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Thread: Help! I've lost my bottle....

  1. #1
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    Help! I've lost my bottle....

    As much as I hate to admit it, I have recently lost my bottle when it comes to sparring. I had 2 months off for a back injury and returned to training about a month ago, and I don't seem to be able to spar without being terrified!
    I kind of feel intimidated sparring against the guys (I'm the only girl in the club)as they are getting much stronger and I don't seem to be. I realise that I need to put in extra training (I currently do 4 sessions per week) and need to start doing some kind of strength training , but just wondered if anyone had any advice that could help me mentally!
    I do seem to suffer from massive fear in all the sports I do, I'm quite good at skiing but too scared to do black runs, and mountain biking I'm too scared to go down rocky downhills!
    Perhaps I need a self help book...

  2. #2
    Hi Su Lin,

    Just accept your fear and don't fight it, but at the same time dont let your fear stop you. Face it as your nerves allow. When you start to become overwhelmed then take a break. By facing your fears you will conquer them. Dont over do it. Start out sparring with smaller or less aggressive partners if you have the choice. Mention your fear to your instructor and ask him to work with you to overcome it.

    With experience and skill your fear will dissapate on its own. Try not to become too preoccupied with the "feeling" of fear, acknowledge it then try to let it go!

    As long as you do not let your fear defeat you, you will prevail over it, that means dont give up or allow it to conquer you. Just refuse to be defeated, this is an act of will! Face your fears in small increments.

    Good Luck!

  3. #3
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    Work on speed and technique, the power will come.
    Speed and technique kill strength and power every time.
    Look at Muhammed Ali vs Sonny Liston 1 and 2 for proof.
    Heck, watch Floyd Mayweather Jr vs Diego Corrales if that's not good enough.

    I imagine your added fear is slowing you down a bit, making you more self conscious of what you're doing.
    You need to build up your confidence slowly first.
    Working on your reflexes should help too- so you can read & control a situation instead of just trying to react & letting it overwhelm you.

    Actual drills:
    footwork drills (if they can't catch you they can't hit you),
    hand eye coordination drills (get your targeting & dexterity back),
    attack-defense drills (to get your reactions & confidence back),
    and practise perfect form when you punch or kick (so perfect form comes out when you spar, perfect form = great power - not muscular strength).
    What would happen if a year-old baby fell from a fourth-floor window onto the head of a burly truck driver, standing on the sidewalk?
    It's practically certain that the truckman would be knocked unconscious. He might die of brain concussion or a broken neck.
    Even an innocent little baby can become a dangerous missile WHEN ITS BODY-WEIGHT IS SET INTO FAST MOTION.
    -Jack Dempsey ch1 pg1 Championship Fighting

  4. #4
    It sounds like a fear of getting hurt that probably goes back to childhood.

    How old are you? The older you get the harder this will be to change. However the only thing I could recommend is to just keep doing it and gain some confidence. That's the only way.

    Of course this covers a broad spectrum from people who are afraid to leave the house for fear of getting hurt to people who have no fear of anything (Many of these people wind up dead).

    You sound a little left of center here. Be thankful that you are not at one of the two extremes. However if you continue to do this and you're absolutely frightened to death and hate it then think about doing something else.......no shame in that.

  5. #5
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    It's only natural that you'll be afraid of things that can cause you injury.

    As you get more into it you'll probably be better, but think about it. Everything you mentioned you can get hurt doing.

    So you basically have to decide, is it worth it possibly injured. Maybe if you toughen yourself up, work on your conditioning, then you won't worry so much about getting hit.

    Although I have no idea how it is for women, so I'm kindof talking out of my back end here.

    Oh, the other thing I was thinking about last night is ...

    Imagine the guys in bunny suits. Soft, fluffy bunny suits ... something non-threatening.

  6. #6
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    Thanks for the advice, some good thoughts there! Yes it's only natural to fear what hurts you . It didnt bother me when i was younger, I regularly fell off horses, went sailing in fast dinghys and rode my bike down ridiculous steps. Now Im older (29 although a lady should never reveal her age!) it's probably just sense stepping in really. I doubt Ill give it up as its too big a part of my life, but I think I'll step up the conditioning and strength training a level. I'm normally quite fast and get them with really quick punches to the stomach or head, as I know Ill never be as strong. Im also going to work on speed in getting in and back out again using my reach more.
    I think the more I do it the less Ill fear it, and yes, I will try imagining the pink bunny suits!

  7. #7
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    Yeah it seems like as people get older they start to realize their mortality.

    When they're younger they think they're invincible.

    When you get older you tend to be more cautious, which isn't necessarily wrong, because all those little gotchas you get when you're younger can start to add up when you're older. Plus you don't heal as fast.

    So play safe ... and don't feel bad, you're just getting wiser is all.

  8. #8
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    Yeah, that is so true. I was just camping at Starved rock. As I hiked, I saw all these crazy climbs I used to do, and I cannot even imagine being dumb enough to try it now. but when I was younger, i didn't think twice about being 50 to 100 feet +, up on slippery sandstone......
    Those that are the most sucessful are also the biggest failures. The difference between them and the rest of the failures is they keep getting up over and over again, until they finally succeed.


    For the Women:

    + = & a

  9. #9
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    what i wanna know is. what does lost my bottle mean?

    thats Britspeak right?

    "better to reside in hell knowing the truth than to be blissfully ignorant in heaven."

    "Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job."- Doug Adams

    I dare you to make less sense!

    "Freeze?! You know if i drop the tooth fairy i'm only gettin' started mother****er!"

    "It's called the American dream because you have to be asleep to believe it." - George Carlin

  10. #10
    Find a Judo school they train sparring very scientifically. Beginners spar with black belts and they kinda play with you,let you throw them and stuff. Then as you get better you get more resistance before you know you are good. The whole time you feel like you are playing. Kung Fu just doesn't train sparring scientifically. Most schools do form for 98% of the time then put on gear and beat the **** out of each other. This type of training will make most people scared.

  11. #11
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    just tote royce gracie around with you on a leash. if anyone threatens you while sparring he'll choke them out. before you know it you'll be beating everyone in the class.

    i dont think he has a career anymore so he should be available.
    where's my beer?

  12. #12
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    Yep, losing your bottle is definitely a Brit thing, although not sure where the term comes from!

    I just think I'm going to possibly not spar against the bigger guys for a while, just until I get back into it . Also going to learn how to get that steely look in my eye and learn to believe in myself a bit more too! I think I think about things too much too! I'll stand at the top of a black run and think about what I'm about to do rather than just getting on and doing it , and tend to analyse things more , which again I suppose is just the getting older thing really.
    I think its a crisis of confidence thing resulting from being off for a while , and should start thinking about what my strengths and achievements are rather than looking at what I can;t do all the time. Measuring myself against other people and what they have achieved rather than what I have achieved myself! Although still looking to improve my weaknesses etc.
    Off to kick the **** out of the punch bag now.....

  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by wiz cool c View Post
    Find a Judo school they train sparring very scientifically. Beginners spar with black belts and they kinda play with you,let you throw them and stuff. Then as you get better you get more resistance before you know you are good. The whole time you feel like you are playing. Kung Fu just doesn't train sparring scientifically. Most schools do form for 98% of the time then put on gear and beat the **** out of each other. This type of training will make most people scared.
    Yeah, don't know why this is. The Japanese training methods seem more mature.

    As for the 'lost my bottle' thing, I always assumed it meant lost your bottle of alcohol, because when people are drunk their inhibitions tend to go down, and they have more 'nerve' (hence all the fights that start in bars). But it could mean something entirely different.
    Last edited by lunghushan; 08-26-2006 at 11:52 AM.

  14. #14
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    Ah, good thinking on the bottle thing Lunghushan!

    Also interesting about the Judo thing, but want to continue with kung fu as love it generally!
    Had a word with my teacher, who is going to keep an eye on things and other people. He has seen people fail gradings in the past as a result of going too hard on opponents who may not be as strong or big as they are.
    I'm going to spar against the guys who don't go as hard- although they don't go easy on me. It's a matter of control Im beginning to realise. THe guys that make me nervous have little control. I'm quite happy sparring against my teacher- he can hit/kick and it doesn't seem to hurt ,as he has amazing control. Whereas the other ,less experienced guys have little control and it can hurt like hell if they catch you .
    Interestingly, I'm doing knife defences at the moment, and realising I can get the knife off someone without using much force at all- working on putting just enough pressure on the joints to make them drop it.Seems to be my "special move" ! That's getting my confidence back which is great.
    Think it'll gradually come back, with a bit of self belief!

  15. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by Su Lin View Post
    I'm going to spar against the guys who don't go as hard- although they don't go easy on me. It's a matter of control Im beginning to realise. THe guys that make me nervous have little control. I'm quite happy sparring against my teacher- he can hit/kick and it doesn't seem to hurt ,as he has amazing control. Whereas the other ,less experienced guys have little control and it can hurt like hell if they catch you .
    Yeah, mid-level people are dangerous because they tend to have enough skills to hurt somebody but lack control. If you can play with the higher level people that should be better for you.

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