded your name and number, which I did provide. At this point, if I ever see this man again, I will refuse to service him. Attitude I can deal with, but I feel I should not have to deal with verbal abuse by a customer who feels the need to bully others.”


I just love customers!

[MasterKiller]

When I get really mad I get the shakes, too. It's like my body is preparing for a burst of nervous energy. I usually have to pee after I settle down.

[Cipher]

I know what you mean I get the smae way to a point when confronted. Something I've noticed though is I seem to be like that at the start of a problem but once it reaches the point of confrontation weather it be verbal or physical I seem to much, much more smooth and calm as far as the way I feel at least.

I guess it probably has something to do with not being faced with confrontations everyday and only randomly but I wish there were a way to test or train yourself to be more calm at the start of a problem. I would say some kind of good tournament or match would help sand the edges.

[rubthebuddha]

kymus -- it's natural. don't fight it, because fighting it will only feed your tension. you can look at the situation in dozens of ways, but my personal favorite is whether or not listening to the person is a good use of your time. if he's intent on being an ass and just calling you names, he's wasting your time, period. if his feelings were legit, he can voice them in an adult manner. if he simply wants to be an assbite, let him, but find yourself a way of viewing his behavior that gives it no weight. if i feel someone's wasting my time, my attitude quickly changes from a "may i help you" perspective to "and?" attitude.

anyhoo, that's just my view. i suggest you think about this, and other circumstances when someone's being an chump, and pick one perspective that leaves them with little influence over your emotions.

[red5angel]

it's an adrenaline dump. You train so you can work with it or around it. Everyone gets it.

[Royal Dragon]

Does anyone else get like this when they get in an argument with someone or when they may have come close to a fight?

Reply]
Yes, and no. Sometimes I am completely placid before or during a fight (Verbal, or otherwise), others, I'm angry and hot. I do feel though, that if it's a situation where I've got the "Shakes", that I'm the most dangerious, because I'm not fully in controll of myself anymore at that point, and it usually means I have been holding back for a wile, for what ever reason, and I'm about to really lose it due to having been pushed too far.

[red5angel]

Last time I experianced it I was in this bar, brooding over Terri. I actually snapped over the way she's treating me lately and hit the bar counter hard enough to crack the counter top. The bouncer was too scared to approach me even. The freind I was with got so frightened that he wouldn't even get in the car with me, and opted to walk home.

Are you sure this wasn't a Rambo movie? I mean you cracked the counter top but no one came after you for damages? And your freind decided not to get in the car and walked home instead for fear of his life or a good beating?

[Royal Dragon]

He wasn't afraid of getting beat, he knows I was'nt mad at him. He was afraid I was too out of controll to not drive into a pole.

He's not a long time freind. My realy close freinds would have known that I'd calm down as soon as I got to my car.

It's just alot of stuff had been really really building for a long time with her, and it all came to a head at a bad time I guess (found out she's pregnant, and not sure if it's mine, or the other guys, so she's trying to hide it from me).

Normally I'm a pretty level headed guy, and quite calm (Although a bit of a loud mouth). I've just been under an extrordinary amount of pressure lately, and I just snapped a bit, lost controll for a moment if you will. I don't think any one from the board would have been all that frightened of me, and my really old freinds would have been more worried about me than anything. It's just that I was around someone who really does not truly know me well, so it made the situation worse.

[Ray Pina]

Control. Control. Control.

I get passing feelings of nervousness a week or two before a fight but use them to train harder.

The day of I'm calm but feel it in the back of my head and then 15 minutes before I **** and **** and drink some water and then go **** again. This is when my nerves are the worst: anticipating, like standing in line for a roller coaster that you can see looping and dropping.

Once I'm in the ring I'm fine.

In live situations how you handle nervousness will relate to how you train. If you're confident that you can mess the guy up, you can actually just knock him about a bit and that's it.

[sakko]

Evo I think he's talking more about sporadic situations that pop up. I get this way sometimes with roadrage incidents. Example, I'm in the right lane and some lady turns out of a parking lot right in front of me, wants to get across my lane into another but can't and decides to just stop right in front of me. Realizing she's a moron, and could have caused us both an accident I give her a good long honk. The light turns green at this point and she mosey's out of my lane and actually honks back. At first I'm like ??? wtf are you honking for lady you're the one who F'd up.

So I pull along side her and look over and I'm getting the double bird from her and her passenger. At this point I'm a wild man. I gun it through the intersection and change lanes to get right behind her. At this point thoughts of air strikes and disembowlments are going through my head, I love to just smack this dumb ***** upside the head with a tire iron. This lasts about 5-10 seconds when I realize there's really nothing I can do, and like every other moron on the road, she's going to go on ****ing people off on a daily basis cause she's selfish, inconsiderate and self centered and a bad driver to boot.

As I pull away and continue home I feel totally wierd, all jittery and shaky. It's totally an adrenaline thing. It's that energy that would've gone into the whole "tire iron" scenario. I wish I wasn't prone to road rage... I'm usually cool with the morons on the road, but sometimes it gets the better of me

[Ray Pina]

How you handle a street fight depends on how you have trained, how comfortable you are in a violent situation.

As for road rage, ect, here's a buddhist story:

A fisherman who was about to head out to fish got all ****ed off because another boat coming into dock bumped him, but caused no damage.

Once out, the guy calmed down and even fell asleep.

A half hour later, he was awaken by a jolt. He picked his head up only to find that an empty row boat had drifted into him... at this, pondering the strangeness of the empty boat and the odds of it bumping him on an empty lake .... he laughed.

...

Same situation happened (boat bumping), but because the boat was empty this time things were cool. Empty the boat.

[sakko]

Hmm... I'm not quite sure I understand... or how I can relate it to driving... can you elaborate?

[Shaolinlueb]

should have been like

"what did the 5 fingers say to the face?"

SLAP!

then say "im rick james *****!"