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Thread: Friday Jokes

  1. 04-15-2005, 03:59 PM #1
    PangQuan
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    Friday Jokes

    Murphy's Laws of Martial Arts

    The wimp who made it through the eliminations on luck alone will suddenly turn into Bruce Lee when you're up against him.

    The referee will always be looking the other way when you score.

    The day you leave work early to make it to class on time, the instructor will be sick.

    The instructor will only use you during demonstrations for joint-locking techniques.

    If you have to use your training in self-defense, your attacker's father will be a lawyer.

    After a flawless demonstration, you will trip on your way back to your seat.

    After years of training without a single injury, you will pull a groin muscle the night before your black belt exam.

    No matter how many times you take care of it before your promotion exam, you will invariably have to go to the bathroom when it's your turn.
    Last edited by PangQuan; 04-15-2005 at 04:07 PM.
    A man has only one death. That death may be as weighty as Mt. Tai, or it may be as light as a goose feather. It all depends upon the way he uses it....
    ~Sima Qian

    Master pain, or pain will master you.
    ~PangQuan

    "Just do your practice. Who cares if someone else's practice is not traditional, or even fake? What does that have to do with you?"
    ~Gene "The Crotch Master" Ching

    You know you want to click me!!
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  2. 04-15-2005, 04:18 PM #2
    PangQuan
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    Top 10 Reasons why some Men prefer Guns over Women

    10. You can trade an old 44 for a new 22.
    9. You can keep one handgun at home and have another for when you're on the road.
    8. If you admire a friend's handgun and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.
    7. Your primary handgun doesn't mind if you keep another handgun for a backup.
    6. Your handgun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo.
    5. A handgun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.
    4. Handguns function normally every day of the month.
    3. A handgun doesn't ask , "Do these new grips make me look fat?"
    2. A handgun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.

    And the number one reason a handgun is favored over a woman

    1. YOU CAN BUY A SILENCER FOR A HANDGUN.
    A man has only one death. That death may be as weighty as Mt. Tai, or it may be as light as a goose feather. It all depends upon the way he uses it....
    ~Sima Qian

    Master pain, or pain will master you.
    ~PangQuan

    "Just do your practice. Who cares if someone else's practice is not traditional, or even fake? What does that have to do with you?"
    ~Gene "The Crotch Master" Ching

    You know you want to click me!!
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  3. 04-15-2005, 04:42 PM #3
    bigdoing's Avatar
    bigdoing
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    Why didnt LLyod Banks and Young Buck get on the bus??????
    They didnt have 50 cent.
    Bryan Davis
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  4. 04-15-2005, 07:47 PM #4
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    More Murphy's Laws of Martial Arts...

    The ref see's you score, halts the match, then you opponant sneeks in a killer right hook just after you drop your gaurd...

    The day you meet that special someone will be the day after a fantastic full contact sparring session...

    The sifu grading your rank test doesn't see the guy next to you blow the bow-in out of nervs but fails you for your flawless spin kick...

    Sifu will never notice you practicing by yourself unless you just made a huge flub...
    Quote Originally Posted by Oso View Post
    you're kidding? i would love to drink that beer just BECAUSE it's in a dead animal...i may even pick up the next dead squirrel i see and stuff a budweiser in it
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  5. 05-04-2007, 01:07 PM #5
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    Little girl asked here mom, "Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?"

    Mom replies, "No, she's in heat."

    "What's 'in heat' mean," the girl asks.

    "Go ask your father. I think he's in the garage."

    The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she the dog was in heat, and to ask you."

    Dad told the little girl to bring Belle over. He soaked a rag with gasoline, then scrubbed the dog's backside with it to disguise the scent and said, "There, now you can walk the dog, but keep Belle on her leash and only go around the block one time."

    The little girl left and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash. Suprized, her dad asked here where Belle was.

    "Daddy, you didn't give her enough gas! She ran out on the other side of the block, so another dog is pushing her home."
    Quote Originally Posted by Oso View Post
    you're kidding? i would love to drink that beer just BECAUSE it's in a dead animal...i may even pick up the next dead squirrel i see and stuff a budweiser in it
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  6. 05-04-2007, 01:15 PM #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by PangQuan View Post
    The instructor will only use you during demonstrations for joint-locking techniques.

    After years of training without a single injury, you will pull a groin muscle the night before your black belt exam.

    .

    Dude these are not funny.

    I am double jointed. So I am always the Chin Na practice dummy. I am also pretty good at falling, so I am also the throwing dummy.

    And right before my first black belt test, I dislocated my ankle, tore ligaments. So my test was postponed 8months. 6month for me to heal and another 3month to catch back up.
    Master of Shaolin I-Ching Bu Ti, GunGoPow and I Hung Wei Lo styles.

    I am seeking sparring partner. Any level. Looking for blondes or redhead. 5'2" to 5'9". Between 115-135 weight class. Females between 17-30 only need apply. Will extensively work on grappling.
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  7. 05-04-2007, 01:26 PM #7
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    What do Michael Jackson and wal-mart have in common?










    All Boys pants half off
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  8. 05-04-2007, 01:34 PM #8
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    Those three magic words after sex......


    who's got next?
    I need batteries
    crabs??? oh ****!
    ssshh...wardens coming
    coldsore? my ass!
    well, you tried
    I'll get better!
    can't get worse!
    E for effort
    that was amazing
    You came already?!
    Who are you?
    Your Taxi's Outside


    Feel free to add.............
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  9. 05-04-2007, 02:02 PM #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by banditshaw View Post
    Those three magic words after sex......


    .............
    WTF!
    Hey! That hurt!
    My turn next!
    Quote Originally Posted by Oso View Post
    you're kidding? i would love to drink that beer just BECAUSE it's in a dead animal...i may even pick up the next dead squirrel i see and stuff a budweiser in it
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  10. 05-04-2007, 02:19 PM #10
    PangQuan
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    Quote Originally Posted by banditshaw View Post
    Those three magic words after sex...............

    Again, again, again!
    A man has only one death. That death may be as weighty as Mt. Tai, or it may be as light as a goose feather. It all depends upon the way he uses it....
    ~Sima Qian

    Master pain, or pain will master you.
    ~PangQuan

    "Just do your practice. Who cares if someone else's practice is not traditional, or even fake? What does that have to do with you?"
    ~Gene "The Crotch Master" Ching

    You know you want to click me!!
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  11. 05-04-2007, 04:00 PM #11
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    What did the hat say to the scarf?













    You go on ahead. I'll go around.




    ba dum ch.
    The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it's still on the list.

    www.curious3d.com
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  12. 05-04-2007, 04:03 PM #12
    PangQuan
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    Little Johnny catches his parents going at it. He yells in, "Hey,
    Pop! What are you doin'?"
    His father says, "Son, I'm filling your mother's tank."
    Johnny says, "Oh, yeah? Well, you better get a model that
    gets better mileage. The postman filled her this morning."
    A man has only one death. That death may be as weighty as Mt. Tai, or it may be as light as a goose feather. It all depends upon the way he uses it....
    ~Sima Qian

    Master pain, or pain will master you.
    ~PangQuan

    "Just do your practice. Who cares if someone else's practice is not traditional, or even fake? What does that have to do with you?"
    ~Gene "The Crotch Master" Ching

    You know you want to click me!!
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  13. 05-04-2007, 04:57 PM #13
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    this one's for Ming Yue.
    Dylexics
    of the World
    UNTIE !

    re-read your joke...
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  14. 05-04-2007, 07:09 PM #14
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    Oh for sete's pake.

    The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it's still on the list.

    www.curious3d.com
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  15. 05-05-2007, 09:02 AM #15
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    why'd the kid fall off the swing?

    cause he was dead.
    where's my beer?
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