A little help.

[BM2]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jOZMYndeeKQ
This was my son with no formal lessons getting a submission with a kimura while only about 6 weeks out of kindergarten. He went on to have a succesful wrestling and BJJ results at tournaments. I don't know what happened, maybe the early success, however his nerves now are so bad he can not compete.
He pinned a kid in 17 seconds in Ohio and then let the next kid pin him so he could go home. When he found out that it was double elimination and he had a bye putting him competing for 3rd or 4th with only the 3rd place getting a trophy, he went out and pinned the kid. Now he doesn't want to do either one and I told him it was ok and it is, I just don't want him to think he can just quit instead of facing his fears though.
Has anyone successfully helped someone with this problem?

[Knifefighter]

Wow... great technique.

Sounds like he doesn't want to deal with the pressure anymore.

If he was my kid, I'd let him make the decision on whether to continue to compete or not.

[BM2]

Take a look at his older brother at the same tournament , its on the sticky video thread at the top of the page under video compilation thread. There is another of each of them on youtube.
Yeah, I don't bring it up with him competing or wrestling this fall. He is just doing football now and its 4 days a week!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0XHkpZwQgbc
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rAoZNvKn0fU
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XOxN3gjdrjU

[street_fighter]

thats an awesome clip. woulda beat my ninja turtle fu ass to the ground.

[BM2]

This is from the Mason Trophy Tournament in Ohio. His last time competing that I was talking about at the top of the thread.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kI5YY-tYK88
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wO5UUx2uBnI

[Becca]

Has anyone successfully helped someone with this problem?

My son's Sifu (my sifu, too, actually) is helping him get past his burn-out by teaching him tho climb at a local indoor gym. Jake gets discouraged when his legs ache after really aplying himself. But he can't get anywhere in kung fu with out really aplying himself. So he wants to quit.

If I understand correctly, Sifu is working on the theory that Jake just needs to be shown that anything physical that makes the body ache can be fun. Jake likes to climb trees, so Sifu is going to teach him to climb rocks. But in a way that reinforces his kung fu.

This is not exactly what your son is going through, but it might be similar. Find out what made him burn out with his wrestling and grappling and what he wants to replace it with, then help him make the connection between the two activities.

[TenTigers]

don't "make it his choice." Just find other things to do, which will distract him from it for awhile and see what the results are. If he starts asking to go back, then bring him back a little at a time. This way, he isn't quitting. If you let him make these decisions, pretty soon it becomes habit. And follows him throughout his life.

Case in point: I had a student-whom I taught since he was about seven. (I was a freind of the family, so I used to come over and teach him at his house beforew I owned a school.) So Mom would cater to his every whim. I used to cook, so I showed him how to make a dish, and the next thing, Mom is bragging how her son is a chef.(he's seven and can stir-fry rice) Then she puts him into modeling-She has head shots and a book made up,spends a fortune.She sends him to dance school-typical storefront type, for a few weeks, then brags how he is a breakdancer. He never does any modeling. (to this day, he tells everyone he was a model) He starts training with me when I open up my school-he'a about twelve at this point-does very well. Winning all the time. Then he stops training hard, only walks through his form, doing short, half movements,just going over it. (because "he has it') Enters the next tournament-flops miserably,short disjointed moves powered by some adreneline=garbage. Lost his fight-because he didn't practice. Mom blames the judges.

So he's up for his Black Belt, but starts missing classes. Suddenly his hip is bothering him. He puts it off so much, that we had to trick him into taking it-he showed up for class, and we locked the doors on him and put him through it-which he passed. Ok, so he stayed with it for awhile. A little later, he quits,(now, he's 17-18) but signs up at a JKD school that taught a real dabbler's mentality. Now he wants to open up a school and teach his "own style," because, "I've got the Wing Chun,"(he did a little chi-sao, and siu lim tao) I've got the Hung-Ga,(he knew the forms, but hadn't developed any of the real technique yet) I've got the kali,(he could do sinawali, and hubud drills)..yadda-yadda. So this never occurs, but he does a little rolling with some friends. Now, he's a teacher.

His parents buy him a new car...he sells it and buys a used taxi (which were used cop cars) and spends the rest. He decides to go into acting-does one off, off broadway show-actually one of those storefront playhouses. And waits on tables, while waiting to be discovered. A few years later,He gets married to his childhood sweetheart, his parents give him their house that they lived in forever-he took over the mortgage-Mom and Dad move into a condo. Within a year, he sells the house, and they move into a small apartment. Mom and Dad? oh well.

His wife, develops lupos. This is too much of a strain, they get divorced. Split the money from the house, and...he goes travelling with the money. She found someone who was stronger and supportive-she's doing fine now, and has a great life.

He's still waiting on tables, but now he wants to open up a resteraunt-because he considers himself a chef-(waiter=chef) he opens a deli/gourmet catering...um, deli. Got his new girlfriend's family to invest in it. The location was actually a good deli, but he doesn't want to do sandwiches, or breakfast or lunch, because he's a gourmet chef. Well, a few months of this, and he's doing breakfast,sandwiches, and lunch. AT least now, he's finally getting a dose of reality..unless..

The thing is, every time he quit, his mother would tell him that it was never his fault, but everyone else's. She rationalized everything, and her precious baby could do no wrong. He grew up with this,"I got it" mentality,never took anything to completion, always bailed when the going got rough, and never developed accountability. He's in his thirties now. Hopefully, the deli will make it, but it takes alot of hard work, long hours, and dedication.

This could be your child's future. The experiences and lessons he learns as a child, develops the values he lives by as an adult.

[BM2]

My youngest son (whom I started this thread) had placed 1st twice in Indiana in Freestyle, a 2nd and 3rd in Ohio in Folkstyle, 1st twice in BJJ in Kentucky, 1st once in BJJ in Tennesee, 3rd once in TN in BJJ, 2nd once in submission wrestling, 3rd once in submission wrestling in TN.
The pressure of "winning" or doing well based on his past performance made his stomach hurt before his matches. I told him that he didn't need to compete and that it should be fun. Although I wanted him to face this and get by it, I wasn't going to push him till he was wanting it to be fun again.
No excuses made or given.
Case in point. My nephew was a youth football standout here in KY. When his mother moved to Jacksonville FL with his new step-father, all the love of the sport was killed. He was playing with the varsity team as a sophmore there instead of JV. His step-father hearing from the coach on how well he played decided he was going to get him a football scholarship by making him into a real football player. He had him run behind his pickup after school, exercise in the living room to his calls and put him on a special diet. In short, my nephew came back to KY to live with my piece of crap brother to get away from his stepdad. He couldn't stand to even watch football on TV and missed out on something he had loved during his final HS years here.
Right now my son is playing football and is the most football crazed kid I know. If after the season is over and he wants to start rolling again, I'll glady pay for the classes.

[Becca]

Dunno, it doesn't sound to me like he's quitting. Just shifted his focus.

[TaichiMantis]

A similar thing happened with my son. Won many trophies as a white and yellow sash against older kids but then nerves got to him and he wanted to quit and do football. He did that for a year and then injured his shoulde in a game and had to have surgury at age 12...

[Sal Canzonieri]

Have him trying teaching/coaching, it's usually inspirational.

[sanjuro_ronin]

Start em off early they get burnt out or bored early, just the way it is.
When it stops being "for fun" it stops being fun.

And how does a kid with "no formal training" know what a "kimura" ( Ude gatamae btw.) is ?

[BM2]

How he knew what a Kimura was? I showed him.
My wife worked on Saturdays and I would take them to BJJ class with me. They would play on four puzzle mat squares by themselves and mimic us. When they said they wanted to enter a tournament, I figured that they would be taken down so I showed them a couple of submissions and sweeps from the guard.
Just two weeks ago I put the oldest one in a different BJJ school, one that has a kids class.