Is Shao-lin Ninjitsu for real?

[SenseiShellie]

I think you'll be happy to know I signed up a black student today. After we commenced formalities and he completed the gauntlet run, with an impressive diagonal flip through the razorwire thermoban, I asked him if there were any other African Americans in the neighboring community he could refer to the school. He looked at me like I was plumb crazy, mate.

BTW, he had a Master's from USC in Biochemical Endocrinology. He must be very smart. Maybe you know him?

I haven't gotten his background check back yet.

I just started, so I probably wouldn't know him. We would also be on different campus's. I am at the campus in East LA.

[John Takeshi]

He said he's a little east-northeast of there.

I'm beginning to get a little suspicious of him.

I asked him what mammalian Proprotein convertases and metalloendopeptidase were. He shrugged. I suggested that while serine proteinases are largely responsible for activating precursors of hormones, enzymes, growth and transcription factors, receptors, as well as envelope proteins of infectious viruses and bacteria, that ARTc plays a far more important role in the cytosol and at the cell surface.

He just smiled wanly and replied: "Yup."

Funny thing is, it's NRDc that plays a far more important role in the cytosol and at the cell surface. I made up ARTc.

I think that demonstrates how very cunning I am.

Plus, he has a tattoo of Little Nemo on his left ankle.

Maybe I'm jaded, or maybe my ninja senses are picking something up. Something fishy is afoot.

[John Takeshi]

Being a Third Level Acquisitor of the High Order of Shao-lin Ninjitsu, I am a conduit for the Infinite Spirit of Life that lives, dwells and has His Human Being within the Soul Bounty of every man, woman and child of this earth plane.

Since all beings on this earth plane are joined in the solicitous quintessence of the tiger spiritual contained in the vessel conceived in liberty, I have access to their innermost thoughts and desires. This is extremely felicitous knowledge to have, for it makes my missions that much easier.

Once, I was a child. I was unaware of the blissful reality of the vicarious spiritual to be owned. And then I became a man, as a First Level Acquisitor, acquiring the spiritual tangential. At last I became a master, having reached the Second Level of Acquisition, whereby one becomes the memory master of personal comprehension in the purpose of life, liberty, and personal property. But the eccentricity of the spiritual tangential, it's very accidental ectodoshinity, if you must, was still beyond my grasp. And then I became something not quite man, not quite divine, as I shed the vestments of this mortal coil, and clothed myself in righteous cloth, forged in the fires the Vulcan's smithy, attended by garpies and centaurs (symbolically), of a spiritual realm. Of course, all of this metaphysical imagery is but a similacrum of linguistic and mythological structures aimed at defining an experience beyond experience; but such are the restrictions of the tongue, given unto man.

I am reminded of the story of the wise dragon, who once told the turtle: "You cannot hide from the dangers of the marsh by retreating into darkness. One must become a child of light, to tread willingly into the jaws of the lion without fear, unafraid." But the turtle replied: "It is easier to retreat. See?" And it retreated into its shell. Shortly, a troop of hunters passed by. One of them stumbled upon the shell and called to his mates: "Oi! Kindred! I tripped on a turtle shell!" Then he got an idea. "Oi, I bet this juicy turtle shell would make a fine piece of bait for the lion we're about to go hunting!" And verily did he take the turtle for this purpose. When the hunting party arrived at the hunt, and spotted the lion in his den, they threw unto the beast the turtle hiding in its shell, and it was eaten.

The moral of the story is about protection and safety, and I advise you all to use protection when engaging in sexual congress.

Good day.

[John Takeshi]

That's it. The black guy is out.

We no longer have any African Americans enrolled at the Shao-lin Ninjitsu Commune.

He had the nerve to fork over a Master's he'd recieved from USC; but through some computer fluke, he'd gotten the degree without having completed 3 credit hours. USC's records show him short of graduation, but he had the piece of paper.

Credit goes to our Shao-lin Ninjitsu intern, Dan Kirkland, for his research into this imposter.

Well done.

Another one bites the dust.

[SenseiShellie]

That's it. The black guy is out.

We no longer have any African Americans enrolled at the Shao-lin Ninjitsu Commune.

He had the nerve to fork over a Master's he'd recieved from USC; but through some computer fluke, he'd gotten the degree without having completed 3 credit hours. USC's records show him short of graduation, but he had the piece of paper.

Credit goes to our Shao-lin Ninjitsu intern, Dan Kirkland, for his research into this imposter.

Well done.

Another one bites the dust.

John, I didn't want to tell you this but Keck (USC's Med School) only has one campus. I wanted you to ask him the school that he was at. The other HHS campus is in Alhambra and not East LA. He was trying to pull one over on you guys...

[The Xia]

I see you are not familiar with the Judo Fist, though, which is in fact essential to forming the basic foundation for the referral towards the acquisition of the mind of the tiger spiritual.

I prefer to think of myself as being the Judo Fist. I think that should demonstrate how deep my philosophy is. By now you are likely wondering what clan I am part of. I am a 30th Dan Grandmaster Guru Sensei in the Wudang-Shaolin Ninja Do Pai. My clan was founded in the Three Kingdoms period by General Tso. I was taught Wudang-Shaolin Ninjitsu, Greco-Roman Aiki-Ninjitsu, Brazilian Ninjitsu, General Tso’s Chicken Fist, Dim Mak-Jutsu, Judo Katana Chuan, and Samurai Tai Chi Fut Chuan by Abbot David Carradine of the Shaolin Temple. One of many differences between my clan and others is our strong emphasis on the mind of the dragon spiritual, which blends well with the essence of enlightenment of the tiger spiritual.

[John Takeshi]

If you do in fact consider yourself to be the judo fist, then contemplate this and explain it in detail:

The essence of the tiger spiritual is inspired by the negro spiritual.

I give you one week, and not a day more. If you don't reply by then, then you have failed, and I call "Fraud!" upon your antics.

[The Xia]

The highest rank within the Wudang Shaolin Ninja Do Pai is 35th Dan. Didn’t you get the memo from the last inter-clan conference?

If you do in fact consider yourself to be the judo fist, then contemplate this and explain it in detail:

The essence of the tiger spiritual was inspired by a negro spiritual.

I give you one week, and not a day more. If you don't reply by then, then you have failed, and I call "Fraud!" upon your antics.

In our clan, we seek the mind of the dragon spiritual. A mere acquisition of the Judo Fist would make the mind of the dragon spiritual a far more difficult goal. Therefore, we become the Judo Fist in order to cultivate the spiritual in a way that is more appropriate to the mind of the dragon spiritual. This was explained at the first inter-clan conference. Didn't Grandmaster Sensei Takeshi Ukeno give you the memo?

[John Takeshi]

Go ahead and make your jokes. I explained in the first posting how to make contact with the commune. You have to talk to Rose, show her your Masters Degree, and say: "I seek the mind of the tiger spiritual."

Honestly, I think this last poster is just a troll. And as for Bootytree and the Xia-yster--what goes around comes around.

I think this shows how quick I am at come-backs.

[The Xia]

And as for Bootytree and the Xia-yster--what goes around comes around.

I've always found inter-clan politics to be a distasteful matter, but if you have a gripe with the Wudang Shaolin Ninja Do Pai please state it in clarity. And please do not lump the statements of "Bootytree" together with the Wudang Shaolin Ninja Do Pai.

[John Takeshi]

I've always found inter-clan politics to be a distasteful matter, but if you have a gripe with the Wudang Shaolin Ninja Do Pai please state it in clarity. And please do not lump the statements of "Bootytree" together with the Wudang Shaolin Ninja Do Pai.

That doesn't even exist! You're just making stuff up, and adding to the large stockpile of misinformation on KFM!

Don't you dare make me start another "Misinformation on KFM" thread. I'll expose you all!

[John Takeshi]

Watch your sixes, you reprobates! Keep an eye on your evening ninjadows!

[John Takeshi]

Until the late unpleasantness and mud-slinging abates on this forum, I'm afraid I'm going to have to reinstate the following stipulations regarding how and when, and under what circumstances my words are/may be used:


Due to some recent postings by some ill-demeanored fellows on this forum, which tried unsuccesfully to drag my name through the mud, I'd appreciate it if all of you would PM me in advance before you use my name in a posting.

This way, I can keep track of the kinds of misinformation being spread throughout the forum. I shall extend the same courtesies to you as well.

[John Takeshi]

If you want the truth, it's there for you to seek. All you need to do is complete a full curriculum at a local university required for a Master's Degree (in any field except Home Economics), not be a woman, and be of sound mind (although if you're not the former, you will surely be the latter).

[The Xia]

Why do you need your students to have Master's Degrees?