I think marriage sucks

[SavvySavage]

Why isn't anyone staying married anymore? It's so sad. Whenever one of my friends announces happily that they're engaged I just shake my head.

I know some of you will be saying how you and your wife are still together strong after 12+ years...until you become an ugly statistic.

Statistics for second marriages are even worse(meaning they end more often) than the ones for first marriages. And if you're wondering about the statistics for third marriages...all hope for your married life is over.


Ok, here is my link to kung fu so that the mods don't delete this with the other "suck!" threads.

Is it realistic for a teacher and student to be married to each other for many many years or even a lifetime? Is it okay for a student to take a few years off from training from a sifu to do other styles and then come back to reevaluate?

I've often heard that a true teacher lets his students go and come when they need since they are there for guidance. That's true strength of character. Ok...here comes the sarcasm. You were warned! The above sentence may be an IDEAL teacher but does any teacher truly fall into this ideal completely? Is there a teacher out there who wouldn't lose it if he saw his student practicing something learned from another school and something the teacher doesn't believe in? Especially if the teacher doesn't like his student's new teacher?

Now I'm going to turn this on the sifus. If a sifu expects a student to remain faithful for years to come what are his responsibilities to this student? Is this sifu supposed to remain a close enough distance so that his student doesn't have to drive for hours to see him? Does a sifu have to be his lifetime student's personal coach? The traditional model of the teacher showing a student something and then leaving to let him work on it may work for the masses but can a sifu do this to a lifetimer? Should this rule be abandoned completely?

[TenTigers]

ok, so are you venting about your love life, or your issues with your Sifu?
or are you in love with your Sifu...ecch, nevermind.

[SavvySavage]

It's funny you asked that. I didn't consider people would think this till after I was all done. I'm not married and don't think I ever will be. My girlfriend and I don't believe in marriage. What prompted this post was the recent divorce of someone I know. The person in question left his first wife for another woman and is now divorcing the woman he left his woman for. Or maybe she's divorcing him. I gots no idea.

I have very few issues with my Sifu. Everyone has issues with their teachers and students. Two people, the smallest group that can be formed, are the most unstable group. Polygamy!! I was just trying to link it to kung fu since this is a kung fu forum.

[GreenCloudCLF]

First: As per US census information, divorce rates have dropped steadily since 1990.

Second: I love my wife, and getting married was the best decision I have made in my life.

Third: In no way would I compare my instructor to my wife.

[SavvySavage]

Prob not cause I have to get up early.

Divorce rates have been dropping steadily? Hate to tell you but not many people stay married these days.

You love your wife now but we'll talk again in about 10 years. That'll be a good test to see if you become a divorce statistic or a stayed married statistic.

It wouldn't be good to compare your wife to your instructor unless they look alike. In that case I hope you have a hot instructor! I'm glad marriage is working out for you but sadly it has not for many people I know. This is not a generalization! People that were married aren't anymore. It's sad.

I was comparing the relationship of married people to the relationship of a sifu and student.


Lighten up, man!

[GreenCloudCLF]

Prob not cause I have to get up early.

Divorce rates have been dropping steadily? Hate to tell you but not many people stay married these days.

You love your wife now but we'll talk again in about 10 years. That'll be a good test to see if you become a divorce statistic or a stayed married statistic.

It wouldn't be good to compare your wife to your instructor unless they look alike. In that case I hope you have a hot instructor! I'm glad marriage is working out for you but sadly it has not for many people I know. This is not a generalization! People that were married aren't anymore. It's sad.

I was comparing the relationship of married people to the relationship of a sifu and student.


Lighten up, man!

I provided US Census stats on my point. Perhaps you should e-mail the census department and tell them they are wrong, because you say so. Alternatively, you could provide some kind of statistics to back up what you are saying...

[Kansuke]

I'm not married and don't think I ever will be. .

Ya don't say! Who would have guessed...

[TenTigers]

people don't stay married because it is too easy to just get a divorce, and leave. To me, this shows a breakdown in society's family values. That, and people get married too soon, too young, and for the wrong reasons.
Not that I am one to talk.
Funny thing-I have had several long term relationships-which ended.
It takes a long time to really get to know someone.( And then, to accept them for their behaviors. But, then again, it takes a long time before certain truths come out as well. Just as it is with any friendship.)

Once the "honeymoon stage" is over, couples take each other for granted, because they have gotten too comfortable. They stopped courting each other. I feel, you should be on yur best behavior-always. That courting stage should go on forever.
That means you shouldn't poop with the door open, and open the window afterwards. (remember the first time you had to go to the bathroom at your GF's house? Remember the paranoia?) It also means you should stay well-groomed, unless you are doing yardwork or something.

Likewise, your wife should maintain her appearance as well. Nobody likes to go out with their woman, dressed to the nines, and then go back home, looking foward to an evening of lovemaking, and she emerges from the bathroom with her make-up off and in her sweats. She didn't do that when you were dating, right?
My mom, who is in her late seventies, does not go out of the house withjout her make-up, and well dressed. She even came down to breakfast groomed, as did my dad. On their fiftieth wedding anniversary, they had a nice dinner at a restaurant, and went home and made love. (eww!)
Sure they had their issues, all couples do. but they knew how to maintain a marraige. They never argued in public, and never put each other down.

A relationship between a Sifu and a student is no different. It should never be so comfortable that the teacher/student relationship is affected. A Sifu should never take his students for granted.
I used to be good friends with my Sifu. We went out, we caroused together, our GF's and wives hung out, but in class, it was always, "Sifu."
To this day, although we are no longer training together, whenever I see him, I always treat him with respect, and always call him,"Sifu."

[Vajramusti]

FWIW: I was married to a beautiful great lady for 40 years. Tomorrow will be 12 years since her death.Miss ya babe. We gave each other space for developing our key interests...she was involved in community service and yours truly in martial arts and sports and teaching. We bridged differences in culture,
language, and religion. We were united in keeping an extended family going, raising the kids
and in politics.
Oh those great Hammerstein lyrics and his partner's music..."Some Enchanted Evening, you may see a stranger across a crowded room..... you know even then, you will see her again and again".

joy chaudhuri

[Kansuke]

FWIW: I was married to a beautiful great lady for 40 years. Tomorrow will be 12 years since her death.Miss ya babe. We gave each other space for developing our key interests...she was involved in community service and yours truly in martial arts and sports and teaching. We bridged differences in culture,
language, and religion. We were united in keeping an extended family going, raising the kids
and in politics.
Oh those great Hammerstein lyrics and his partner's music..."Some Enchanted Evening, you may see a stranger across a crowded room..... you know even then, you will see her again and again".

joy chaudhuri

Good on you, man. Good on you.

[AdrianK]

Is it realistic for a teacher and student to be married to each other for many many years or even a lifetime?

Romantically?
Theres a reason established universities do not allow student and teacher relationships. Its such a ridiculous abuse of power to take advantage of your student.

A Sifu of mine once told me, don't **** where you eat.

Is it okay for a student to take a few years off from training from a sifu to do other styles and then come back to reevaluate?

No teacher can claim to know everything or even most of everything relevant to learn in martial arts. Martial arts comprise so many extensive subjects that keep growing in our understanding of them on a daily basis, that its practically impossible to achieve in our lifetime.

[GeneChing]

Ghost marriages. Creepy Chinese customs.

Theft of corpses on the rise in Chinese villages

POSTED BY: GOPI FEBRUARY 23, 2016

Beijing, Feb 23 (IANS) Theft of corpses is on the rise in rural Shanxi as the old custom of "ghost marriage" has resurfaced in the northern Chinese province.

Shanxi's Hongtong County has reported at least three dozen thefts of female corpses in the last three years, Xinhua news agency quoted police officer Lin Xu as saying.

In ghost marriage rituals, female skeletons are reinforced with steel wires and clothed before they are buried alongside dead bachelors as "ghost brides."

Failure to find a burial partner for unmarried male relatives is thought to bring bad luck, according to rural folk belief.

Ghost marriage rituals were practiced throughout China's feudal dynasties and were especially popular in the 10th century during the Song Dynasty.

The government ordered people to cease the practice after the founding of the People's Republic in 1949. However, rural Chinese people, who tend to uphold old customs and rituals, have continued the practice using pictures or dummies made of paper or dough.

As wealth has increased, the practice of using real corpses has returned to some rural areas of Shanxi, Henan and Shaanxi provinces.

Chang Sixin, deputy director of the China Folk Literature and Art Association, said there were even matchmaking agents and companies to pair dead bachelors with the corpses of women.

In Quting Village, Jing Gouzi bought a corpse to accompany his older brother, who had remained single until death, in burial.

"I thought of using a woman made of dough, but the old men in our village insisted only real bodies could prevent misfortune," said the villager.

According to Chinese criminal law, those who steal or defile a corpse are subject to up to three years in prison. The light punishment has failed to deter corpse traffickers seeking profit.

A fresh female corpse can fetch up to 100,000 yuan (about $15,600), and even a body that has been buried for decades can be sold for around 5,000 yuan.

Corpse theft is difficult to investigate as it is hard to find evidence, police said.

[boxerbilly]

My marriage SUCKs. 25 years , LOL. Don't get married. RUN !!!!

[boxerbilly]

I got married because I was IN LOVE. And the sex was great. Guess what. IN LOVE is bull**** and one can find or pay for great sex !!! In the long run less problems and cheaper. Say god bye to everything you want to do if it is not your job. Say goodbye to anything you want to buy if it is not needed for everyone. Have fun on those great multi-hour shopping trips where in the end, you get to spend your money on **** you don't, never did, and would skip regardless the price, stuff.

You get yelled at for stuff you did not do, accussed of stuff you never considered doing, blamed for things out of your control.

You'll enjoy the endless *****ing about her job. This girl did this and well, clear your schedual for the next 2 hours. You'll get great at using words like, u-huh, Yep, okay. But just pray she does not ask you what she just said because you really don't pay attention. Keep your mouth shut about anything you do hear. DONT USE LOGIC AND REASON to explain anything. In fact. DONT EXPLIAN ANYTHING. JUST AGREE !

Tell your friends you can never see then ever again. If the pass you in a store, please don't stop to talk to them. She hates all your friends. If she does like one, tell him to please take her off you hands. Sell her as the best but you cant handle her in bed or something good like that.

It wont work but you never know. Maybe one day.

She'll likely have loads of great things to say about your family. Especially your mother. Try your best to avoid beating the **** out of her. It is for the better. Eventually you will become immune to her special talks about mom and the kinfolk. Of course hers are real great. NOT. Now, she is allowed to put her own family down but NEVER do so yourself !

I could go on and on but many here have already lived this. A small handful managed to actually marry there friend. Not without problems but much easier to get along with.

So, avoid falling in love. That feeling is gone in just a few years men. Never say I DO. What that means is you A) Fell in love and are basically under the influence. You are not thinking straight. DO NOT make any life altering choices. SIGN NOTHING ! or B) you think this is the best you will ever get and you settled. TRUST ME, there are a lot more the best I can ever get out there so, have fun with them ! There is no hurry.

Anyway, no one listens to **** like this, I sure did not so see you in 20 when you will have finally started preaching this Gospel.

[boxerbilly]

people don't stay married because it is too easy to just get a divorce, and leave. To me, this shows a breakdown in society's family values. That, and people get married too soon, too young, and for the wrong reasons.
Not that I am one to talk.
Funny thing-I have had several long term relationships-which ended.
It takes a long time to really get to know someone.( And then, to accept them for their behaviors. But, then again, it takes a long time before certain truths come out as well. Just as it is with any friendship.)

Once the "honeymoon stage" is over, couples take each other for granted, because they have gotten too comfortable. They stopped courting each other. I feel, you should be on yur best behavior-always. That courting stage should go on forever.
That means you shouldn't poop with the door open, and open the window afterwards. (remember the first time you had to go to the bathroom at your GF's house? Remember the paranoia?) It also means you should stay well-groomed, unless you are doing yardwork or something.

Likewise, your wife should maintain her appearance as well. Nobody likes to go out with their woman, dressed to the nines, and then go back home, looking foward to an evening of lovemaking, and she emerges from the bathroom with her make-up off and in her sweats. She didn't do that when you were dating, right?
My mom, who is in her late seventies, does not go out of the house withjout her make-up, and well dressed. She even came down to breakfast groomed, as did my dad. On their fiftieth wedding anniversary, they had a nice dinner at a restaurant, and went home and made love. (eww!)
Sure they had their issues, all couples do. but they knew how to maintain a marraige. They never argued in public, and never put each other down.

A relationship between a Sifu and a student is no different. It should never be so comfortable that the teacher/student relationship is affected. A Sifu should never take his students for granted.
I used to be good friends with my Sifu. We went out, we caroused together, our GF's and wives hung out, but in class, it was always, "Sifu."
To this day, although we are no longer training together, whenever I see him, I always treat him with respect, and always call him,"Sifu."

Much of this advice I could not answer to. Yes times have changed. Is that a break down in societies family values? Not sure I agree fully with that. Life is vastly different than way back when. Woman have rights now. I'm sure that was a big PLUS for men when they did not. Do not mistake that to mean, I would prefer the good old days of marriage because I think for most people it sucked too. Only then you could not get divorced. You had to stick it out or off the b--tch. Prior to OJ DNA testing you could likely get away with it. Bad move now. But then, your lady talked back, probably got smacked around a little. To believe that never happened is delusional. People hid their family secrets. Today we have Talkshows. Woman love those things. More people air those things to anyone that wil listen like the lady ahead of you in the checkout talking loud about her man this that and just plain aint no good.

No, I am all for divorce. People make mistake and staying with someone just because you got married is wrong. Makes for misery. Divorce is not easy. It costs a lot and all those things you bought for other people, well you cant keep them. Not that you want to but it would be nice to see the Judge say, he bought it with his money. Belongs to him. Because she can have back the box of cologne all she like. I have 6 of them. Never used a 1.

So, am I getting dicorsed? Well probably no time soon for reasons mentioned above so please, anyone who cares to. Join the ranks of those that made a mistake. But if you ever get married and soon after think, I want a divorce. DO IT THEN ! Before you have kids or property. Because you likely wont have either after.

I do however wish all you all of you man and woman alike a happy, loving , successful marriage. It does happen. Generally when you succumb to her ways.