Time to get serious

[Pork Chop]

yesterday i was feeling drained after work and went home instead of to the gym.
i cut my hand open on the bags on mon & tues so I didn't see myself doing much bagwork. For my floorwork I was being a punk and didn't want to do it without my iPod. When i went home to get it, I got more and more tired; so I took a nap. I was only out for an hour or so and then I was wide awake. Didn't get back to bed until way later. I need to be getting to sleep much earlier.

I did manage to go jogging last night though for about 30 min.
did cheater pushups in the morning for 50 reps.

i'm doing the cheater pushups because they hit my chest better than full pushups, which tend to just hit my arms and shoulders. Also the ability to do a lot more reps helps me to feel a better overall level of muscle exhaustion - doing more work.

woke up late this morning... i mean real late...
had a headache too... like a super migraine.

[Chief Fox]

Maybe take a few days off to re-charge. Shoot some hoops or go for a hike or something. Get some rest.

[Pork Chop]

just found out that i'm gonna be stuck in a meeting late this afternoon so no ducking out to hit the boxing gym anyway.

my buddy needed to get out of the office at lunch so we hit up a mexican joint. gonna have to pb&j it saturday to make up for it. at least it was cheap- like 8 bux for over a day's worth of food.

if I jog tonite and box saturday morning that's 3 boxing workouts, 3 jogging workouts for the week- nothing to sneer at and definitely something to build upon.

my exhaustion's completely due to not going to bed on time.

next week i have 2 priorities - the oatmeal thing and sleeping on time.
If i take care of those 2 things the rest will fall in place.

btw- the oatmeal thing is partly due to money. i'm taking a serious stab at cutting my expenses. even including a bad day at best buy and a lil too much iTunes love; my expenses have really been nothing compared to the money I was throwing away before.

[Pork Chop]

got distracted last night with phone calls and music stuff until real late- tried to go straight to bed at 1, which was way too late.

woke up this morning and had a killer boxing workout

3 rounds of jump rope
3 rounds of shadow
6 rounds of heavybag
1 round of bob & weave rope (last 30 seconds duckwalk)
1 round of slip bag
2 sets of 15 sledgehammer swings (1 set each side)
20 incline pushups
10 medicine ball walkover pushups
50 crunches
50 bicycles

at the end of that i was pooped.
i dunno if it was the zoloft or the humidity but i had a hard time really exerting myself- got tired kinda quick but still managed to push through it.

lunch today's not going to be good - lot going on today and i had a craving for arby's.

tonite i'm supposed to go learn country western dancing from an old college friend in the area who's supposed to be good. If i got any energy left after that i'm thinking jogging.

[Pork Chop]

went dancing on saturday
didn't get home till ultra late
had a ton of fun and broke a sweat

Sunday i woke up after noon and was completely drained.
polished off a few sodas and some cinna stix so the diet wasn't good.
no jogging. some weird stuff happened- due in part to not takin my medicine - and didn't get to bed til late again.

didn't do the oatmeal thing today

not sure that i'll go to the gym tonite; but would like to at least jog.

[Pork Chop]

Don't ask me what happened monday I'm still not sure.
Been feeling kinda weird lately, hard to explain.
Having a hard time focusing and getting things done.
Not sure if it's a lack of motivation or a lack of patience- like I can't get what I want so I'm just shutting down.

Eventhough I woke up late and my head's been all over the place, I am still going to try to turn it around today.
Did the oatmeal thing for lunch- will have more if i get hungry again.

I don't know that I'll be able to get out of work in time to hit the boxing gym.

Gotta take my cell phone to a cingular store after work to get my phone # changed - tired of getting 4 calls a day from "unknown number", who doesn't believe in leaving messages and hangs up after I say "hello?".
Anybody reading this can email me for the new number.

Now that i think about it- the regular calling has been doing a lot to undermine the work I've done to get back on track. I really don't need it and until I get the thing fixed I think it's going to be a distraction.

I'll do what I can tonite.

*Sorry if this is starting to sound 'whiney' it's really not my intention.*

[Pork Chop]

OK my number's changed so anybody that wants it, email me.
Got a big sense of relief once I changed it.
at this point i figure it's like one of 4 things
- a really dumb telemarketer
- this psycho gal from kentucky that used to call me all the time (probably my only stalker ever)
- a psycho ex/current bf of my friend in houston
- one of a few chicks i've talked with from the 'net.
- my ex-fiancee.

the first 3 are more likely than the 5th but i thought i'd add it for completeness.

have a feeling that this will flush out the person that's been giving me such a rough time. i don't really want to do anything in retribution, just want the peace of mind that this is over and maybe even knowing why.

[Pork Chop]

looks like my paranoia wasn't insanity.
changed my number yesterday and log onto my computer this morning before work to find an instant message from my ex.

dunno how i feel about this.

didn't work out last night- got out of work real late, starving. Went home and ate. Tried to go to bed as early as I could. Still managed to wake up later than I wanted to this morning.

boxing and jogging tonite should make up for it.

man i hate bein such a headcase. lol

[us0kch]

looks like my paranoia wasn't insanity.
changed my number yesterday and log onto my computer this morning before work to find an instant message from my ex.

dunno how i feel about this.

didn't work out last night- got out of work real late, starving. Went home and ate. Tried to go to bed as early as I could. Still managed to wake up later than I wanted to this morning.

boxing and jogging tonite should make up for it.

man i hate bein such a headcase. lol

well, since you proved you're paranoia wasn't insanity, what exactly does your ex want? Or is she tryin to turn you into a headcase??

[Pork Chop]

I really don't know what she wants...
i mean she knew i was going to therapy after all the stuff she pulled, that it was the therapist that told me i wasn't going to be ready talk to her for a long time, and yet she still "prank" called me 4 times a day....
so your headcase comment's probably not far off....
she really doesn't make any sense to me
none of it does

funny, after all I've been through over the past 3 months
stuff like this makes you think about how far (or not far) you've come
as much as the pain's gone I wonder how much I've really moved on

i kinda want to disappear for a while
training's good for that

tomorrow's the 1 year anniversary of the engagement.

i'll send her a single IM to the effect of "your stuff's still here if you want it. come by any time to get it. if not, i'll have to do something with it over christmas holiday. just drop me an email beforehand to let me know when you come."

and leave it at that...

[Pork Chop]

went jogging for an hour and 15 minutes tonite.
ate oatmeal, tuna, and singapore rice noodles today.

on the jog i decided i'm not even going to message her.
after everything she's done, she owes me quite a bit if she even wants to be my friend and frankly I think she's way too selfish to ever take my best interests into consideration.

[Pork Chop]

went to the gym last night.
i was feeling kinda burnt
workout wasn't anything great

2 rounds jump rope
5 rounds of heavybag

on the heavybag I did punches and kicks.
kicks really do take a lot more out of you.
i was pretty dead after that workout.

in the evening i just got a shower and went to bed way too late.
woke up late this morning but it's techincally my day off just gotta put in a few extra hours.

giong to a big chinese, japanese, and korean autumn/harvest moon festival tonite at a park. looking forward to it.

[Pork Chop]

got lost on my way to the get together
eventually found it
but it's 1 am and i drove for over 3 hours tonite
not feeling the jogging
plan is to wake up early for boxing tomorrow morning and then san antonio in the afternoon
we'll see how it goes
been a little tired & sluggish lately but not so sore.

[Pork Chop]

Good workout on saturday - even got some sparring in.
6 rounds of shadow (2 w/weights) - jump rope wasn't working
6 rounds of heavybag
2 rounds of sparring

I gotta stop going out of town.
Went out of town on saturday, came back late sunday.
Had a lot of fun and got some good dvds- kameda brothers boxing & k-1 max 6/2006, but now it's monday and I'm beat down. Was hurting a bit too much Sunday night to go jogging but I couldn't sleep. I'm lucky I got outta bed this morning.

Supposed to go to Houston next weekend. Could have a great time.

The ex is still stalking me. I'm not just being paranoid about this, though I will admit to fighting urges to think that way. I can provide a good amount of evidence to prove it. As much as my imagination tries to run with the idea that she might want to come back, the realist in me points out a much more likely truth- she wants to know I'm doing well for her own conscience and doesn't care how she gets that info. I told her to wait until I got in touch with her, once I was okay, but that's not good enough for her. The little control freak is going to make me okay....or else.

The problem is that this stuff's doing bad thing's to my mental state.

Probably going to have to stop going online for a while.

Workout wise, I have way too many chores that I've been letting slip for too long so I'm going to need to come straight home and if I'm lucky - go jogging real late.

[Pork Chop]

yesterday was still resting up.
bought some more japanese food and started cooking again.
Suprising how many meals i can make for relatively no cash.
Tuna, rice, nori, mayo, and furikake go a really long way.
got a new rice cooker too.
So i guess i did spend too much money, but it's going to really pay off in the long term.
I was supposed to make it to this 30s-group thing yesterday, didn't feel totally comfortable with it considering i'm only 29.
I was happy just to go home, take a nap, cook, and start laundary.

tonite i have something to go to.

i'm hoping to get some jogging in if it's not raining

tomorrow should be back at boxing.