G. I. Joe: Rise of the Cobra

[Zenshiite]

Quick Kick, I think it was. He was cool... but I don't think he was around much. Early on he was there and the occasional cameo. He was cool though. Loved him.

[Shaolinlueb]

there are a ton of great characters in gi joe.

firefly
zartan
destro
major bludd
doctor mindbender
tomax
xamot
zandar

gung ho
bazooka
shipwreck
flint
alpine
beach head
dusty
falcon
leatherneck
roadblock
rock n roll

to name a few. there are tons of others. and thats not even counting past the original joe series.

[sanjuro_ronin]

Enjoy:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZBfnQXWvatw

[Zenshiite]

I like the look of recognition on Storm Shadows... eyes... when he and Snake-Eyes clash blades. He sees the Arashikage hexagram on that blade.

[Shaolinlueb]

oh god. this looks awful. transformers made me love transformers even more.


delta 6 suits? wtf? this looks like garbage.

[GeneChing]

See GI JOE - YO JOE, The Snake Has Returned by Dr. Craig Reid, exclusively on our ezine.

[Lucas]

ill watch it, even if it does end up sucking and getting bad reviews. i was into the G I Joe as a kid, so its kind of manditory for me to check it out.

i did see a clip of this on the tonight show with conan obrien, it was a scene where they toppled the eiffel tower. looked pretty neat. good special effects on it anyway.

[Jimbo]

Hmmm...the other day I went to the theater to watch Orphan, and there's a big line of people waiting outside. After the movie, a much bigger crowd, now with security people, some cops and news vans all parked on the street. Turns out it was a special pre-release showing of G.I. Joe and some of the film's cast were making personal appearances at the theater. It's a small, mall theater, but one that has lots of special events, like the San Diego Asian (and Latin) Film Festivals. I didn't stick around to see any stars, though.

[xcakid]

Saw the movie last Saturday. I must say it was Awesome! The action was great! Specially the scenes in Paris and under the polar ice cap. They did great with the CGI too. It was seemless and they made a lot of the vehicles look like the ones in the cartoon. Let me also add, Rachel Nichols and Sienna Miller looked HOOOOTTT!! Although I did not like Sienna Miller with black hair. But I guess the Baronnes couldn't be a blonde. Rachel Nichols is a blonde, but she looked great as a redhead.

[Shaolinlueb]

i thought it was going to be crap. and it wasn't. it was so awesome i saw it twice!

[GeneChing]

...but G.I. Joe's Kung Fu Grip, that's priceless.

‘G.I. Joe’ Kung Fu Grips the Box Office

Published by Jeff Leins on: August 9th, 2009

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra won the box office battle this weekend, earning an estimated $56.2 million from 4,007 locations. The opening is about $10 million north of analyst expectations and the second largest non-sequel for an August release.

The action movie debuted overseas in 75% of its foreign markets, grabbing another $44 million for a worldwide total of over $100 million in three days. Partners Hasbro, Paramount, and Spyglass Entertainment were initially concerned with making a $175 million production about “real American heroes,” so the team was expanded to be an international task force and the G.I. became “global integrated.” The marketing costs were estimated at another $150 million.

Like Hasbro’s other toy-to-movie franchise (Transformers), Joe was mostly critic-proof. The studio only screened the movie for select outlets and didn’t invite press critics, usually a sign of a lack of confidence in quality. After reviews were compiled, the RottenTomatoes score fell to 39% positive. Meanwhile, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen has slowed to $393.7 million total in the U.S.

The other major opening this week was Julie & Julia starring Meryl Streep and Amy Adams. The PG-13 biopic of the late chef Julia Child made $20.1 million. As solid counter-programming to Joe, it played to a predominantly female audience and 55% over the age of 50. That might explain why I missed it.

G-Force and Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince have been flip flopping since their release, but this time Jerry Bruckheimer’s animated guinea pigs beat Potter with $9.8 million to the sequel’s $8.9 million.

Last week’s weak winner, Funny People, dropped 65% to $7.9 million and rounded out the top five. I’m still trying to figure out where and why $75 million of Universal’s money went in this R-rated comedy.

GI Joe: The Rise of CobraThe only other newcomer was the low-budget horror flick A Perfect Getaway. It had a modest bow at $5.8 million on a budget of $14M.

One of the year’s best films, (500) Days of Summer, snuck into the top 10 with $3.72 million.

3-Day U.S. weekend estimates:
1. G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra $56.2 million
2. Julie & Julia $20.1 million
3. G-Force $9.8 million
4. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince $8.9 million
5. Funny People $7.9 million
6. The Ugly Truth $7 million
7. A Perfect Getaway $5.8 million
8. Aliens in the Attic $4 million
9. Orphan $3.73 million
10. (500) Days of Summer $3.72 million

Movie Review: G.I. Joe loses its kung-fu grip on our patience
Friday, August 7th, 2009 | 6:00 pm
By Mark Stone

I think I’ve come up with the perfect way to determine whether you will enjoy GI Joe: The Rise Of Cobra (now playing at Cineplex Orchard Plaza and Landmark Capitol). It boils down to two questions: Are you curious to see what a $175 million budget will buy with respect to visual effects, and, are you a fan of non-stop – and I mean NON STOP – mindless action? If you answered yes to either of these questions, there’s a very high probability that you’ll like this movie.

There are fifteen minutes of fantastic film sequence that takes place in Paris during the film’s second act that stand out as perhaps the most mind-blowing action sequences I’ve seen. Other than that, I don’t know what to say… this movie is 120 minutes of straight action: things blowing up, guns firing, people fighting, more things blowing up, chases, and very loud crashes. If you enter the theatre with even the slightest hint of a headache, you’ll come out with your noggin just wishin’ for an Advil overdose.

G.I. Joe’s plot is as preposterous as its screenplay (more on that screenplay later). At the beginning of the film, we’re clued in to the fact that everyone – both good guys and bad – is after the ultimate weapon called nanomites. These mutant genetic creatures can burst into green clouds of what appear to resemble fiendish termites that devour everything in sight, giving way to disaster scenes that come across like recycled footage from “The Mummy.” This is no coincidence; the same guy, Stephen Sommers, directs both films. Sommers even summons up Mummy star Brendan Fraser in a completely useless cameo here as a G.I. Joe trainer. I use the term useless because Fraser doesn’t have a single line of dialogue in the film. The four main characters in the story, who may or may not flip between good and evil, are Duke (a completely wooden Channing Tatum), his sidekick Ripcord (Marlon Wayans), his former fiancée Ana (Sienna Miller), and his former partner Rex (an almost unrecognizable Joseph Gordon-Levitt). Dennis Quaid, who must have either lost a bet or took the job without ever reading the script, plays the G.I. leader.

Back to that screenplay and dialogue thing. G.I. Joe: The Rise Of Cobra now takes a place in film history as having the very worst screenplay I have ever seen come to life (death?) on film. There are probably countless films with dialogue worse than Cobra, but none whose screenplay is this consistently bad. I wish I could have written down more than two examples, but there’s a few that come to mind. After the nanomites have destroyed the Eiffel Tower in Paris, the U.S. President’s advisor tells him, in the same tone he’d use as if he were talking about the weather, “The French are rather upset.” In another scene at the end of the movie where the hero and villain face off for the last time, the villain actually utters the phrase, “You and what army?” See what I mean about the dreadful dialogue?

There can only be two logical explanations for how this screenplay came about. Either it was written by a Hasbro focus group comprised primarily of 12-year old boys, or it was ripped off from a dubbed soundtrack of a foreign version of the film released in some alternate universe. When a studio’s movie costs $175 million to make, one would hope that they would spend at least one million to buy a decent screenplay. Not the case here.

Watching this film is not unlike Morgan Spurlock’s Supersize Me diet, where he consumed only McDonalds for 30 days. It isn’t so bad going down, but there’s just too much and when it’s all over you’re left with a massive headache. But if it’s non-stop action you seek, you will not be disappointed.

[xcakid]

That Mark Stone writer above must LOOVVEEE chick flicks and hates action flick. Let me guess, he's from the Castro District of San Farncisco.

[GeneChing]

...worse - he's from Canada.

But he's not the only one panning the flick. Here's one from NY.

'G.I. Joe: The Rise of the Cobra': This snake is inane
Joe Neumaier

Friday, August 7th 2009, 2:16 PM
Frank Masi

Maybe if they would have used the actual poseable action figures, the producers of "G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra" would have gotten some lively performances. As it is, star Channing Tatum speaks his lines as if someone is pulling the voice cord attached to his neck.

The dialogue, of course, isn't the point of "G.I.Joe," which wasn't screened for critics before opening, and for good reason. Director Stephen Sommers' actioner joins such embarrassing company as "The Avengers," "Lost in Space," "Wild Wild West" and "League of Extraordinary Gentlemen" in the annals of inane summer would-be blockbusters that make your brain bleed.

Sure, big dumb fun can be big dumb fun, but Sommers goes beyond the "more is more" modus operandi and launches into "too much is never enough" territory. The action scenes are all over the place, the team (constantly called "the Joes," which, even to a Joe, sounds ridiculous) is blurred into one big mass, including the guy swathed in a gray hoodie who never talks, and the villain's big plot is one we've seen a million times. Well, a million and one now. The best fun that can be had here is laughing at the movie, which, if you're in the mood, could warrant a half a star.

Tatum is Duke, a blank-faced ex-military hotshot recruited, with his pal Ripcord (Marlon Wayans) into an exclusive international fighting unit that gets to play with high-tech toys and armor while fighting the world's evil.

Today's evil is brought to you by a Scottish weapons industrialist who wants to force the world to bend to his will and then his operatives will take over. He comes from a long line of rascals, apparently, because the very first scene takes place in France in the year 1641 and involves a man in an iron mask. Because that's exactly what belongs in a "G.I. Joe" movie.

As Duke meets the full team — including General Hawk (Dennis Quaid), Scarlett (Rachel Nichols), Breaker (Saïd Taghmaoui), and Heavy Duty (Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje) — he discovers his onetime love Ana (a ludicrous, dark-tressed Sienna Miller) is helping the nasty industrialist in his evil deeds. There's also a scientist wearing a Darth Vader breathing apparatus, some nonsense about nano-robots and a dimly-lit undersea compound that looks like a plumber's dream.

Forget the wooden performances — including Joseph Gordon-Levitt of "(500) Days of Summer" — the constant flashbacks, the ADD-style visuals (even two boys fighting over food is edited with a Ginsu knife). What defines the movie is that the nano-robots eat steel, and during a chase to catch the villains and their weapons in Paris, someone realizes a major landmark could be the target. It comes as a surprise to the Joes when they realize where they're headed. Let's see... Paris? Steel? Major landmark? What could that be?

There's a way to do this kind of thing (Just witness Hasbro's other toy-turned-dumb movie franchise, "Transformers"). "G.I. Joe," though, hasn't got a kung fu-grip on what it is.

There are over 1000 reviews on the web, but I'm only focusing on the ones that mention kung fu grip.

[GeneChing]

Q: Why are Barbie's breasts blue?
A: Because G.I. Joe has kung fu grip.

His Kung Fu Grip Is Less Than Gripping
Your childhood dolls come to life (albeit still with only one facial expression) in G.I. Joe
Published August 13, 2009 by Jonn Kmech in Screen Feature

Hey, Joe, Where You Going With That Gun In Your Hand? | Channing Tatum takes aim at narrative coherence in G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra.
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra

G.I. JOE: THE RISE OF COBRA
Directed by Stephen Sommers. Starring Channing Tatum, Marlon Wayans, Sienna Miller, Dennis Quaid. Now playing.
**

As is relatively well-known now, the G.I. Joe dolls of today are grotesquely disproportional caricatures of the male physique compared to their original counterparts from the 1960s. If they were attempting to do the same thing with their movie that Mattel has done with the dolls, the makers of G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra have succeeded wildly. Compared to, say, The Dirty Dozen, Rise of Cobra is a grotesquely disproportional caricature of soldiers and fighting. There is nothing realistic about any part of this film, but it does supply the same level of carefree escapism as a G.I. Joe helping a child cherry-bomb an anthill.

We’re quickly introduced to our villain, James McCullen (Christopher Eccleston), whose weapons company MARS has designed a state-of-the-art nanotechnology weapon. Our heroes, Duke (Channing Tatum) and Ripcord (Marlon Wayans) are part of the U.S. Army squadron delivering warheads with this weapon to NATO when they’re ambushed by the evil Baroness (Sienna Miller) who works for the shadowy syndicate Cobra. Luckily, they’re saved by members of G.I. Joe, a special wing of the U.S. Army. After convincing General Hawk (Dennis Quaid) to allow them to join the unit, Duke and Ripcord have to stop McCullen, the Baronness, and Cobra from (surprise, surprise) trying to bring about a new world order.

In lieu of a proper review, I think it’d be more appropriate to just list off some of the totally badass **** that director Stephen Sommers and his screenwriters have tossed into G.I. Joe: nano-robots turning tanks into green clouds of dust, children head-butting each other, training montages, underwater manned submarines that look like sharks, ninjas engaging in multiple fights to the death, vinyl-clad women beating each other senseless, Dennis Quaid growling, pulse cannons that knock people backwards, supersoldier robotic suits that have miniguns on their arms... well, you get the idea. The only element that is disappointingly missing from this treasure trove of action insanity is gigantic shape-shifting robots fighting each other to save Earth. Sadly, no film that I’m aware of features that.

With Van Helsing and the Mummy movies under his belt, Sommers is well-known for fantastical films featuring a lot of style and action with no substance, so he was a perfect directorial choice for something as blatantly escapist as Rise of Cobra. Its plot is nonsensical, the troubled romance between Miller and Tatum is by-the-book, and the acting is about on par with what could be expected of human-sized plastic figurines with such special features as Movable Arms, Realistic Kicking Action, and Single Face Expression!

Yet I still liked it slightly better than Transformers 2. It’s another totally outlandish cacophony of CGI, but there are a few enjoyable winks toward the ’80s G.I. Joe cartoon and the action didn’t induce a migraine. However, it should come with a Surgeon’s General warning: watching both G.I. Joe and Transformers 2 at the same time could cause your head to melt. Seriously. If both films were put together, Bruce Willis could use them to destroy an asteroid.

[Shaolinlueb]

this movie alone is a reason to buy a blue ray player when they come out with a huge 1080p screen tv.