New studies conducted at Rolls-Ralek University indicate that good old-fashioned American Arm Wrestling may be a far superior fighting art to that of the ancient Chinese martial science of Kung Fu.
In 3000 out of 3000 scientifically controlled Arm Wrestling matches 57 of China's greatest Kung Fu exponents representing 33 of the art's most deadly styles were soundly trounced by the Teamsters Union local 356 of Patterson, New Jersey last Friday at the City Hall 75th annual potluck dinner.
Jack Parr, koke oven supervisor, was quoted as saying, "Kung Fu just doesn't have the grappling technique necessary to compete with the devastating power of a well executed "grab a guy by the hand and push his hand down onto the table" power push.
The coach for the Chinese team was quoted as saying, "Oh no! This really very no good. Against this "grab a guy by the hand and push his hand down onto the table really, really hard, we no can defense."
Several of the Chinese athletes were rushed to a nearby New Jersey hospital immediately following the tournament for treatment of pulled tendons.
The Captain of the Chinese team had this to say:
"Union worker's hands too fat to apply Dim Mak." Real strength of American team lie in 'cheeseburger'. Against double whopper with fries, Kung Fu cannot."
And so, sadly, on a smog filled day in Jersey, two thousand years of Chinese culture is laid to waste, relagated to the obsolescense of a modern-day, high calorie Western World.
Hardees will be opening its first oversees branch in Beijing this fall.
More news to come...
"Bruce Leroy. That's who!"
[This message was edited by Bruce Leroy on 10-02-01 at 04:32 PM.]
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