teacher/student relationship

[bung bo]

There is a thread about this on the main forum, but I consider this one more mature and would like to hear what people of the mantis community have to say about this. I know non-mantis people browse this forum and you are welcome to respond. Just keep it serious and on-topic. This is something I think about a lot. What do some of you consider good, bad, unacceptable?

[Chief Fox]

I also think about this stuff a lot. My sifu works full time at another job and runs his kung fu school part time. I respect his dedication to his art.

We both keep our relationship as Student/Teacher. We exchange videos sometimes and I try to set a good example in class for the other students.

His school is in need of help in the area of marketing. I'm a graphic designer/web designer so I have a certain amount of experience in this area. I try to help where I can but I think he is reluctant to ask because he would not be able to pay me. I try to tell him that I don't require payment.

I have helped him on a few projects but that is it. He also knows that I have a full time job and a family so this is also a reason for him not to ask.

[unixfudotnet]

We have a common respect and willingness to help each other. Someone I can talk to openly and I believe it is the other way around, though like friends, I am not as close as students who have just been around longer.

Seems it is like a family, we have each other's phone numbers and get along great. If he can not do class sometime, I understand, life does happen. I feel happy that he is willing to teach me. He also understands if I am not able to make it in, yet jokes around about it when I come in next, hehe.

I love going to class, even if the work is hard sometimes

Class is more one on one instruction, with no question too small or rejected. As long as I am willing to learn and put forth the effort, then he will keep teaching me Plus I seem to be a fast learner and get things quickly (most the time), heh.

I love my teacher/student relationship. He runs the school as a side job and spends time there away from his family for the art and students, as he has for many many years. Just wish I was a senior student so I could pick up a class or two to help him out sometimes :-D

[WanderingMonk]

expectation

what is acceptable expectation?

Chinese culturally has one set of expectation.
1. very traditional: father and son type relationship
2. less traditional: senior to junior relationship; i.e. mentor/apprentice

American culturally has a different set of expectation.
1. more traditional: senior to junior; i.e.,coach/student
2. less traditional: friends.

depending on their expectation, it determine what they view as acceptable and unacceptable.

[devout]

a teacher leaves a mark. good, ill, its there. its yours to keep, and that being so, treat him or her with regards to that

[shang wu]

This is as varied as people. There is no set relationship, and relationships change with time. It’s easy to control people by setting out all the rules of conduct bow here bow there, yes sir no sir, jump! how hi sir? But I ask what kind of relationship is this. At the heart of a good relationship at first there is respect, then trust then over time attachment & love. Am I getting to touchy feely , I think anyone that has had a long term relationship w/ a teacher knows this , but as a student and a teacher I must say that freedom and letting go so the student can grow is the true test of the relationship.

[bung bo]

devout--you're still out there?!?! Drop in anytime! I've dropped many'a reference in class that no one would get but you.

Chief Fox--My shrfu has a full-time job as well. He has a family. He has a slew of other responsibilities to attend to. But he's there 4 times a week teaching class. Sick, injured, you name it, but he's there putting up with slow learners like me. If you put the effort forward, he will teach till the cows come home.

unixfudonet--Good answer. I love going to class, too. Even when I'm injured and I know I am going to hurt some, it's really great to be with my friends. We hang out some outside of class, but I live far from all of them.

shang wu--I would like to meet you. My shrfu has said good things about you.

Great stuff, dudes. Thanks for reponding. Keep it coming.

[yu shan]

Nice thread, I wonder if this has been brought up here before? This is a subject that is dear to my heart. Because in my little history of living the kung fu life, I have had many teachers. Not all of them do I hold close, but the few that I do, they have found a place in my soul. I think of these men often. True, the "mark" Devout speaks of can be ill or good, Shifu`s are human beings. I reflect back on training with teachers all the time. I share these stories with students, I feel this is important. I never bad mouth a teacher... I`ll take the "ill mark" and make it a learning and positive experience. I feel lucky to have had the experiences with these men, good or bad... I learned! Men who took the time out of there lives to share KF with me did leave a mark! And I`m trying my best to leave mine. And yes, as sad as it is, we do have to let students go to explore, they know my door will always be open.

[sayloc]

I agree with yushan. You can benefit from the good and bad experiences with an instructor. My father taught me how to make a bad situation work in your favor. That is one of the most valuble lessons I have learned and try to pass it on to my students. This is also very important in fighting.

I agreee with yushan again, Insturctors are just human beings like everyone else (Although I have known many that think they are much higher beings than the rest of us walking the earth).

I teach my students that the reason for the high levels of control (the yes sirs, no sirs and standing at attention when a technique is being desribed) is because the techniques being taught were used at one point in time as killing techniques on the battle field. They are still lethal. I have many things happening in my class at one time and it is important that everyone understands exactly what they are to do. I have found that it is ussually the slacker that hurts the other people who are attentive.

This safety issue is another reason why only one person is in charge of a class. People get hurt when the instructor is teaching somthing one way and the hot shot student comes behind your back and says "no I saw it this way" . Ths is very dangerous especially when doing partner drills.

If I have a senior student running a class for me, I will walk up and ask HIM if there is anything he needs help with. If I see him doing somthing that is not right, I will approach him in private and make the corection, not in front of thestudents.

I know my school would not be doing as well as it is if it were not for the things my students have taught me. Things like business aspects,computers, marketing,........the list goes on.

[BebopBelt]

At my school things are pretty traditional yes/no sir/mam bowing to black belts etc. But I think the most important thing and something I really value that my Sifu implements is a good balance between formality and relaxed atmosphere. We are respectful and know to follow the rules, else we'll be doing pushups but at the same time it's okay to mess up we won't be ridiculed or looked down on. Respect is a mutal thing.

I would say as one person suggested it is more like a father/child relationship. He knows best he has been training for a very long time so I have alot of respect for him. I know that as long as I try hard and practice then that is enough. I'm not the most coordinated person in the world but he lets me know that's okay and works with me without making me feel foolish. At the same time I have seen him give out hugs and when I asked him about the flag on our wall he took the time to look at it with me and point out what it means and what the colors of the sashes on our swords symbolize. I haven't really had a father figure in my life and I would say my Sifu is a male figure I can say that I truly respect, ALOT.

[yu shan]

I have been told, these treasures our Teachers share with us... are GOLD! I happen to agree with this. Gold thrown at our feet!

My folks do not have to do the push up thing, it never gets to that point. One thing that I worry about is, students that come and go! I mean quality men that train for a month or so and then leave for about the same amount of time. And then want to come back, and yes my door is open to them. In my history with KF, I never left, took time off, just kept plugging away. I get frustrated with these type of students. They get alot of my energy and time, I do not understand this behavior.

Bebop

It is refreshing to here how you feel about your Shifu.

[sayloc]

yushan

I agree...Gold....pure Gold!!


I think the problem is that we take the art as a serious way of life. 99% of the people who walk in the door do not have that kind of interest. They are the ones who just want to get some exercise or tell people "Yeah...Im a kung fu guy". Many people are talkers. I came across a post two weeks ago on the main forum from one of my x students. The kid trained for about 3 months (once a week when he wasnt at play practice) and even then he could only get half way through class without being to the point of throwing up. You should have heard him post...sounded like he had trained for 20 years! You guessed it. He didnt have the respect to tell me he could not attend class anymore.

I do hope I touched his life in a positive way.

I see teaching kung fu like mining for diamonds. You have to go through alot of fill dirt just to get to a good diamond.

The old saying goes if you have a good sifu you should take care of him. I think it goes the other way also, if you have a good student you have to take care of them.

By the way, I have alot of people who still owe me for December. Do you think that may have somthing to do with christmas?

I hope thier friends enjoy the gifts I bought for

[shang wu]

Hey guys
For as long as I have been teaching this for a living (some time in the late seventies) it has always been this way, for me anyway and many I talk to. The best cure is clear expectations in regards to all things, training, attendance, and protocol; we experience most of our challenge in the gray zone. Be clear. Our suffering comes from a desire for things to be other than they are. All in all teaching martial art is about as good as it gets in my view, what else would I rather be doing? When I was a kid I knew what I wanted to do, and I have had the GOOD fortune to be able to do it. Smooth seas don’t make good sailors. I mean look at us we are a different breed; all we have been talking about comes with it. There is no business, or relationship that dose not have it’s challenge, this is a fact of life, and this lifestyle is awesome.

[sayloc]

Shang Wu

I agree the best theing to do is make things clear. Even though I do this I still have some the problems. Usually thhose people weed themselves out and are not a problem for long.

I still do not do the contracts or belt system. I know that this works for many people, I cant sell it if I dont believe in it. I dont have what it takes to be the pushy "Karate salesman". If I wanted to do that I would go into "sales" and make some real money.

Keeping to the student instructor relashionship:

I do find it harder not to try to get as much $$ out of a student while he/she is with me as I can. I see them buying cd's, $60 jeans, taking expensive vacations, slamming $50 worth of booze in one night, and I think "why should I feel guilty about trying to get just a little extra for somthing that is good for them"?

All that being said i have to agree, it is one of the best jobs going. I have spent 15 years in the corp world and have been doing this full time for a number years. I could not imagine going back and working for someone again. Although I try to keep the attitude that my students are my costumers and I work for them evry day. It is still a little different.

I have seen you in a demo about 12 years ago. All I have to say about it is MAN, YOU ARE GOOD!

[yu shan]

Yes Sir we are differant. I have to say, I see men my age and most of them look terrible. I believe Kung Fu has been good to me, mind, body and spirit. It has also introduced me to some of the most noble and talented men/women. There is something about our kung fu, that seems to attract quality.

After reading the info provided here by most competent Teachers, I have learned yet again. Maybe I do have to spell things out a little more clear. Sometimes I assume that this is being shared by older brothers and sisters in the club. One thing that causes discontent with me is, attendance. For myself, I was not allowed to miss class, nuff said. I only have four classes a week, students need to take advantage of this. What do you do about students that do this train for a month or so and take a hiatus. Then come back and do all over again... this burns me out. Gentlemen, are my expectations too high? I know how Shifu`s taught me, and I am trying my best to pass this on. All I expect is, show up and train, pay me, and be the best person they possible can be. I try to teach the "goodness" of KF thru gradual and persistent efforts. I try to lead by example, whether I`m doing Beng Bu, talking about keeping good credit, or chivalry. This generation seem very self centered and babied. Oh well, what do you do!