Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays

[cerebus]

Heh, heh. I'm working a 12 hour shift today, but Merry Christmas just the same!

[Pilot]

I hope everyone has a Happy Holiday and a safe New Year!
Buy something nice for your Sifu!

[PHILBERT]

I'm having a lousy Christmas so far.

Ok I'm grateful and all that I can spend it with my family, and it's not lousy cause I'm being greedy. It's lousy for other reasons.

[yu shan]

Merry Christmas! Throw your Shifu a BIG party when he returns from iraq!

[BentMonk]

Greetings. I would like to wish everyone here the most politically incorrect, hedonistic, pagan, happy and otherwise festive as hell holiday season. Eat, drink. and be merry til you pass slick out. Happy New Year Too You bunch of wierdos. Party on, drink and or smoke one for me.

[Dim Wit Mak]

Merry Christmas to all the intelligent, talented and informative martial artists who post here. Jesus is the reason for the season.

[PHILBERT]

Haha, my Christmas just keeps getting better and better.

I got a flat tire tonight, and I might need to get an entirely new wheel for it.

[diego]

Originally posted by PHILBERT
Haha, my Christmas just keeps getting better and better.

I got a flat tire tonight, and I might need to get an entirely new wheel for it.

sweet dude, maybe for boxing day you'll get a kick in the nuts...get it boxing kicks FLAGEN

HAPPY NEW YEAR YO

[SimonM]

Nothing beats waking up at 6:30 in the morning on Boxing day and realizing that you are still drunk! Fortunately I'm sober now (especially fortunate since I'm at work now).

I invented a drinking game last night. You put on the extended version of Return of the King; the rules are simple.

Every time a main character (Gandalf, Pippin, Merry, Aragorn, Legolas, Gimli, Faramir, Eomer, Eowyn, Theoden, Frodo, Sam) kills an orc or a human take a small drink.

Every time a main character mentions the ring directly take a small drink. Every time Gollum mentions the precious take a slightly larger drink.

Every time a main character kills a non-unique monster other than an orc (Troll, Mumak, etc.) take a large drink.

Every time a unique monster or main villain (The Witch King, Sauron, Saruman, the Orc Cheiftan at the Battle at Pellanor Fields, etc.) is killed take a large drink.

Every time a main character gives an inspired speech before heading out into danger or battle have a large drink.

Every time a main character dies take a large drink to honor their valour.

Every time a main character survives mortal wounds just long enough to say something profound or personal take an extra large drink.

Finally, every time Peter Jackson significantly diverges from the plot of the book for no good reason take a very very large drink to ease the pain. :P

[MoreMisfortune]

ah yes, i should be complyaing about me conditions as usual, but this time i pass on a cool email i get, ok? ok?
here go

"In the spirit of political correctness, we offer this 'holiday' newsletter.
We don't want to offend any of you rich Jews by calling it a Christmas
newsletter. Even though it's way past Chamikah. I don't know when the
**** Kwanza is, so that might be over, too. And I don't know what ****ing
holidays those filthy Muslims practice other than making every day July
Fourth by running around like **** covered human firecrackers. In my
homeland we pray to the great and powerful Buddha. That fat **** has it all
over that skinny ***** Jesus, or any of those crazy cab driver religions.
It's tough being politically correct. I don't know how you folks do it."

[MoreMisfortune]

and it came with a poem

"-------------------------------------------------------------
Twas the Night Before Christmas, at T-Shirt Hell
-------------------------------------------------------------

Twas the night before Christmas, and back at my mansion;
My dog was balls deep, in young Scarlett Johansson

Three teenage runaways all chained to my bed,
Two sucked my tits, while the last gave me head;
The handcuffs were chafing, their collars on tight,
I warmed up the cattle prod for a long night.

A call from security disrupted my screwing;
An alarm had gone off, and some trouble was brewing.
I went to my monitor, scanned the estate.
The intruder was visible on camera eight.

A fat load of crap in a fuzzy red suit,
In a queer little sleigh with his bag full of loot.
Eight tiny reindeer the color of fawn;
This would be the last year they would **** on my lawn.

The hookers and runaways would just have to wait,
While I did what I did to protect my estate.
When I got to my parlor I saw Santa there;
My bodyguards had him strapped down to a chair.

They had beat him severely, they couldn't avoid it.
And Santa they said, well he rather enjoyed it.
"I came for your help," he told me with a tear;
"You're the only one who can save Christmas this year."

"We are so much alike, I know that much is true;
Since you also spread joy; just as much as I do.
I give everyone presents I don't ask to get paid
Is it so much to ask that I want to get laid?"

"A blumpkin! a donkey punch! the old Cleveland steamer!
Mrs. Claus is too old, and she won't let me ream her!"
I sympathized with the old guy this was true;
But there were some things (and some guys) that I just wouldn't do.

"I'll help the old dude" said a voice from behind me,
He looked over my shoulder and said, "Thank-you kindly!"
So, who would I thank for last minute salvation?
Why young Scarlett Johansson (from Lost in Translation)

Santa was thrilled and he did a quick dance
With a gleam in his eye and a tent in his pants.
She dropped to her knees and she spit on her hand,
As she undid his belt something happened, unplanned.

At the touch of her fingers he moaned and he ****ed;
And Santa was finished before he had started.
And Scarlett was literally covered in goo;
Like a young blade of grass in the fresh morning dew.

But more like a birthday cake covered in frosting;
Poor Santa collapsed the whole thing quite exhausting.
Scarlett licked her full lips and she said, "it's quite chalky."
"It's lucky for you that I'm into bukkake."

Well, Santa got up and he brushed off his suit,
As she licked the last drops of his seed off his boot.
Then Santa said, "Sorry, I guess one thing's clear:
It's that Santa should come more than one time a year."

But I heard him exclaim ere he drove out of sight,
Merry Christmas to all, and buy a gift certificate at
www.tshirthell.com, tonight.

(Special thanks to Scarlett Johansson for agreeing to be in this
poem in return for promotional consideration.)"

[ZIM]

Originally posted by SimonM
Nothing beats waking up at 6:30 in the morning on Boxing day and realizing that you are still drunk! Fortunately I'm sober now (especially fortunate since I'm at work now).

I invented a drinking game last night. You put on the extended version of Return of the King; the rules are simple.

Every time a main character (Gandalf, Pippin, Merry, Aragorn, Legolas, Gimli, Faramir, Eomer, Eowyn, Theoden, Frodo, Sam) kills an orc or a human take a small drink.

Every time a main character mentions the ring directly take a small drink. Every time Gollum mentions the precious take a slightly larger drink.

Every time a main character kills a non-unique monster other than an orc (Troll, Mumak, etc.) take a large drink.

Every time a unique monster or main villain (The Witch King, Sauron, Saruman, the Orc Cheiftan at the Battle at Pellanor Fields, etc.) is killed take a large drink.

Every time a main character gives an inspired speech before heading out into danger or battle have a large drink.

Every time a main character dies take a large drink to honor their valour.

Every time a main character survives mortal wounds just long enough to say something profound or personal take an extra large drink.

Finally, every time Peter Jackson significantly diverges from the plot of the book for no good reason take a very very large drink to ease the pain. :P

Every time Elrond says something, you have to end it with "Mr. Anderson..."

Every time someone gets up to go to the bathroom, everyone shouts "You! Shall! Not! Pass!"

[Pilot]

Thanks guys! Happy new year!

[David Jamieson]

With the holidays coming, here's a fruitcake recipe that will help
take the stress out of this normally stressful time:

Ingredients:
> 1 cup water
> 1 cup sugar
> 4 large eggs
> 2 cups dried fruit
> 1 tsp salt
> 1 cup brown sugar
> 3 oz lemon juice
> 1 cup nuts
> 1 gallon Bajan Rum

First, sample the rum to check for freshness.
Take a large bowl.
Check the rum again to be sure it is of the highest quality.
You know we can not trust those Bajans.
Pour 1 level cup of the rum and drink it. Repeat.Repeat again.

Turn on the electric mixer; beat 1 cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
Add water, eggs and 1 tsp sugar and beat again.
Make surr the rum is still OK.
Cry another tup.
Turn off mixers.
Chuck in the cup of dried fruit or something.
Mix on the turner.
If the fried druit gets struck on the beaterers, pry it loose
with a drewsciver.
Sample the rum to check for tonsistancity.
Next, sniff two cups of salt. Or something.
Check the rum.
Now sniff the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
Add one tablespoon of sugar or whatever.
Grease the oven.
Turn the cake tin 350 degrees.

Don't forget to beat off the turner.
Whip the bowl out the window.
Check the rum again.
Go to bed.

mmmmm... fruitcake.

[SPJ]

In the late 80's, I was invited by my American professor for X'mas dinner.

It was expensive for me to fly back to Taiwan.

X'mas is supposed to be with family and exchange of gifts or cards.

I mailed cards to my friends in Taiwan, US, Japan and Europe.

So the dinner was prepared for. I asked if I can bring something. The professor said maybe a desert.

Hmm.

So I smashed some cooked Pumkin and mixed with the glutinous rice powder or Nuo Mi Fun. I used a paper cup to stamp them into shapes. I then steamed them with boiling water.

They tasted a little bit sweet and some pumkin flavor.

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