I was watching the Simpsons, decompressing after practice, at around 10:30 last night. My wife and kid had gone to bed when I heard this banging in the kitchen. At the time, I thought my wife had got up to get a snack and was openning and closing the refrigerator door. In reality, it was someone trying to pry the screen off of our window. It's funny how your perceptions can mold a stimuli to fit into what your mind thinks should be happening. But it was too loud and incessant - my wife is really quiet and sneaks up on me all the time - so I got up to investigate. Again, my mind was thinking that maybe my wife was mad or something, and that's why she was slamming the refrigerator door, even though that would be so unlikely for her - more like something I would do. As soon as I got up, I knew something was wrong since the bedrooms were undisturbed. I turned on a light, and that alerted the perpetrator, who fled. I saw a shadow cross the window. I dashed back to my room, crossing paths with my wife in the hall, who asked what was going on. I told her to I thought someone was out there and to stay with our child. I got to my weapons rack.

Now as an aside, one of my shixiong, Robert Daniels, from a long time ago stopped a home intruder. I think Robert may be teaching in Seattle, so if anyone knows him, say 'hi' for me. Anyway, there had been a series of mid-day break-ins at his apartment complex. He was home in the afternoon and his room was right over the door. He heard a noise, looked out the window and saw someone working the door with a screwdriver. He ran to his weapons rack. Now, this is why I bring this up - he couldn't decide quickly. When he did decide, his chose a wushu broadsword, which probably wasn't the best choice, practically speaking. But he managed to be coming downstairs right when the guy got in the door. Imagine, you break into a house to see this big dude charging you with a broadsword. He turned tail and ran. Later, the cops commented after seeing the broadsword "too bad you didn't catch him".

For many years, I keep the equivalent of a pillow sword by my bedside. My wife always commented that it was a "guy thing." Perhaps it is. After Robert's experience, I had given it a lot of thought and figured that a bokken was the best home defense weapon for me. I specialized in sword for years, CMA, fencing and kendo, so a bokken is very versatile for me. For a long time, I kept a bokken by my bed, however, in the last few years, I lost the affectation.

So there I was at my weapons rack, with all this is flashing through my mind. It's dark, so I have to feel my way. Over years of neglect, my bokken is buried under a bunch of stuff - I couldn't find it anyway. So I grab my heavy dragon-head cane, the one I competed with for years; I even took it to China when I was on the US AAU national team. I also grab my 4-D maglite. I worked my way through college at a sleazy discount movie theater and we all got really proficient with maglites. Of course, by the time I've retreived all of this, the perpetrator is gone.

The cops were there in about five minutes. They said that they had a similar break-in in the neighborhood a few minutes earlier. They sent a CSI guy out to take prints. The would-be intruder had unscrewed the yard lights so they wouldn't turn on. Given the smudges left on my broken screen and the window, the CSI cop thought the intruder was wearing gloves.

It was all over in an hour. My wife and I moved our kid to our bed to sleep between us. We watched Letterman to unwind a bit. I finished off a bottle of Jack Daniels, then broke into a bottle of Talisker.

Now, the morning after, I'm still buzzing from the experience. This weekend will be devoted to installing some more motion detector lights outside and re-evaluating my home defense weapons. Martially speaking, it has my reflecting on my practice. I've let my weapons practice slide a bit in the last year or so - that needs to be remedied. Also, I've gained new respect for the kung fu uniform. When people ask me how to get to a local CMA tournament, I often reply, "look for a bunch of people in their pajamas". Standing in my yard with my cane, maglite and pajamas, I'm more appreciative of our practice garb.