Do breakups have effect on Martial Arts

[digitalmantis]

I have had numerous disastrous breakups. In fact I'm going through one right now. I have dealt with these in 2 different manners, one was helpful the other destructive.

I'll start with the destructive one.

- I stopped training, started to drink more than I should have been, earned a DUI, quit my job,(turned my keys in and walked out), trashed my apt., left my teacher and club w/out notice, keyed my X's car, which I had to pay for (how mature was that)? , relocated geographically and started my life over. Did it help?

Not really. The issues I had are still there and I'm still dealing with them to this day. The difference is that I'm doing it correctly now.

For instance:

I broke up with my most recent g/f last month. Here is how I'm handling it.

- Staying social, going out with friends, doing constructive things, staying focused on my career, I haven't neglected my hobbies, my training , my family or my health. I've done a lot of soul searching instead of blaming and even gone as far as to seek the counsel of someone who can listen to my distress with a non-biased opinion.

The result? I've gotten much closer to the girl who I thought I couldn't be with, my training has gotten more intense than ever before, I'm much healthier mentally and physically, I've made new friends and developed a new social life.

Oh, and yes Meditation is key. Let your emotions flow, cry if you have to do a lot of it, it's healty and you'll feel much better when it's all said and done.

just my $.02

[PangQuan]

If your still young, forget about the girls. All you should be doing at this point in your life is practicing your Kung Fu. So as I see it you have two options. Either you go start training right now and get over it, or you need to just give up all hope and quite training right now. It is your decision, dont feel sorry for yourself, I know I may be coming off a bit hard, but hey, life is hard, and this is the simple truth. What ever happens happens. If it was not meant to be then it was not meant to be. Everyone is born into this world with a role to play.

[TaiChiBob]

Greetings..

Everyone is born into this world with a role to play.

indeed, and that role is one of creator.. create your own sorrow or joy, you're the only one who can.. Life is defined by change, change is life, itself.. we may not like some of the changes, but to let it throw us off our path is a weakness.. each day, each moment is a new beginning.. a new choice to create yourself in your highest and best dream.. there is only opportunity and possibility ahead of you, unless you are too busy looking in the rear-view mirror to see the road ahead..

And, yes.. embrace your sorrow, feel its pain.. it is from those depths that you can compare even higher joys.. it is the extremes in our lives that set the limits of the human experience.. in a paradoxical way you can be grateful for the broader range of experience you now have, it will expand equally in the opposite direction and you will feel joys at the same intensity with which you feel this sorrow..

your kung fu is not your lover, it is your spirit.. it will be there no matter what.. respect it for what it is, and it is not an escape.. it is a path you have chosen that speaks of your character and spirit.. celebrate whou YOU are..

Be well..

[kyklos]

Spend my days with a woman unkind,
smoked my stuff and drank all my wine,
made up my mind to make a new start,
goin to california with an achin in my heart.

Someone told me there's a girl out there,
with love in her eyes and flowers in her hair.
Took my chances on a big jet plane,
never let em tell you that their all the same,

The sea was red and the sky was grey,
wonder how tomorow could ever follow today,
Mountains and the canyons start to tremble and shake,
the children of the sun begin to awake.

It seems that the wrath of the gods god a punch on the nose and its startin to flow I think I might be sinkin.
Throw me a line if I reach it in time,
meet you up there were the path runs straight and high.

find me a Queen without a king,
they say she plays guitar and cries and sings
ride a white mare in the footsteps of dawn,
tryin to find a woman who's never never been born.

Standin on a hill my mountain of dreams,
tellin myself its not as hard as it seems.

you may feel
but i promise you'll look back on it with

[Royal Dragon]

Me, I'm not the type to bond deeply with others period, but when I do, I bond 110%. So for me break ups are prettty crippling for quite sometime. I just went through a very hard one, and to be honest, I'm still messed up over it.

I've found fighitng the depression does me no good. I generaly quit training at first, sleep alot more, and find my self going out on long high speed drives (Often 140 mph +) and end up out alone with the 8 ball at my favorite pool hall alot.

Once that phase is done, I start to cling excessively to my dearest friends (People that are family to me), and go out with them ALOT!!

After that, wake up and realise my appartment is trashed from neglect, and I start cleaning like crazy. I feel this is the begining of my healing phase.

The final step is to get back into my training, and start surfing Match.com again.

I have found that if I don'tgo through each of these steps in turn, at thier own pace, I get stuck and can't move on. So basically I don't fight it, and go with the flow of my moods untill I come back to the training phase on my own. Once I get there, I can't stop myself. I often make the best strides in progress and undestanding that way.

[Tai Chi Shawn]

Girls can screw everything up. They don't even need to train to defeat your Kung Fu. Women are proof that God has a sense of humour, and also that He's simultaneously cruel.

Train. Train your ass off. Don't let one thing get mixed up with the other.

shawn
ps ... I'm truly not bitter women are my favourite passtime.

[Scythefall]

These suggestions to beat on a bag or to ignore chi gung because you might have to deal with the inner turmoil are absolutely horrible. Wearing yourself out or otherwise avoiding an issue until it "doesn't bother you anymore" is the worst step you can take. Any deep emotional issue needs to be dealt with as it is occurring or it will come back later in life in one form or another. Generally, you will want to make yourself acutely aware of everything that happened to lead to the breakup. Replay the ending in your head until your mind, body, and spirit say "I must have another purpose, i need to get going to find out what that is."

You'll find your strength again though.

[digitalmantis]

all these suggestions are well and good but we must remember that eveyrone handles emotional issues differently. What works for one may not work for the other. I do however agree that when a break up occurs careful self-examination needs to take place. If we find that the fault is within us we apologize to the affected party and move forward. If the fault is within the other party we forgive them using our compassion and move forward.
In any case we must move forward and keep a positive outlook.

I'm going through it so I know it's not easy. I broke up with the love of my life in October later I realized I made a mistake breaking up with her and when I asked her for a second chance she more or less told me f.k U! Now I'm taking advantage of being single and doing all of the things I couldn't when I was with her. I'm also using this time to correct all the behaviours that led to our problems. Even if I don't get back with her I won't make the same mistakes again.

:-) Live and learn.