Seagal is at it again

[GeneChing]

I don't even want to know if this is real.... alas the internet. always good for a chuckle if you don't take it too seriously.

Public warned not to download naked photos of Steven Seagal



Fear has gripped online users who may have, in a furtive attempt to view intimate erotica of Jennifer Lawrence ‘before their family comes home’, inadvertently downloaded explicit images of Hollywood’s favourite martial arts veteran, ironic Buddhist and poster-boy for Cuprinol®. Although a sprightly 62, most teenage boys or frustrated husbands would admit that Mr. Seagal’s squinty-eyed leer is not quite the same as a gyrating Kim Kardashian.

As the FBI investigates the ‘iCloud’ celebrity picture leaks, they have taken the unprecedented steps to pixelate out Mr. Seagal’s genitals from raw footage of ‘Under Siege 2’. A spokesman said: ‘We take the hacking of celebrity accounts very seriously but of greater concern is that we could end up with Steven Seagal doing naked yoga lunges as a screen saver’.

Much of the confusion has been caused by a hyperlink named ‘bronzed arse on film’, which many assumed was a coded reference to a cavorting Miss Lawrence. Instead, once clicked, you are taken to gallery of ‘naked Seagals’, with all but a 7th-dan black belt to cover his aging ‘man bits’. One browser expressed surprise over the security leak: ‘Just how many pornographic selfies do celebs own? That’s a hell of a lot of photos, if you’ve filled your hard drive and you need to start storing the excess on a Cloud. Frankly, that’s a lot of narcissism, pouting and whipped cream’.

Around twenty celebrities are alleged to have been hacked, but half of all web addresses lead back to Mr. Seagal ‘…in his birthday suit’. An agent for the ‘Actor stroke Musician’ said: ‘Mr. Seagal is raising awareness of environmental issues by appearing stark bollock naked on your PC. You may be expecting to see Mary Elizabeth Winstead and her husband, but you’re much more likely to be concerned about the torture of baby elephants if you’re starring at something resembling a swinging, wrinkled, grey trunk’.

[GeneChing]

Russia's Kalashnikov Drops Actor Steven Seagal Over Tensions With U.S.
The Moscow TimesSep. 23 2014 14:47 Last edited 14:47


ABC15 Arizona / YouTube
The actor Steven Seagal will no longer promote Kalashnikov weapons.

Russia's iconic weapons maker Kalashnikov Concern has changed its mind about having action hero Steven Seagal promote the brand, with relations between Russia and the U.S. on sharp following the crisis in Ukraine.

"At the moment we have no plans to invite Steven Seagal to be the ambassador of our brand," a Kalashnikov spokesman said, the Izvestia newspaper reported Tuesday.

Discussions between Seagal and representatives from Kalashnikov were opened in January when it was thought the American star could boost the weapons maker's image in the U.S., the company's biggest market, the report said.

Since then relations between the U.S. and Russia have steadily soured, following Moscow's annexation of Crimea in March and its perceived support of separatists in the east of Ukraine. Kalashnikov Concern has also found itself among the Russian companies blacklisted by Washington in response to the crisis in Ukraine.

Having turned its back on Seagal, Kalashnikov is now looking for new ambassadors to help it break into emerging markets, namely Asia, Africa and Latin America, the company spokesman said.

It is estimated the decision not to work with Seagal will save the weapons maker between 17-21 million rubles ($444,000-$544,000) a year, Izvestia reported, citing an analyst.

I didn't even know this was happening...







and i never did click that, SKM. honestly, i don't wanna know...

[GeneChing]

Seagal is the Bill Cosby of martial arts.

Steven Seagal Lawsuit: Former Model and Assistant Suing Former ‘Under Siege’ Actor for Sexual harassment and Sexual trafficking
By KC Curay On January 5, 2015
Flickr Commons


Steven Seagal

Steven Seagal, the star of such hit movies as "Under Siege," "Hard to Kill," and "On Deadly Ground" is being sued for sexual trafficking and sexual harassment. The martial arts actor is being sued by a former employee and personal assistant, Kayden Nguyen, a 23-year old model, for $1 million. According to insider information from the judge's office and other insider documents, Kayden Nguyen alleges that the actor Steven Seagal hired her to be his personal assistant, but instead, the model ended up as his "sex toy." This is the phrase the model has used to describe her working relationship with the actor and as used in the language of the court documents. Here are more news about the Steven Seagal Lawsuit.

Aside from Nguyen, there are two other witnesses to strengthen her claims against the actor. These are also two former female employees who also experienced sexual harassment with the actor as Seagal attempted to come on to them. However, before the situation could escalate, both female employees resigned from their jobs.

Marty Singer is Steven Seagal's attorney and claims everything is just a foul case. Singer claims that the details of the lawsuit were obviously purposely leaked to the media to cause a loud sensation to garner some sort of sympathy for the alleged victim, Kayden Nguyen. Singer further claims that the allegations are quite absurd since Seagal claims that he doesn't know nor has no knowledge of any of the women, nor have they been in his employ.

However, Kelly LeBrock, Seagal's ex-wife casts a doubtful shadow on the actor's defense since she was the first to ever expose the martial artist's dark side when she revealed in past interviews that she was constantly raped and abused during their marriage together. LeBrock and Seagal married in 1987 and had 3 children together for nine years before the actress filed for divorce in 1994. Another reason for the divorce was that Seagal was having an affair with the couple's nanny. That same nanny ended up having a child by Seagal. As far back as 1991, some sexual harassment allegations were already surfacing about the action star.

[David Jamieson]

Let me get this straight...
Kelly LeBrock says she was raped and abused by Steve for years. 9 years she says.
They have kids together etc.

then he has an affair with a maid and THEN she decides to divorce?

Yeah...I'm gonna call BS on Kelly on that one.

[GeneChing]

Kremlin Won't Confirm Putin Asked Obama to Make Seagal Russian Consul'
The Moscow TimesApr. 22 2015 17:31 Last edited 17:31


Pete Souza / Wikicommons
Putin told Obama that “Seagal, the martial artist turned washed-up action hero, was just the man to pull U.S.-Russia relations back from the brink,” BuzzFeed reported.

The Kremlin has dismissed reports that Russian President Vladimir Putin asked U.S. counterpart Barack Obama to appoint action star Steven Seagal as an intermediary between the White House and the Kremlin.

Putin reportedly asked for Seagal to be appointed an honorary Russian consul in the U.S. states of California and Arizona during a G8 summit in northern Ireland two years ago, BuzzFeed reported Monday, citing unnamed U.S. officials who attended the meeting.

The June summit— held months before violence erupted in Ukraine in February 2014 and Russia's annexation of Crimea a month later — was fraught with tension over U.S. plans to arm opposition fighters in Syria, a move that Russia staunchly opposed.

Putin told Obama that “Seagal, the martial artist turned washed-up action hero, was just the man to pull U.S.-Russia relations back from the brink,” BuzzFeed reported, citing four unnamed current and former U.S. officials.

“Our reaction was, ‘You’ve got to be kidding,’” one of the officials was cited as saying.


Gage Skidmore / Flickr
Steven Seagal

But Kremlin spokesman Dmitry Peskov on Wednesday dismissed the report, telling journalists that it had been very much exaggerated.

“There is a lot of exaggerated and incorrect information in this article,” Peskov was cited as saying by Interfax, while noting that “[Seagal] indeed has deep sympathy toward our country, and he has met with the president several times, and they have a good relationship.”

Seagal is a popular guest among the Russian political elite, and the U.S. martial arts star has openly expressed his support for Russia's annexation of Crimea.

In an interview with state-run newspaper Rossiiskaya Gazeta in March last year, Seagal called Putin "one of the great living world leaders" and said he "would like to consider him as a brother."

The action hero this year dismissed reports he was planning to run for Arizona governor this year as “kind of a joke.”

If this happens, well...I won't know what to say.

[GeneChing]

Vladimir Putin ducks out of a martial arts fight with Hollywood action star Steven Seagal
RUSSIAN president Vladimir Putin has been flexing his country's military muscle in recent days but a bout with Hollywood action man Steven Seagal has proved too much of a challenge.
By Rob Virtue
PUBLISHED: 00:00, Mon, Sep 7, 2015 | UPDATED: 19:28, Mon, Sep 7, 2015


GETTY
Steven Seagal and Russian president Vladimir Putin

The bizarre match up was posed by China's deputy prime minister Wang Yang on the final day of a meeting of nations in eastern Russia, while the three were being taken on a tour of an aquarium.

Putin, a long-time friend of Seagal, has regularly taken to the martial arts mat but decided against fighting the star action films such as Under Siege.

Seagal has in the past defended Russia's invasion of Crimea and even performed a concert for pro-separatists.

The Russian leader, 62, appeared as a celebrity guest at a special Russian martial arts competition earlier this year and has previously joked of a bout with Seagal.

The Hollywood action hero, 63, is one of the president's favourite showbiz friends and is a regular visitor to Russia.

The suggestion was made on the final day of the Eastern Economic Forum in Vladivostok, during a tour of one of the biggest aquariums in the world when it opens in 2016.


AP
Putin and Seagal met last week at a political forum

Seagal, who did not want to discuss the proposed bout, attended the Forum along with former Baywatch star Pamela Anderson, 48.

They used it to speak about their wildlife protection activities.

Seagal said he was "happy to use my face to help the leopards".

He also attended an eco-auction for the big cats in Russia and was given the chance to name one of the females.

He said: "I called her Queen Borte. That is the name of the first wife of Gengis Khan.

"A strong name will give the animal additional power."

It was revealed on Sunday Putin was building an air base in Syria from which to attack Islamic State.

That was seen as a show of support for the nation's leader Bashar al-Assad, who is one of Putin's key allies.

My respect for Seagal would have gone through the roof if he was able to pull this one off...

[GeneChing]

Steven Seagal gets Serbian citizenship after offering to start martial arts school
Action star and friend of Vladimir Putin has made several visits to Serbia, meeting with president and prime minister and saying he feels like a Serb


Vladimir Putin and Steven Seagal visit a new sports arena in Moscow in 2013. Photograph: Alexei Nikolsky/AP
Staff and agencies
Monday 11 January 2016 12.02 EST Last modified on Monday 11 January 2016 12.40 EST

Serbia has granted citizenship to American action hero Steven Seagal, state television reported Monday, after he offered to set up a martial arts school in Belgrade.

The decision, announced in the official state gazette, came after the veteran actor and producer made two recent visits to Serbia, praising its populist leadership and saying he feels like a Serb.

The star of Under Siege and Above the Law visited the capital twice in December and was received by President Tomislav Nikolic and Prime Minister Aleksandar Vucic.

At the time, Seagal said he would do “everything possible to promote Serbia” worldwide and expressed a wish to establish an Aikido school in the capital city, according to a government statement.

Has Steven Seagal proved you can be a Buddhist and a mascot for the arms trade?

During one visit, Seagal was asked to train Serbian special police forces in Aikido, a Japanese martial art that he has displayed in his blockbuster movies.

His visits were sponsored by a pro-Russian Serb group.

A friend of Russian president Vladimir Putin, Seagal has in the past promoted sports for Russian schoolchildren and said he would not rule out eventually seeking Russian citizenship.

Serbia has officially sought EU membership but has been struggling to overcome strong opposition from pro-Kremlin nationalists.

That's gotta be a first. Citizenship to open a dojo.

[GeneChing]

...or at least a good reality show?

Ukraine bans Steven Seagal as threat to national security
Security service says it has forbidden Seagal entry into country for five years, after actor received Russian citizenship


Vladimir Putin presenting Steven Seagal with a Russian passport. Photograph: TASS / Barcroft Images

Alec Luhn in Moscow
Friday 5 May 2017 15.07 EDT Last modified on Friday 5 May 2017 18.55 EDT

Ukraine has banned American action movie star Steven Seagal as a national security threat, making him the latest of several cultural figures to be blacklisted.

The Ukrainian security service said it had forbidden Seagal entry to the country for five years, in a letter published by the news site Apostrophe. The service’s press secretary later confirmed the ban to other media.

The letter said such a decision is made when a person has “committed socially dangerous actions … that contradict the interests of maintaining Ukraine’s security”. The move comes after the actor received citizenship in Russia, which has backed separatists in a simmering conflict in eastern Ukraine. President Vladimir Putin handed Seagal a Russian passport and told him he hoped their “personal relationship will remain and continue” during a meeting in the Kremlin last year.

Ukraine previously banned Russia’s entry to the Eurovision song contest that Kiev is hosting next week.

Seagal, the star of the 1992 hit Under Siege as well as straight-to-video films such as Kill Switch, Out for a Kill and Driven to Kill, has had a long love affair with the former Soviet Union. He has eaten carrots with “Europe’s last dictator” Alexander Lukashenko in Belarus, ridden a horse in a suit of armour at the Nomad Games in Kyrgyzstan and taken part in a traditional dance while visiting Chechnya strongman Ramzan Kadyrov.

But Seagal’s outspoken support for Putin and his policies have earned the enmity of the Ukrainian authorities. The actor called Russia’s 2014 annexation of Crimea from Ukraine “very reasonable”. He later played with his blues band at a concert in Crimea put on by a pro-Putin biker club, with the flag of eastern Ukraine separatists flying onstage.

In 2015, Seagal was included in a proposed blacklist of foreign cultural figures who “speak out in support of violating the territorial integrity and sovereignty of Ukraine” along with French actor Gérard Depardieu and many Russian artists. Ukraine later banned Depardieu and has also blacklisted more than 100 Russian films.

The cultural war with Moscow continued this year when Kiev banned Russia’s Eurovision entrant, Yulia Samoilova, for performing in Crimea in 2015. Samoilova plans to give another concert in Crimea when the contest is held in Kiev on 13 May.

Ukraine earned the right to host the competition when its 2016 entrant, Jamala, won with a song about Joseph Stalin’s deportation of the Crimean Tatars, which was also interpreted as a commentary on the 2014 annexation.

[GeneChing]

Gotta hand it to Looper.com. I seldom click through all the pages when they are divided up so, but this piece had me captivated.

Whatever happened to Steven Seagal?


Getty Images
Brian Boone @brianbooone
The savviest movie stars give the people what they want. And in the late '80s, the people wanted action movies in which drug dealers and international criminals got kicked and punched and shot at by a sort-of-mystical, stone-faced martial arts expert with a ponytail—in other words, Steven Seagal. He ruled the box office for years with huge hits like Hard to Kill, Above the Law, and Under Siege, but tastes change, and eventually, Seagal faded from movie star prominence. Here's a look at what he's been up to since receding from the spotlight.

He still makes movies. Lots of movies



Seagal's contract with Warner Bros. ended with the release of the environmentally-themed thriller Fire Down Below in 1997. He still makes action movies, and he still puts them out at a rapid clip. Since 1998, however, most (but not all) have gone directly to DVD and/or streaming services. Among those projects: The Patriot, Exit Wounds, Half Past Dead, Out for a Kill, Into the Sun, Submerged, Black Dawn, Attack Force, Urban Justice, Kill Switch, Code of Honor, and Driven to Kill. In all, Seagal has churned out more than 30 movies in less than 20 years.

In 2016 alone, he starred in a whopping seven non-theatrically-released (or barely theatrical-released) films: Contract to Kill, End of a Gun, Code of Honor, Sniper: Special Ops, The Asian Connection, Cartels, and The Perfect Weapon.

He had a reality show



Starting in the late '80s, Seagal took a side job as a police consultant in Jefferson Parish, Louisiana. Sheriff Harry Lee, a big Seagal fan, had asked the action star to train his force in martial arts and marksmanship, and he did it for so long that Lee eventually enlisted Seagal as a reserve deputy. In 2009, Seagal's side gig became the basis for a reality show on A&E called Steven Seagal: Lawman. It was similar to Cops in that a film crew tagged along while police officers investigated local crimes as they happened—yet different, in that Steven Seagal was there, usually hanging out in the police car observing the cops from a safe distance.

Sadly, Seagal reportedly resigned from the force after he found himself the subject of an internal affairs investigation that, according to the Phoenix New Times, sought to uncover the truth about "allegations of sex trafficking and sexual assault." Gross.

He also starred in a TV cop show



Seagal took his crime-fighting, butt-kicking cop act to TV with his 2011 action series True Justice, which he created and starred in as Eljah Kane, head of an elite undercover Seattle task force. (The show was actually taped in Vancouver, Canada.) True Justice first aired in Spain on a cable channel called Nitro before showing up on the American movie network Reelz, which renewed the show and funded a second season. True Justice ran for a total of 26 episodes.

He's an entrepreneur with widely varying business interests



Many celebrities have their own vanity wines—including Seagal, sort of. He owns an estate in California's Santa Ynez Valley, where 200 acres are set aside to grow Cabernet grapes that he then sells to other wineries. From 1999 to 2007, he also owned a 995-acre lavender farm in northern California where he grew the raw materials for Diamond Lotus Essentials, a line of "therapeutic oils." And in 2005, Seagal's company Steven Seagal Products launched Steven Seagal's Lightning Bolt, a line of canned energy drinks which was proudly marketed as the first of its kind to contain "Tibetan Goji Berries" and "Asian Cordyceps." Flavors include Cherry Charge, Root Beer Rush, and Asian Experience.

He even teamed up with a Cold Steel, a California knife manufacturer, to create the "Steven Seagal Series" of knives and swords. A katana sword with sheath costs a mere $1099.99, while a shorter "Steven Seagal Helmet Breaker" runs just $499.999.

He's had some romantic ups and downs



Seagal has been married four times. His third and most prominent marriage was with another nostalgic icon, model and actress Kelly LeBrock, most famous for being the dream woman created by teen scientists in Weird Science (and for saying "don't hate me because I'm beautiful" in a long-running series of Pantene commercials). Seagal and LeBrock divorced in 1996—he reportedly had an affair with their nanny, and she got pregnant. In 2009, he married his personal assistant, Erdenetuya Batsukh.

He's been sued for sexual harassment


Getty Images

In 2010, another of Seagal's former personal assistants, Kayden Nguyen, sued Seagal for $1 million, alleging he sexually harassed and abused her. Those allegations were corroborated by two other female ex-employees who alleged similar treatment by the actor, but the suit was dropped later in the year.

He's missed some big comeback opportunities



Seagal is reportedly good friends with fellow martial arts movie star Jackie Chan. They're so tight that while Chan's Rush Hour 3 was entering production in 2007, Chan is rumored to have suggested that Seagal play the film's villain. He didn't end up in the role, and the script was rewritten to accommodate Japanese actor Hiroyuki Sanada.

Sylvester Stallone's 2010 hit The Expendables showed that there was still a big audience out there for '80s-style action movies, as well as '80s-style action heroes. Among the cast of the Expendables series: Stallone himself, Dolph Lundgren, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Mickey Rourke, Chuck Norris, and Jean-Claude Van Damme. Conspicuously absent from that list: Steven Seagal. Stallone reportedly offered Seagal a spot in the ensemble, but he turned it down. The reason: Seagal hates one of the movie's producers, Avi Lerner, with whom he worked on several of his direct-to-video features.

He's a citizen of the world


Getty Images

Seagal lives a very full life outside of making movies and hanging out with cops. He also spends a lot of time traveling around the world to visit his friends who live far away. Incongruously, two of his best friends are Buddhist spiritual leader the Dalai Lama…and Russian president Vladimir Putin. In addition, Seagal gained citizenship in Serbia in January 2016 when he offered to set up a martial arts studio there. He probably wouldn't be able to live in Serbia, however, if he followed through on his plans to someday run for governor of Arizona.

His movies have 0 percent on Rotten Tomatoes



Two Seagal films—The Foreigner and Contract to Kill—earned the not-so-prestigious score of 0 percent on Rotten Tomatoes—which means that not a single critic that saw either film liked them. Regarding The Foreigner, Scott Weinberg of eFilmCritic called the film "so bad that it makes Seagal's other films look like the combined efforts of Frank Capra and Billy Wilder." As for Contract to Kill, Ignatiy Vishnevetsky of The AV Club wrote that Seagal "gives the kind of performance traditionally associated with stars who died during filming. And yet, Seagal is in almost every scene."

As for the rest of Seagal's recent, direct-to-home video filmography? Those movies haven't even been seen by enough people to be rated yet (a whopping 37 of his movies since 2001 are listed as "No Score Yet"), while 2002's Half Past Dead only managed to eke out a 3 percent. In fact, you can count on one hand the number of "Certified Fresh" movies he has, despite his incredibly long filmography—ouch!

continued next post

[GeneChing]

A puppy? Aw man.

If only it was this guy's puppy.

He got sued for killing a puppy


Getty Images

Seagal was sued again, this time for his part of a police operation filmed (but never aired) for Steven Seagal: Lawman. In 2011, Seagal drove a SWAT tank used to raid the home of Jesus Llovera, an Arizona man suspected of holding cockfights. Llovera sued for $100,000 in damages; he also wanted Seagal to write a letter to his kids to apologize for killing their puppy in the melee. Llovera ultimately pled guilty to the cockfighting charges. After a change of attorney and a failure to submit paperwork, a judge dismissed the lawsuit against Seagal.

He's not welcome in Estonia or the Ukraine


Getty Images

Seagal's bromance with Putin has earned the star some enemies. When he told a Russian state-run newspaper that he considers Putin "one of the great living world leaders" and that he thinks of him like a brother, he also came out in support of Putin's controversial intervention in Crimea.

That got him dropped from a gig performing at a blues festival in Estonia. After Putin personally granted Seagal a Russian passport in 2016, the actor was banned from entering the Ukraine, another former Soviet republic. Officials said that Seagal had "committed socially dangerous actions," which "contradict the interests of maintaining Ukraine's security."

He's a Trump supporter


Getty Images

If you thought Seagal's admiration of Putin was weird, it may not seem quite as strange in the context that he's also a Donald Trump supporter.

It might seem surprising that the same man who starred in and directed the environmentally conscious On Deadly Ground, where he battles an oil tycoon and notorious polluter, and starred in Fire Down Below, where he took on baddies dumping toxic waste, would support a president who doesn't believe in global warming, but does anything about Steven Seagal surprise you anymore?

On the night of President Trump's inauguration, Seagal took to Twitter to congratulate the new leader of the free world, saying, "Congratulations to President Donald Trump! Wonderful speech! So grateful & proud to finally have a president 4 the People!" Then again, maybe it's actually Melania that he's a fan of, considering a December 2015 post on his official Facebook where he shared, "If Donald Trump becomes president, she will be the First Lady."

He's revisiting the films that made him famous


Getty Images

Seagal is moving forward in his career by reaching into the past. Under Siege and Under Siege 2 are among Seagal's biggest hits, and a film to complete the trilogy is in the works. In October 2016, Seagal took to his official Twitter account to announce that former Navy SEAL Woodie Mister was hard at work on the Under Siege 3 screenplay adding, "It's time." Mister is a producer on another Seagal project in development: Above the Law 2, a sequel to Seagal's debut film from 1988.

He starred in a curious Russian martial arts viral video



Seagal is no longer the athletic martial arts master of Under Siege or Above the Law. So maybe he's put on some weight and moves a little slower—but that's going to happen to most any guy who's in his mid-sixties. That's why some were a little skeptical of a viral video of Seagal demonstrating the martial art of aikido at the 2015 International Youth Sambo Tournament, held in the Russian city of Saratov.

Seagal takes on two faster, younger combatants and effortlessly flips and tosses them, all while barely moving around. When cornered by TMZ, Seagal laughed off accusations that the fighting in the viral video was fake.

"I've been doing martial arts all my life, how could it be fake?" Seagal argued. After the TMZ reporter suggested that the guys up against Seagal flopped a little too hard, Seagal explained that, "when you're about to break someone's arm or wrist, usually they like to go with it so it doesn't snap."

His daughter is a model


Getty Images

While this isn't really about what Seagal's been up to recently, fans of the the actor might be interested to learn what the rest of his family has been up to as a little bonus.

After Kelly LeBrock divorced Seagal, she purposely left Hollywood to "raise my babies away from the limelight," she told Closer Weekly. One of those babies was her daughter with Seagal, Arissa LeBrock. The younger LeBrock is now 24-years-old and back in the limelight, as a model for clothing lines such as Mac Duggal and Ashley Stewart. She told the New York Post that while she's following in her mother's modeling footsteps, she "ended up looking like a Seagal: strong and built."

Read More: http://www.looper.com/22997/whatever..._campaign=clip

[GeneChing]

Why the **** are we still listening to Steven Seagal?

Sean O'Neal
Today 11:05am



In a charitable attempt to put Piers Morgan’s commentary in perspective, today’s Good Morning Britain welcomed straight-to-DVD human Steven Seagal, looking to get some expert thoughts on the controversy surrounding the ongoing protests in the NFL from a man shaped like a football. The goatee-smudged Seagal—who these days actually looks more like Jim Belushi trying to “lay low” in China—appeared in his now-standard uniform of Mandarin-style shirt, dangerously overtaxed glasses, and hair dipped in souvenir oil from On Deadly Ground, where he set about decrying various things as un-American in front of the Moscow skyline the Russian citizen now calls home. It was more unflinching, uncompromising tough talk from the guy who sometimes gets paid to deliver it to some Bulgarian extra, and it all raised some important questions. Namely, why the **** are we listening to Steven Seagal again?



“I believe in free speech, I believe that everyone’s entitled to their own opinion, but I don’t agree that they should hold the United States of America or the world hostage by taking a venue where people are tuning in to watch a football game and imposing their political views,” Seagal imposed his political view of this, the worst hostage situation since that one he stopped on a boat or whatever in 1992, which somehow sentenced us to 25 years of geopolitical analysis from a guy who has lied about working for the CIA and fighting the Yakuza, proclaimed himself one of the world’s “foremost experts on swords” and a reincarnated 17th-century Tibetan monk, and—and we simply cannot state this enough—obviously, obviously wrote his own IMDB bio.



The warrior for free speech, BUT... continued: “I think it’s outrageous, I think it’s a joke, it’s disgusting. I respect the American flag. I myself have risked my life countless times for the American flag and I don’t understand or agree with this kind of behavior. I think it’s an outrage,” added Seagal, presumably referring to the many other times he put his life on the line against America’s enemies, which have, indeed, numbered in the dozens, according to your father-in-law’s DVD collection. Or maybe Seagal is talking about his work as a reserve deputy sheriff on his reality show, Steven Seagal: Lawman, where he proudly served alongside Joe Arpaio in protecting the American flag from Mexicans and puppies. How dare these NFL players protesting police brutality take a knee, when Steven Seagal worked side by side with some of the worst perpetrators of that police brutality to bolster his own massive, America-sized ego?

Regardless, the man who has for years courted Vladimir Putin with the same romantic tenacity that’s seen him slapped with several sexual harassment allegations, wheedled his way into becoming the off-putting face of Russia’s weapons industry, and, finally, been granted Russian citizenship after “asking quite insistently and over a lengthy period”—that Steven Seagal, the one who up and decamped the U.S. for Russia like the productions of so many of his ****ty movies, he still has thoughts about what does and doesn’t constitute American patriotism, and somehow we are still indulgently listening to them, like a prostitute trapped inside Seagal’s dojo while he dicks around on blues guitar.

To Piers Morgan’s base-level credit, after Seagal rambled on about the “ton of enemies within,” and “leftover Obama-ites,” and other assorted people with “this other agenda” attempting to overthrow American democracy, Morgan asked Seagal how he could square those red-blooded patriotic views with his loyalty to Putin. Especially with regards to Russian interference in the 2016 election, and especially while Seagal sat there in Moscow looking like the poorly rendered villain from a Tom Clancy CD-ROM shooter.

“Let’s be really honest, Piers,” Seagal said, rubbing his nose with patriotic fervor. “Every country is involved in espionage… However, for anyone to think that Vlad-ee-meer Poo-tin had, uhhhhh, anything to do with fixing the elections or even that the Russians had that kind of technology is, uh, uh, stupid. And uh, we have a situation where really all of this is happening from, in my opinion, astronomical propaganda, and this kind of propaganda is really a diversion from, you know, creating a diversion so that the people of the United States of America won’t really see what’s happening.”

Speaking of cheap political diversions from the sad reality of things, the interview wrapped up with Morgan asking about Seagal’s latest movie, about which even Seagal himself seemed caught off guard that anyone would actually be interested. It’s called Attrition, by the by, it stars Seagal as a guy named “Axe” who’s out to rescue a “Thai girl with mythical powers,” and Steven Seagal is a viable voice opining on the most important matters of the day. Life continues to be a sickbed basic-cable fever dream.

There are some hilarious internet trolls all over Seagal now.

[GeneChing]

[Jimbo]

While I agree in principle with Colbert's spoofing of Trump and Seagal, I've NEVER found Colbert himself to be funny. AT ALL. Trump and Seagal do a much better job, however unintentionally, of spoofing themselves.

For example, this would have been hilarious (and a lot funnier than Colbert) if the situation weren't so horrific and so many people weren't suffering. Instead, it's just another sign of Trump's pathetic (and apathetic) cluelessness:

[GeneChing]

George Foreman ‏Verified account
@GeorgeForeman
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Steven Seagal, I challenge you One on one, I use boxing you can use whatever. 10 rounds in Vegas



12:10 PM - 2 Oct 2017
16,601 Retweets 39,499 Likes

Things just got real. Foreman's gonna grill Seagal's ass.

For example, this would have been hilarious (and a lot funnier than Colbert) if the situation weren't so horrific and so many people weren't suffering.

I feel ya, Jimbo. But I've been finding some comfort in the late night comedians, finding humor in such times. When we lose to comedians, then we will have truly lost our freedom.

[Jimbo]

Gene:

I agree that comedy is essential in these times. I've just never found Colbert to be even remotely funny. I like comedians who are funny and can actually do decent impressions of the people they're mimicking.