You know when ducks migrate how they form a big V?
You know how one side of the V is sometimes longer than the other side?
You know why that is?
Because there's more ducks on that side.
Itinerant practitioner
You know when ducks migrate how they form a big V?
You know how one side of the V is sometimes longer than the other side?
You know why that is?
Because there's more ducks on that side.
Kung Fu is good for you.
Unregistered User
Never Show Up Late!
A priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the Parish. A leading Senator and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner. He was delayed, so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited.
"I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it. He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his employer, had and affair with his boss's wife; taken illegal drugs, and gave VD to his sister.
I was appalled. But as the days went on I knew that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people.".....
Just as the priest finished his talk, the republican senator arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and gave his talk. "I'll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived," said the politician. "In fact, I had the honor of being the first person to go to him for confession."
Moral: NEVER, NEVER, NEVER BE LATE!
A man has only one death. That death may be as weighty as Mt. Tai, or it may be as light as a goose feather. It all depends upon the way he uses it....
~Sima Qian
Master pain, or pain will master you.
~PangQuan
"Just do your practice. Who cares if someone else's practice is not traditional, or even fake? What does that have to do with you?"
~Gene "The Crotch Master" Ching
You know you want to click me!!
GKK 4 LIFE
Originally Posted by Becca
i once had a really loud dog till one day
my neighbor coulddnt take it any more
while i was away she snuck in and put gasoline in his food
so i went to walk him in a near by field and let him off the lead and he kept running and running and running
till he just stopped and fell on the flaw
my friend was with me asked me if he was dead
so very upset, i went and checked him
but to my surprise i found he was still breathing
so i shouted back
ITS OK HE'S JUST RUN OUT OF PETROL!!
meh i tried
there are only masters where there are slaves
www.myspace.com/chenzhenfromjingwu
Itinerant practitioner
A kid is sitting on some church steps shaking a bottle of liquid when the priest steps out and says "what ya got there then?".
To which the kid replies "turpentine".
Looking up at the priest, the kid sees a small bottle on a chain in the priests belt.
Kid says "what's that?" and points at the bottle.
priest says "Oh, that's the most powerful liquid in the world, it's called holy water and if you put two drops on a pregnant woman's belly, she'll pass a boy, one drop and she'll pass a girl!"
The priest grins, the boy exclaims "That's nothing! With this turpentine, only one drop on a cat's ass and it will pass a motorcycle!"
Kung Fu is good for you.
Keeper of Useless Facts
ROTFLMAO!!!! Those were all good!
An old married couple are sitting down at the kitchen table doing thier taxes. The wife sits back, piches the bridge of her nose and says, "I thing I have lost my mind."
"Now honey, that just isn't true," her husband says. "You've been giving me a peice of your mind for years!"
Registered User
Don`t touch me.
Is That it?
Now get out.
get off me
Tastes like chicken.
call my chiropracter
kill the camera
ditch the rollerskates
serving number twentytwo
what`s that smell?
but why sheep?
this your floor?
The pizza`s here
And my wife`s fav.....
Let`s go shopping!!!!!
Glorified TCMAist
cab fare's on the dresser.
what was your name again?
you kiss just like Daddy!
I never said I would let you go afterwards.
I thought you had the handcuff key
oboy, wait till the guys hear about this!
This was my first time, with a girl.
This was my first time, with a real girl.
This was my first time with a girl that was alive.
wait right there, my friends wanna go next
Keeper of Useless Facts
New Scratch and Sniff!
Now you can remember they joys of this childhood favorite right from your computer!
(Let it load and turn up your sound. Trust me, it's worth the wait.)
Registered User
a guy gets a job at a bar, the owner tells him "ahhh, we've got some unusual customers here, we're a vampire bar"
The guys like "hey, whatever pays the bills". He's working away and the first vampire comes in "I'll take a glass of blood", the bartender poors the blood.
A young vampire couple walks in, "we'll both have a glass of blood", again, he pours them some blood.
A group of young vampire executives come in, glasses of blood for everyone.
At this point the guys thinking to himself "6 weeks in bartending school and I'm only pooring blood, whatever, it pays the bills"
another vampire walks in and the guy says "let me guess, a glass of blood"
this vampire says "no thanks I'll take a hot water" just then he pulled out a used tampon "I'm in the mood for tea"
Bless you
Without ME its just AWESO
a pirate walks into a bar with a ship steering wheel on his d1ck and orders a drink. the bartender brings him the drink and says "whats with the steering wheel?" and the pirate replies "arr its drivin me nuts"
Glorified TCMAist
This girl has a party, but it's a costume party. The rules are, you must come as an emotion.
The doorbell rings and the first guest is all in blue.
"What are you supposed to be?" the hostess asked.
"Well, it's obvious, I'm blue with melancholy.
Doorbell rings again and the next to arrive is wearing all green.
"And you, what emotion are you tonite?" she asked.
"I'm green with envy!"
The third guest arrived wearing all red.
"I'm red with rage!" he exclaimed.
Then Gene walks in.
He's completely naked, except for a container of flan on the end of his erect member.
In a state of shock, the hostess said,"Gene,You were supposed to come as an emotion!"
Gene replied, "I know. This Is my costume."
"What? What kind of emotion could you possibly be?" she queried.
Gene proudly exclaimed, "I'm fu(kin dis custid!"
Last edited by TenTigers; 06-26-2007 at 10:36 AM.
Glorified TCMAist
Jesus dies and goes up to Heaven. The first thing he does is look for his father, as he has never met the man before and is curious as to what he looks like, and whether or not Jesus looks like his mother or father, etc. He looks high and low but cannot find him.
He asks St. Peter "Where is my father?" But St. Peter says he doesn't know.
He asks the archangel Gabriel "Where is my father?" But Gabriel doesn't know.
He asks John the Baptist "Where is my father?" But John does not know. So he wanders Heaven, impatiently searching.
Suddenly he sees out of the mist an old man coming toward him. The man is very old, with white hair, stooped over a little. "Stop!" Jesus yells. "Who are you?"
"Oh, please help me, I am an old man in search of my son." Jesus is very curious. Could this be his father? "Tell me of your son, old man."
"Oh, you would know him if you saw him. Holes in his hand where the nails used to be, he was nailed to a cross, you know..."
"Father !!" Screams Jesus.
"Pinocchio !!" yells the old man.
Registered User
awesome
Bless you
Glorified TCMAist
What does a White Trash chick say during sex?
"Daddy get off of me, you're crushing my Marlboros!"
Keeper of Useless Facts
Why Sentence structure is so important.. .
The boss had to fire somebody, and he narrowed it down to one of two
people, Debra or Jack. It was an impossible decision because they were
both super workers. Rather than flip a coin, he decided he would fire
the first one who used the water cooler the next morning.
Debra came in the next morning with a horrible hangover after partying
all night. She went to the cooler to take an aspirin.
The boss approached her and said: "Debra, I've never done this before
but I have to lay you or Jack off."
"Could you jack off?" she says. "I feel like ****."
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