YOUR KUNG FU IS WEAK
Friday, September 9, 2016 | BY: DUNCAN POUPARD
It seems like everyone in China has read—or seen the televised adaptation of—at least one martial arts novel. The undisputed king of the wuxia (武侠), sometimes translated as “heroic chivalry,” but it really just means kung fu literary genre is Jin Yong, aka Louis Cha, whose tales of noble heroes, beautiful heroines and not a little derring-do read like a modern Chinese take on the Arthurian legends. Only with more flying headbutts.
Characters in these books, and to some extent the films and TV shows that they inspired, all speak in their own distinctive patois. Parts of this lingo can, and do, crop up on occasion in modern-day situations as diverse as formal dinners, company meetings or even chatting on QQ , so it’s useful to have some knowledge of it if you want to really impress your friends and colleagues.
Though wuxia novels were popularized in the twentieth century, they’re mostly all set in ancient China during a vaguely Medieval period. As a result, this kung fu language can often come across as stilted and old-fashioned (think of “thee” and “thou” in English).
As such, opinion is divided among Chinese people about how appropriate this language is in everyday use. “Just like someone walking around shouting ‘who art thou’ would raise eyebrows in the West, in China you definitely need to use this language in an ironic, jokey way—and certainly not with a straight face,” says Queenie Li. But George Yang admits to using kung fu language frequently with male colleagues at work. “It’s good office banter,” he says. Perhaps it’s just a man thing, then?
A major tenet of the martial arts code is that of being chivalrous; helping the needy with one’s kung fu skills. Hence the phrase, “upon seeing injustice on the road, draw one’s sword and come to the rescue” (路见不平，拔刀相助 Lù jiàn bùpíng, bádāo xiāngzhù). In keeping with this, most of the language is formal and should be spoken with the authority that comes with the knowledge that you are a human death machine. (It helps if you have a wispy Chinese beard to twirl whilst speaking, as well.)
TWO TIGERS CANNOT SHARE ONE MOUNTAIN.
Yī shān bù róng èr hǔ.
一山不容二虎。
– FROM THE MOVIE ” THE FORBIDDEN KINGDOM” (功夫之王)
REMEMBER—A MARTIAL ARTS STUDENT SHOULD NEVER SWAGGER.
Jìzhù, xué wǔ zhī rén zuì jì zhaoyáo.
记住，学武之人最忌招摇。
– FROM THE MOVIE “THE LEGEND OF THE CONDOR HEROES” (射雕英雄传)
INTRODUCTIONS!
Just like in real life, first impressions are important in the martial arts world. Just don’t do this at an all important business meeting: it’ll be laughed off, but your counterparts may think you’re not treating the situation with the gravity that it deserves.
Which school (of martial arts) do you belong to?
[Where are you from, and what do you do?]
Géxià shì nǎ mén nǎ pài de?
阁下是哪门哪派的?
May I humbly ask your great name?
[Could you tell me your name?]
Qǐng wèn géxià zūn xìng dà míng?
请问阁下尊姓大名？
When introducing oneself, it is usual to use the first person singular, zaixia (在下), literally “below,” which is a way of showing one’s humility. Others should be referred to as gexia (阁下), literally “I address you from below your mansion,” something akin to “milord/ milady.” When first encountering one another, a pair of kung fu practitioners might greet each other with the following:
A: I am A, may I be so bold as to learn your great name?
Zàixià A, gǎn wèn géxià gāo xìng dà míng?
A: 在下A，敢问阁下高姓大名?
B: I am known as B.
Zàixià B.
B: 在下B。
A: Aha! Brother B, good to make your acquaintance!
O! Yuánlái B xiōng, jiǔyǎng jiǔyǎng!
A: 哦! 原来B兄, 久仰久仰!
VERY GOOD—YOU NEVER TRULY HAD A CHANCE TO WIN.
Búcuò, nǐ díquè yóngyuǎn méiyǒu shèng de jīhuì le.
不错，你的确永远没有胜的机会了。
– FROM THE MOVIE “CHU LIU XIANG” (楚留香)
TALKING ABOUT KUNG FU…
In kung fu novels, characters are constantly judging each other based on their respective martial arts prowess, and they’re certainly not afraid to brag. Nowadays, kung fu (功夫 gōngfu) doesn’t necessarily refer to one’s martial arts ability; it can simply mean performing any particular skill, from using spreadsheet software, driving a motorcycle, barganing to cooking pasta, and so these phrases can be used to talk about any kind of performance. If someone drops a pen and catches it before it hits the floor, why not praise their kung fu?
I’d never have thought that your kung fu would be so amazing.
[Impressive!]
Méixiǎngdào nǐ de gōngfu rúcǐ liǎodé.
没想到你的功夫如此了得。
Your kung fu isn’t bad; you probably count as one of the best martial artists around.
[You’re very good at what you do.]
Nǐ de gōngfu búchà, yīnggāi yě suànshì dāngjīn wǔlín zhōng de gāoshǒu le.
你的功夫不差，应该也算是当今武林中的高手了。
Your kung fu hasn’t improved over the past few years; in fact it’s gotten worse.
[You’ve gone rusty.]
Kànlái zhèxiē nián nǐ de gōngfu bújìn fǎn tuì le.
看来这些年你的功夫不进反退 了。
You are a great master with astounding martial prowess of which I am very much in awe, and I may require your skills in the future.
[I sure could use your abilities.]
Dàshī wǔyì gāoqiáng, zàixià pèifú de jǐn, rìhòu hái yǒu jièzhòng zhī chù.
大师武艺高强，在下佩服得紧， 日后还有借重之处。
All this flattery can be rebuffed with a simple: I dare not accept such praise.
[You flatter me.]
不敢。
(Bùgǎn.)
DON’T THINK THAT BECAUSE YOU ARE HANDSOME I WON’T HIT YOU.
Bié yǐwéi nǐ zhǎng de shuài wǒ jiù bù dǎ nǐ.
别以为你长得帅我就不打你。
– FROM THE MOVIE “KUNG FU” (功夫)
TODAY IS NOT THE DAY YOU DIE, IT’S THE DAY I LIVE.
Jīnrì bú shì nǐ sǐ, jiù shì wǒ huó.
今日不是你死，就是我活。
– FROM THE MOVIE “THE SENTIMENTAL SWORDSMAN” (多情剑客无情剑)
IN COMPETITION…
Most kung fu-speak can be most appropriately put to use when two or more people are competing against one another, be it in a high-stakes game of ping pong or just tiddlywinks on an empty office desk.
Fighting with our fists, we are evenly matched; let’s see who’s better with the naked blade.
[Let’s try a different game.]
Zánmen quánjiǎo nánfēn gāoxià, bīngrèn shàng zài jué shēngsǐ.
咱们拳脚难分高下，兵刃上再决生死。
Your kung fu is exceptional, and I bow to your superiority.
[I admit it, you’re better than me.]
Géxià de gōngfu fēi tóng yī bān, zàixià gān bài xià fēng.
阁下的功夫非同一般，在下甘拜下风。
EATING HUMBLE PIE…
Despite the braggadocio inherent in most kung fu-speak, one must always show humility in defeat. Being a sore loser is a big no-no.
I believed myself to have no equal; who’d have thought that there would be someone even more heroic than I?
[I thought I was good, but you’re even better.]
Wǒ zìfù yīngxióng wúdí, qǐ zhī tiān wài yǒu tiān, rén shàng yǒu rén.
我自负英雄无敌，岂知天外有天，人上有人。
I humbly admire your amazing skills. I will compete with you again after a decade has passed!
[You’re too good for me. We’ll play again when I’ve had more practice.]
Zhuāngshì wǔgōng jīng rén, zàixià jí shì pèifú, shí nián zhī hòu, zài lái lǐngjiào!
壮士武功惊人，在下极是佩服，十 年之后，再来领教!
SAYING YOUR GOODBYES
Tired of the usual “zaijian” and “bye bye”? Why not bid adieu in consummate kung fu style:
As the mountains do not move and the rivers keep on flowing, we will meet again!
[See ya!]
Qīngshān búgǎi, lǜshuǐ chángliú, zánmen hòu huì yǒu qī!
青山不改，绿水长流，咱们后会有期！
While this kind of language doesn’t conform to the everyday usage that you find in textbooks, or even out and about in the streets, throwing a few kung fu-isms into your speech—if used properly—can really show a familiarity with local culture that many learners of Chinese can only dream about.
IF I, QIAOFENG, WANT TO LEAVE, WHO AMONG YOU CAN STOP ME?!
Wǒ Qiáo Fēng yào zǒu, nǐmen shéi rén néng lán!
我乔峰要走，你们谁人能拦！
– FROM THE MOVIE “DEMIGODS” (天龙八部)
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