"16 things that took me 50 years to learn"

[FuXnDajenariht]

i found this at another forum....made my morning...

by Dave Barry, Nationally Syndicated Columnist

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

5. You should not confuse your career with your life.

6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. (I wish I had!)

7. Never lick a steak knife.

8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 21.

12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to a waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)

14. Your friends love you anyway.

15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

16. Thought for the day: Men are like fine wine . . . They start out as grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

FINAL THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2030, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them

[IronFist]

lol

[IronFist]

btw, do you mean for your custom title to say "we're all gonna die?"

[FuXnDajenariht]

nevermind.

[FuXnDajenariht]

yes.

[CaptinPickAxe]

Congrats! Number 16 made my sig. I spit Jack in the Box and Dr.Pepper all over my room. I have to clean up now....farewell.

[SPJ]

Agreed on #16.

[FuXnDajenariht]

lmao thanks i didn't write it, but getting sumone to spit their drink all over themselves and everything else in the immediate area is the mark of greatness in my opinion.

[MoreMisfortune]

i disagree with 16

the existance of women actually hinders much of my human potential by making (several times) my instincts overcome my racionality.

and this world of fancy dinners with people wearing pretty clothes and... 3 forks and 3 knifes on the table (that you never know what are for) with fancy looking table and all that medieval inspired shyt - are crap
thats not real life, fancy dinners are a pathetic useless invention that still carries on simply cos the great majority of people themselves are pathetic and uncapable of thinking for themselves and creating things
i wont even get into detail, or i would write 10 friggin pages

besides that...
you know what i think?
number 16 is for metros and pu.ssy whipped momma boys f@ggots

[FuXnDajenariht]

ah u crazy brazilian. i still love ya tho. why u never in the chatroom? i think i got banned, tho i dont see how since im not a member but still. its the principle.

[SevenStar]

Originally posted by MoreMisfortune
i disagree with 16

the existance of women actually hinders much of my human potential by making (several times) my instincts overcome my racionality.

and this world of fancy dinners with people wearing pretty clothes and... 3 forks and 3 knifes on the table (that you never know what are for) with fancy looking table and all that medieval inspired shyt - are crap
thats not real life, fancy dinners are a pathetic useless invention that still carries on simply cos the great majority of people themselves are pathetic and uncapable of thinking for themselves and creating things
i wont even get into detail, or i would write 10 friggin pages

besides that...
you know what i think?
number 16 is for metros and pu.ssy whipped momma boys f@ggots

all this from a guy that can't get laid to save his life... even if 16 is for p-whipped momma's boys, at least they're gettin some. better a p-whipped momma's boy than a c0ck strong man with his v-card...

[rogue]

Oh man. MoreMisfortune just got dissed by Urkel!

[unixfudotnet]

very funny, made me and my coworkers laugh.

thanks!

[David Jamieson]

actually rogue, it is "judo hobo".

At least, I thought there was a concensus.

[mortal]

lolo I love that guy. I read he is always so very funny!