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Thread: Worst Martial Arts Movie Ever!!!!!

  1. #136
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    Li Kao:
    I saw part of The Hitman but was not able to finish watching it...for whatever reason. I do remember the part with the kid, though. Yup, Chuck is hard to take seriously as a trench-coat wearing "bad dude."

    I saw one (might've been mentioned already) called Sidekicks with Joe Piscopo. That was so bad, I actually melted into my theater seat in shame during the scene in the bar where the kid orders a glass of milk; the bartender starts laughing at the kid, then Chuck said, "Make that two glasses of milk."

    Actually, IMO, the only Chuck Norris movie that was pretty well-made was Code of Silence, and that was more because of the director, Andrew Davis, who used to direct some very good, gritty crime movies.

    Jethro:
    The Norris-Wang Tao movie is called Yellow-Faced Tiger, retitled as Slaughter in San Francisco. It was Wang Tao's first movie and Chuck's 4th. Norris's first movie appearance was in The Wrecking Crew, starring Dean Martin and Sharon Tate (who was later killed by the Manson Family), and Joe Lewis and Mike Stone also appeared. Bruce Lee did the choreography. Norris's 2nd was Return of the Dragon, his 3rd was supposedly some unnamed porno movie where he was a karate instructor.

    Righting Wrongs was one of the best Yuen Biao-starring vehicles. The villain is Melvin Wong (of Descendant of Wing Chun). Like I mentioned, it had two different endings supposedly; the one I saw had Rothrock's character dying.

    Oddly enough, The Big Brawl was my introduction to Jackie Chan. When it was released in 1980, I saw it and was actually impressed, because I had never heard of Jackie Chan before that. I hadn't yet seen his Chinese films, and that kind of slapstick kung fu was totally unfamiliar to me then. I'd only seen more serious Shaw movies and some of the very old post-Bruce Lee kung fu movies with nonstop bad fighting in them. It was released together with a re-release of Enter the Dragon.

    I might mention that Conan Lee (actual name, Roy Hutchinson) had made only bad films after Ninja in the Dragon's Den. Besides Gymkata, he was in one American film about time travel where the "big moment" in the film is he dives through a very slow-turning gigantic fan blade. Later he went back to HK and did Aces Go Places 4 in a small role. Even in Ninja, it was Hiroyuki Sanada who stole the show, and it seemed the Chinese audience I saw it with were there mainly to see Sanada, who was already familiar to them through his Japanese films, and not Conan Lee.

  2. #137
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    Oh, another bad Norris movie: The Hero and the Terror. About a giant serial killer hiding out in an old movie theater.

  3. #138
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    Li Kao- I will haveto rent Hitman on a rainy day

    Jimbo-I actually loved Sidekicks though I saw it when I was abotu 10 years old. d don't forget about Conan Lee vs. Gordon Liu in Tiger On Beat. One of my favs, only for the final fight.
    "For someone who's a Shaolin monk, your kung fu's really lousy!"
    "What, you're dead? You die easy!"
    "Hold on now. I said I would forget your doings, but I didn't promise to spare your life. Take his head."
    “I don’t usually smoke this brand, but I’ll do it for you.”
    "When all this is over, Tan Hai Chi, I will kick your head off and put it on my brother's grave!
    "I regard hardships as part of my training. I don't need to relax."

  4. #139
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    Tiger on Beat is one of those films I have never had a chance to see, for some reason. I'll have to check it out. I hear it's directed by Lau Kar-Leung (Liu Chia-Liang).

    How about Shaolin Kids in Hong Kong for another bad movie?

  5. #140
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    I don't want to talk about that movie. Don't ever bring it up again.




    Alright, just got done throwign up after the mention of 2 Shaolin Kids in Hong Kong.






    Get the Hong Kong Legends version of Tiger. Bey Logan has a couple of good comments on Conan Lee you would find very interesting. I could post them if you want, I thnk he only says a few sentences about the matter. I am sure you know what happens in the finale and why it is so great but if yu don't then DON'T GO LOOKING FOR ANY INFO!! You have to see it like I did without knowing anythign going in. Conan Lee was also in Tiger on Beat 2 but I have never seen it. I have tried to get a lot of other people into kung fu movies but I am like 2/70. It is just not that popular. I only show these people the classics like Fist of Legend, Legend of a Fighter, 7 Grandmasters, and Rebellious Reign and most people freaking hate it. I even try showing them certain fights that are insanely good and they rarely can catch on.


    What I am getting at is that the only movie that EVERY SINGLE person has loved is the finale in Tiger on Beat with Conan, Gordon, Chow Yun Fat, and some white guys. Not one of my favorites but very unique and it is a movie that will make sure you always have a rebuttal for someone sayign stupid sh!t abotu Lau KAr Leung. I always put those asses in their place.








    Also, the version I haev is from Zoke movies and it is ripped directly from the HKL version. Don't know if it is a boot but it is super cheap. Also, HKL has had problems with their releases btu the picture and sound on this movie is superb! ALSO, there is a Gordon Liu interview on there which I wish someone could translate for me. It is like 25 minutes long.
    "For someone who's a Shaolin monk, your kung fu's really lousy!"
    "What, you're dead? You die easy!"
    "Hold on now. I said I would forget your doings, but I didn't promise to spare your life. Take his head."
    “I don’t usually smoke this brand, but I’ll do it for you.”
    "When all this is over, Tan Hai Chi, I will kick your head off and put it on my brother's grave!
    "I regard hardships as part of my training. I don't need to relax."

  6. #141
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    Thumbs down secret of the water technique

    has anybody seen this movie released by the wutang clan? weirdest stuff i've ever seen aliens and a plot that doesn't make any sense. truely one of the worst of the worst.
    "you have to give up, you have to realize that one day you will die. until you know that you are useless." -Tyler Durden

  7. #142
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    Jethro:
    Thanks for the info.

    Regarding people hating KF movies, I do believe it could also be a regional thing as well. There are some areas I've gone to where KF movies have a near-cult following. Back when I used to see them in theaters, at the old downtown grindhouses, and then at the 2 Asian theaters that operated here for a few years until the mid-'80s, mostly the only people who I saw watching them were: sailors on leave; young people (teens to 30s) from the inner city; Vietnamese and Chinese immigrants (only in the Asian theaters); gang members; older drunks/potheads sleeping in the aisles. You also had your share of nutcases. Those places were always old, stinky, gunky, and WAY off the beaten track. They were also almost always crowded and very rowdy. Fights sometimes broke out in the aisles. It was definitely not the type of cinema that "mainstream America" would be caught watching. They're still a sort of "guilty pleasure" type of genre.

    To be honest, these days I doubt very many Asian-Americans care about KF movies at all. Back in the mid-to-late '90s, some KF movies (specifically, Jackie Chan and Jet Li) and Chow Yun-Fat movies became kind of an "in thing" in art-house theaters. By that time, the audiences I sat with were mostly 20-to40-ish typical middle-class types who frequent alternative cinema. It was no longer the gritty inner-city environment.

    I assume different areas of the country vary as well. Therefore, I rarely try to recommend or show non-martial arts friends any MA films. Most will hate it, but some have loved it. I do think most fans of the old Shaw Brothers and other really old-school stuff tend to be middle-aged; just like most fans of '70s popular music tend to be in that age group. Like myself. For the majority of people, KF movies are just not something they can relate to, and they think the movies are stupid. (just like I think most of these romantic comedies coming out are stupid).

    Anyways, luckily I know several people who share the same tastes in movies.

  8. #143
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    ttt 4 2013

    Shaolin Grandma
    A Japanese spin on Stephen Chow that has absolutely no redeeming value whatsoever. I kept thinking it was going to take a novel turn that would propel it into that eye-gluing land of Japanese cinema ala Miike, and there were so many ample opportunities (the grandma becomes a exotic dancer after she loses a fight and gets kicked out of Shaolin) but it never does. A complete waste of time. Even a sword fight couldn't save this.
    Gene Ching
    Publisher www.KungFuMagazine.com
    Author of Shaolin Trips
    Support our forum by getting your gear at MartialArtSmart

  9. #144
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    Threadromancy! +10 internets.
    Simon McNeil
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    Be on the lookout for the Black Trillium, a post-apocalyptic wuxia novel released by Brain Lag Publishing available in all major online booksellers now.
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  10. #145
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    ttt 4 2019!

    Quote Originally Posted by Laughing Cow View Post
    No retreat, no surrender I & II
    Props to Laughing Cow for calling this one. You know you got something truly bad when you're roasted by MST3K.


    ‘Mystery Science Theater 3000’ takes its audience down memory lane — with an eye on the future



    This weekend, Joel Hodgson will sport “Mystery Science Theater 3000’s” red jumpsuit for the first time since 1993 and bring the Great Cheesy Movie Circus Tour to the National Theatre. (Shout Factory)

    By Tim Greiving
    October 14, 2019 at 9:00 AM EDT

    Joel Hodgson is donning the red jumpsuit for the last time. He started playing Joel Robinson in 1988, “just another face” — per the old “Mystery Science Theater 3000” theme song — who did a good job cleaning up the place, but his bosses didn’t like him, so they shot him into space.

    In space — a.k.a. cable television — Hodgson survived a barrage of cheesy movies by “riffing” on them mercilessly with two robot friends. A new art form was born.

    This weekend, Hodgson, 59, will sport the red jumpsuit for the first time since 1993 and bring the Great Cheesy Movie Circus Tour to the National Theatre, a live version of the MST3K format familiar to fans: making fun of bad movies — in this case, the British schlockfest “Circus of Horrors” (1960) and the 1986 kung fu flick “No Retreat, No Surrender” — interspersed with sketches.

    “You’re watching it with 1,500 other people,” Hodgson said, by phone, from the road. “That’s the only thing that’s different, and that’s what changes the dynamic of it so much. You do a lot of moving pieces around while you’re performing, because they might laugh over a setup for your joke, and you have to lay out and try to worm it back in downstream if you really like it.”

    MST3K has proved surprisingly pliable. It migrated from KTMA-TV in Minneapolis to the then-new network Comedy Central (then called the Comedy Channel) in 1989. Hodgson, who created the show, left in 1993 after a conflict over creative control. With new host Mike Nelson, it survived the transition from Comedy Central to the Sci-Fi Channel in 1997. After a cancellation two years later, it rose from the ashes on Netflix in 2017 — thanks to a Kickstarter campaign spearheaded by Hodgson, who regained control of the brand.

    But when he brought MST3K back to life, Hodgson left one major ingredient behind: himself as host. He was set to bring back several original alumni for the revival, but a month before the big announcement, they all bailed.

    “Which I totally understand,” said Hodgson. “But it put us in this funny position where, when the Kickstarter started, [people were] going: ‘Where’s all the other cast? What have you done?’ I think they thought: Oh, this is going to be like a ‘Laverne and Shirley’ reunion show, where everyone sits on director’s chairs and has memories, and then we show clips.”

    The campaign had already raised a million dollars. Hodgson said the organizer, Ivan Askwith, told him: “People are really concerned about this, and we have to answer them. And here’s the other thing you didn’t know, Joel, is that if they don’t like your answer, they can cancel their Kickstarter. So if you say the wrong thing, you’ll lose everything.”

    Hodgson said the right thing.

    “I said, ‘We can do a lot of things with ‘Mystery Science Theater,’ but we can’t make you 13 again. We can’t make you feel like you did when you first found the show, when your dad got the good cable package. But we can bring it back with new people, and I think this concept is worth being refreshed outside of Mike or Joel, and the cast that went with them.’ ”

    The concerns died down, and Hodgson raised more than $5.7 million — breaking Kickstarter’s record for video projects.

    Jonah Ray, a comedian who grew up with the show, filled the host jumpsuit — with Baron Vaughn and Hampton Yount playing his robot pals, Tom Servo and Crow — for two seasons on Netflix. After a slightly stilted beginning, the new crew hit its stride with Season 2, “The Gauntlet.” Hodgson is an executive producer, director and writer on the new series.

    Between seasons, the team sharpened its skills on the road with two tours. The live shows allow the MST3K company to keep performing and growing, regardless of whether (or how often) Netflix orders more episodes. For the current tour, its longest to date , Hodgson decided to perform as host — for the final time.

    “I didn’t want to leave anything on the field,” said Hodgson, who is training the cast and crew to be potential future hosts and torchbearers for the show. “This is my last time to really touch it, and really kind of travel with it, and really feel it all these times. I feel like I’m going to know so much that, by the end of it, we’ll really be in good shape to keep doing it.”

    ‘Transparent’s’ musical finale is a weird — but occasionally wonderful — way to go

    Hodgson was never that comfortable in the jumpsuit from Day One . As a dry stand-up comic, who incorporated his love of magic and ventriloquism into his act, he had been on Letterman and “Saturday Night Live.” So when he sold the idea for MST3K to small-time Minnesota TV, he was “the most logical guy” to front the show.

    “The thing that gives me the most satisfaction is that I created it, not that I performed in it,” he said.

    For longtime fans, Hodgson’s droll delivery and paternal relationship to the “bots” is a huge part of their affection for MST3K. When fans quote lines from “Eegah” or “Manos: The Hands of Fate,” often they’re quoting him.

    “You are playing with people’s memories, and it’s people’s feelings,” he said. “And I really get that. But I always kind of go: Well, thank God we made 200 feature-length episodes that are easily accessible. Because there’s a lot of material if you really, you know, want that.”

    With his company Alternaversal, based in Doylestown, Pa., Hodgson is developing other ideas for TV and theater alongside more MST3K-related projects. He believes the joy of shredding cheesy movies is bigger than his red jumpsuit.

    “That was my real point to coming back,” he said, “to just go: Hey, it’s just not locked into the Joel/Mike reality. It’s a lot bigger than that.”

    If you go

    Mystery Science Theater 3000 Live: The Great Cheesy Movie Circus Tour
    Friday at 7 p.m. and Saturday at 3 and 8 p.m. at National Theatre, 1321 Pennsylvania Ave. NW. thenationaldc.com. $59-$99.
    Gene Ching
    Publisher www.KungFuMagazine.com
    Author of Shaolin Trips
    Support our forum by getting your gear at MartialArtSmart

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