Sometimes i would like to kick the skid marks out of people but............

[Wong Fei Hong]

im embarrassed or maybe i dont want people not to like me after wards (like in the big hit lol) . Wtf is wrong with me.
You know in general im a really really nice guy, and i take a lot of crap but sometimes i take crap and i dont know why, i was talking about this with a mate last night, and he said that he did a job for someone, didnt get paid, he wanted to start ****ing shouting his ass off at him and get medieval,
But because the guy is related to him, and because he didnt want to make a scene he didnt do anything and feels like a pr1ck now because he got stiffed, now i know this guy when he was a kid his parents always used to tell him dont make a scene be quiet etc etc. Consequently he has such a temper he could beat someone to death on the street but he couldnt talk to this guy quietly.

I think i suffer from this too, cause ive been semi treated like this before and i didnt standup for what i wanted, not wanted to make a scene or maybe telling myself its not important. When in reality the guy who ****ed me over should be the guy getting embarassed of having nerve to be like that.

Now on the other hand if someone annoys me on the road i get a wild fit of road rage and i start swearing so hard i could beat the guy to a pulp. Obviously not if the guy understands he made a mistake and apologises.

Why the hell am i like that, i would rather not be road rage influenced or get ****ed so easily, and be calm with things like that , that dont matter, but be able to have a firm word with someone when i need to instead of immediately turning into a raving loon, its like i only have 2 modes.
Like last time one of my gf friends , was talking to me sayign that she should be more important to my gf than i am, even though she has known her for 1/10 of the time, and i just said to her the full **** you who the **** do you think you are. In retrospect i was like omg ! I cant believe for something so small i got so vexed.

Btw i get angry about 1nce ever 1-3 months so its not a common thing, im not mentally unstable ok well maybe a little but thats to do with me not with the way i behave to wards ppl :P

Your thoughts views and if you are like this too would be appreciated

[Chief Fox]

You have anger issues.

How do I know? Because I have them too. I read a book titled Beyond Anger http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/156...books&v=glance

It'a great book and will lead you to some insights as to why you get angry and how to control it.

In a nutshell, anger is an irrational thought process. Something happens where you feel like someone has disrespected you. You take it personally and the irrational thought process begins. Eventually you blow up in a fit of anger.

The book teaches you to recognise this process before you get to the blow up point so you can turn it around.

Anger can ruin your life. It can make the people that you care about be afraid of you.

Also, it couldn't hurt to talk to a professional about this stuff. But I would read the book first.

There are a lot of people out there who feel the same way you do. Don't feel bad, or stupid or alone.

Hope this helps.

[Wong Fei Hong]

Hey cool answer thanks, i agree with what you wrote. I dont find i have so much anger issues more like i have pent up issues that maybe get vented out in a form of anger.
But what i cant get my head around is why is it that i take so much offense to a spur of the moment "incident" whereas when someone really really has ****ed me over and meant it,or someone who intentionaly badmouths me, without reason, i take it lightly.

[GunnedDownAtrocity]

my knuckles are grotesquely large and i have an embarrassing list of things i have replaced around the house due to anger. big things.

i have always had pretty severe anger issues. i have just managed to get it under control in the past 3 or 4 years. i still hit things sometimes, but i've at least learned to hit things that don't break ..... counter top, top of computer desk instead of the computer, metal cabinets, refrigerator, floor ....

its ridiculous and childish, yet stopping myself in the heat of the moment is one of the most difficult things i do. it never seems to get easier but over time you start getting used to how hard it is if that makes any sense.

there have been a lot of small things that have helped, but one of the ones i seem to use frequently is looking ahead 10 mins. trying to really think about how im going to feel about what im about to do in just 10 minutes. usually that brings me down just a notch which is enough. sometimes ill also think about the money or work involved in fixing/replacing what im about to hit. this might sound weird but imagining adora is behind me even if she's not in the house simmers me down too. actually if it wasn't for adora i doubt i would have ever bothered coming as far as i have. it's a habit i started at a very young age that has been harder to kick than smoking. it might sound retarded to a lot of you, but i have come a really really long way without drugs and in a way im proud of myself.

i have read many books on mediation and the like that have helped and i think ill put in an order for cheif's Beyond Anger today.

[David Jamieson]

anger leads to hate and hate leads to the dark side and the dark side leads to doobies and doobies lead to twinkies.

If you don't want to gain weight, don't be angry.

moral of teh story? My dog eats meat.

[GunnedDownAtrocity]

oh yeah ... the point behind all that rambling ...

things were much worse when i let bosses and the like walk all over me. id be afraid that i could lose my job if i didn't eat their sh it. this carried over in other situations a little as well ... i'd have to be pushed into being assertive with customers and sometimes i'd even let friends get away with more than i should.

im not sure what changed but one day i just said fu ck that ..... any time i caught myself rationalizing why i should let some sh it slide i give em the what for. it's lead to a few appologies, but its also lead to more self respect and a better grip on my anger in general.

occasionally ill still have to remind myself that it's ok spit the sh it someone's trying to feed me back in their face, but it became pretty natural pretty quickly.

[David Jamieson]

gda-

a couple of things

1.people will treat you as you let them treat you.

2.There is nothing wrong with looking out for #1 so long as it is not hurting someone else (barring that they are trying to hurt you)

3.You own who you are, you will always have people who like you and people who dislike you.

4.There's three sides to every story, your side, their side and the truth.

5. There's nothing wrong with not letting people walk all over you. Get up stand up etc etc.

6. We don't need no water, let that mudderfugger burn, burn mudderfugger, burn.

[Wong Fei Hong]

Dude thanks for the reply , that 10 mins ahead thing really makes sense, cause it made me think there is really no point to getting vexed at random ****heads. So that lead me to my next chain of thought and :
Cross referencing what you both said, i think what the problem is that in my head something tells me its wrong to tell someone to **** off when they mess me up politely. Wheras when someone is rude ie cuts me up on the road or makes a sour comment or something like that, then my brains trigger says he is rude **** him up hard.
Kind of like maybe i was told to be polite and its so important and beign polite is like being nice and so now in my subconsious the being polite overrides that they are really scum of the earth that are two faced and instead i think polite = let it slide.
Then i feel i dont stand up for myself and instead i take it out on the next rude guy.

[Mel]

When someone's rude, it's EASY to be rude back. You hear the ****, it registers instantly, you instantly reply. But when someone's being a jerk in a "polite" kind of way, well that's when things get murky. First you say to yourself, "Did he say/do what I think he said/did?" Then, because he's polite, you say to yourself, "Maybe he didn't mean it that way." Then if you decide that he did "sort of" mean it, you say to yourself, "Well maybe I'm making mountains out of mole hills here"--because he's polite, right? Then you start thinking "What if he didn't mean it the 'wrong' way and I'm just flying off the handle for nothing?" Yada, yada, yada.... By this point, your fuse has short-circuited. The indignation is there, but you've lost the impedance. Then it becomes a much more dangerous situation. If you let it out instantly (well, as long as you don't put holes in the wall), it's gone. But if you just have this "situation" hanging around, it eats away at you. You finally do become angry again--but usually at yourself for not having done something sooner!!

[meltdawn]

i've had anger problems for a long time. my doctor said it was from my diet and drinking. i was like "duh", but when he explained it to me, it actually made sense. the organs are associated with emotions (among other things) and the liver is the anger organ (ahem, GDA...lol). mine sure is angry. he tried to get me to stop drinking and do a liver cleanse and start doing juice fasts once in a while to clean out. we compromised and i did the liver cleanse and juicing. dude, it WORKED. now when i go off the regemine, my classmates know it and start begging me to buy carrots and celery. i still have an edge, but i don't kick small children anymore. much.

but seriously, what you put in your body can influence what comes out, even emotions.

[Chief Fox]

There's a lot of good discussion going on here.

I first started to deal with my anger issues about a year ago because basically my wife was afraid to talk to me because she had no idea how I would react. I wouldn't react violently but I would yell ALOT. I also have a knack or gift for saying hurtful things and making people feel stupid.

I bought that book "Beyond Anger" and my wife and I have been going to couseling. I went a talked to a therapist on my own a few times about it and found out a lot about myself.

For the past few months things have been great. I still get angry but it's not like Mt. St. Helens just exploded and I can let things go quicker. I used to get angry and just be p!ssed off all d@mn day. Sometimes for several days.

Another great thing about all of this is my wife talks to me now. She sees that I've been doing better and so do my kids.

My dad was angry all the time. He used to drink a lot and beat me and my brother up a lot. I remember being afraid of him. I don't want my kids to be afraid of me.

Anyway, not really sure where I'm going wit all of this. Just want people to know that anger doesn't have to be a life sentence.

[David Jamieson]

My dad was angry all the time. He used to drink a lot and beat me and my brother up a lot. I remember being afraid of him. I don't want my kids to be afraid of me.

This is the crux of it all and has huge importance to your personal experience in my opinion. It is good that you 'recognize' dude.

[GunnedDownAtrocity]

wow chief ... that was some personal sh it you just let go on an internet forum.

and i must thank you ... it's honestly nice to hear that im not the only one. suzi was/is the same way. although it's funny because as i've gotten better about it she sometimes feels the need to press my buttons further. just because she can. sometimes i feel like i was better off before, but then i try to remember she's just no longer afraid to be a woman (ie stupid bi tch).

but seriously it's awesome to hear im not the only one trudging on through this with a family. it makes me feel like less of a bad person. i mean im still plenty terrible for a host of other reasons, but its always really bothered me that i couldnt controll my temper around my family. adora made it better, but it was still pretty bad.

we just recently we got a really really old roll of film developed (like 5 or 6 years) and there was a picture in there of when i trashed an entire set of kitchen chairs and the table. the pics made it look like a ****ing warzone. my heart dropped about 3 feet (im not very tall) when i saw it. i never even knew the pic was taken. i couldnt believe i used to be like that .... i mean i must have spent a good 10 minutes or close to it doing that ... was ****ing ridiculous. but it also reminded me, and suzi, of how far i have come since then.

[Chief Fox]

This is the crux of it all and has huge importance to your personal experience in my opinion. It is good that you 'recognize' dude.

Oh yes. Basically I was taught to be an angry person. My only example of man was my abusive alcoholic father. Not a very good role model. Don't get me wrong. He's got a good heart and tried his best but I can't even begin to count how may times he drove the whole family home from a get together while totally wasted. It's amazing that we're all still alive.

Anyway, I got away from all of that 12 years ago and have been trying to become my own person ever since. It's not easy when all you have to fall back on is a bad example but I'm making good progress. The internal aspects of Kung Fu training has helped a lot. Reading about and practicing meditation, reading about budhism and taoism have also helped a lot.

[Wong Fei Hong]

Now that people are confessing , over the years ive actually got so violent with my gf that i was physically restraining her as i was going haywire, put a chair through the door broken legs off other chairs, and even straightened the metal leg of the chair whilst in different rages, however those were justifiable times in my life over a period of years, having said that i NEVER hurt or laid a hand on ANYBODY during an anger rage. When i get like that which i havent for 2 years now, i practically howl like an animal. The worst is the person who made me like that would keep on insisting and adding fuel to the fire instead of letting me calm down.
My dad was never like this , however but he was a rea lstreet fighter a la sonny chiba lol in his day and would love to fight at the slightest provocation with people. I think because i stifle this in me it makes me freak out sometimes on the street.
Mel that post really hit the spot its so true you describe the process to a point of precision.
I wish i had it more under control , could stand up for myself at the right time and could fuel my anger into something more controlled at the right time.

I think its also cause when i was young really young i mean at the age most kids fight like girls,maybe 8 or so i got ****ed at a guy my age because he was being unfair at me and gave him a proper full blown hook to the stomach just like i used to train from watching rocky on my own. That kid cried for so long and felt so mentally scarred from it that i made a fool of him, that deep down maybe i dont want to ever do that to anyone again so i got issues with that. I cant believe i just remembered that by the way. I think that had a massive impact on my dealing with anger in later life and also my sparring and fear of hurting people.