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Military Humor
A little boy was standing in front of a mirror in the restroom at John F. Kennedy Airport, when in walked a Marine staff sergeant, dressed in his dress blues. The little boy turned to the Marine and said, "Wow! Are you a Marine?"
The Marine replied, "Why, yes I am, young man. Would you like to wear my hat?"
"Boy, would I!," said the little boy. He took the hat and placed it on his head and turned to admire himself in the mirror.
As he was looking in the mirror, he heard the door open and through a ray of bright light, a man entered the room. But, this was not just a man -- he was more than a man. He was an Airborne Ranger.
The little boy turned and went over to the soldier. As he approached him, he could see the reflection in his boots. His eyes widened as he stared up at the soldier's chest full of medals and combat ribbons. He tried to speak, but he couldn't. Finally, he took a deep breath, and managed to say, "Excuse me, Sir. Are you an Airborne Ranger?"
The Ranger replied with a thunderous voice, "Why yes, I am!! Would you like to shine my boots?"
The little boy smiled, and said, "Oh, no sir!! I'm not a Marine. I'm just wearing his hat!"
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Aren't
Ready to be a
Marine
Yet
"The essence of life is struggle and it's goal is domination. There are higher goals and deeper meanings, but they exist only within the mind of man. The reality of life is war."
- The Way and the Power
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A marine is taking a leak in a toilet one day when a sailor walks in and begins to use the urinal next to him. The marine finishes up and opens the door to walk out of the toilets.
The sailor comments "In the navy they teach us to wash our hands after a p!ss" to which the marine replies "In the marines they teach us not to p!ss on our hands". :D
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What we do in life echoes in Eternity
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US MARINE CORPS OATH OF ENLISTMENT
I, (have someone recite your name for you),
swear..uhhhh....high-and-tight....grunt...cammies....ugh...Air
Force
women....HOORAH! So Help Me CORPS.!
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Nasty one...
How do they seperate the men from the boys in the Navy?
Crowbar.
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Reasonable men can agree to disagree, so probably you and I can too.
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REPORTER: Mr. Churchill could you comment on the traditions of the Royal Navy?
PM CHURCHILL: The traditions of the Royal Navy are rum, sodomy, and the lash.
I don't get mad.
I get stabby.
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Russian Air Force humor:
An American pilot jumps into the cockpit of his jetfighter and sits on a tack. He curses as he removes the tack and then throws it out.
An Israeli pilot jumps into the cockpit of his jetfighter and sits on a tack. He curses as he removes it and puts it in his chest pocket in case he needs it later.
A Russian pilot jumps into the cockpit of his jetfighter and sits on a tack. He curses as he removes it, looks at it for a second thinking, and then sits back on it thinking it must be there for a reason.
I don't get mad.
I get stabby.
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LOL, wait til my friends get load of that...
Military Bravery:
One day, a general of the Army, an Admiral, and an Air Force General are having an argument about whose branch of the military is braver.
So the Admiral yells to a passing Sailor, "Sailor, catch that falling anchor!" The Sailor snaps to attention, shouts, "Yes, sir!", runs under the anchor, and is crushed to death trying to catch it. The Admiral turns to the others and says "Gentlemen, that was bravery."
The Army General says, "That's nothing," and yells, "Private, stop that moving tank!" The Private snaps to attention, shouts "Yes, sir!" and is crushed under the tank while trying to stop it. The Army General turns back to the others and says, "Gentlemen, that took guts."
Finally, the Air Force General takes his turn. "Airman, catch that landing plane." The Airman snaps to attention and shouts "F*ck you, sir." The Air Force General turns to the others and`says, "Gentlemen, that took balls."
<TABLE BORDER="3" CELLSPACING="1" CELLPADDING="1"><TR><TD><form><INPUT TYPE="button" VALUE=" Art T " onClick="parent.location='http://people.we.mediaone.net/arttsai/home.html'"></TD></TR></table></form><HR Width="97%">"You fight like you train." --Motto, USN Fighter Weapon School (TOPGUN)
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Ways to amuse yourself during a Military Urinalysis
Ask your observer if he wants to race.
Wear a diaper.
Urinate all over the outside of the cup, and then refuse to wash your hands with anything accept antibacterial soap.
Inquire about a "take home cup."
Get your privates stuck in your zipper.
After four-and-a-half hours of holding it, pee so hard you knock the cup out of your hand.
When the nurse asks you to witness the cup being empty, insist that you have to stick your finger in there to "check it out for yourself."
When they call your name, walk to the counter looking really concerned. Calmly explain to the nurse that you haven't studied for this test, and want to know if there's any extra credit.
Put some water in your boot before the test. When you get to the peeing part, take off your boot, pour it into the cup, and shamefully say that you just couldn't wait.
Ask the observer to slap you on your rear-end a few times, just to get things going for you.
Bring a drink umbrella for your cup.
Since this person has probably seen a lot of people pee, ask him how you measure up.
Before you start, self-check for hernias (turn, cough, etc...)
Wear a condom.
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH :D
An Art is any form of expression or task that has been honed to near perfection.
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Heh - I was once told there would be a drug test for a job, and then asked if that was okay. I said "Sure, is it multiple choice or essay?"
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This space intentionally left blank.
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I was going to join the Marines but I passed the IQ test and had to go in the Army instead.
Peace,
Dave
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how many of you girls were actually in the armed service? how many years? and what service?
Myself 10 years Marine Corps.
A true humble-one always knows others and does not care if other people know him.
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Only two people dissed your beloved Corp, one is a Marine veteran and the other says right in the joke he served in the Army. Lighten up. And for the record, my two jokes were both told by famous foreigners who had served in the military and were in reference to foreign units.
I don't get mad.
I get stabby.
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One day a woman from a magazine interviewed a Marine Corps Gerneral about a boy scout troop that was going to do some training on the base.
woman interviewer: General what are you going to teach this boy on your base
General: Will teach them about bivuac's, survival, and then we will take them to the rifle range.
woman interviewer: General wont that be dangerous?
General: Why now we will give them full instructions in weapons safety before they get to the range.
woman interviewer: General dont you think you are equiping these young boys to be killers or mass murderers.
GeneralL: No young lady, Your equiped to be a prostiture but instead of that you are interviewing me,, Right.
:cool: :cool: :rolleyes: :D
A true humble-one always knows others and does not care if other people know him.
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im not getting mad or staby. I just wanted to now how many have served there country. Thats it
A true humble-one always knows others and does not care if other people know him.
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