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Thread: Its amazing how few rights/protections men have as fathers

  1. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by David Jamieson View Post
    Even though you may feel and think that your current is good and will be good even if things fall apart, you should think about that statement. It could be entirely different
    perhaps, but my girlfriend and i are not married and will not get married... if anything, a problem could arise because our three children have an entirely different last name than either of us.
    Things don't always work out.
    i am sorry... i cannot relate to this in my life experience - everything has worked itself out for me... life is perfect.

    Quote Originally Posted by SanHeChuan View Post
    Well you were stupid enough to date and then have a child with this woman, so obviously your judgement is in question.
    i am not disagreeing... i view it more along the lines of progression of the lessons learned in life... i am sure most people can relate to an upgrade of standards as we evolve in our life experience - what was valued earlier in ignorance is now discarded in the trash.

    the system is flawed period.

  2. #17
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    Hello,

    This is a subject which impacts me as well. I have four children, a son who will be 18 in June and lived with me until the end of 2007 when he went to live with mom. During the whole time he lived with me mom was nowhere to be found no support of any kind and could not even make it to visit him.

    Well, when a child is 14, in Georgia at least, they have a say as to where they want to live. He did not want to follow my rules and was hanging out with wanna be thugs. Essentially we had an argument over on of his friends and he pulled a knife on me. I did not hurt him but took the knife away from him. DFAC's got involved and because I had put my hands on him they tried to take him away. Fortunately, my son admitted to pulling the knife on me in court so the Judge did not have any sympathy for him. But, because of his age, they did allow him to go live with his mom in PA. Who, btw, had two convictions, one for three counts of Endangering the Welfare of Minor Children and one for Welfare Fraud.

    Not too long ago I had to start paying child support to the tune of almost $500 a month. This could continue as long as he is in school. Right now he is in the 11th grade and failing every subject but two. He also has a terrible attendence record and he is on Probation for hitting a cop. Now when he lived with me, even with the rebellious attitude, he was an A and B student at school.

    Funny thing is I still have both Physical and Legal Custody according to the courts. I am considering pulling him out of school so his Probation Officer can make him enter a court ordered GED program. But, no matter what his life if pretty much shot.

    I am raising my three daughters as a single dad and they live with me. Technically, mom still has custody but this should be settled on May 17th. The girls lived with mom in Philly for almost two years before coming back to live with me. During that time they missed school and moved about 7-9 times. The year before they came to live with me they were evicted from three different places. Mom has a substance abuse problem and every time I tried to raise my concern for my kids DFAC's acted like I was the problem. At one point when I complained that my children were not attending school, DFAC's tried to say it was my fault and I should make sure they go to school. Keep in mind that I was living in Atlanta at the time and they were living in Philly so I am not sure how I was to insure they made it to school every day

    End result of my girls story is DFAC's eventually figured out mom was the problem and helped to have them sent to me in Georgia. I had them enrolled in school within a couple of days of arriving and set up child care etc. It is difficult and I can not afford a real babysitter so I send them to the Boys and Girls Clubs. Only problem is that they are now going to start closing at 5 PM which makes it even more difficult to provide child care.

    Talk about our system. If I was a woman, no offence intended to anyone, there would be all sorts of resources to help with the child care etc. Shoot, when my ex got out of rehab DFAC's even helped her rent a house and bought her furniture.

    I do not agree that mom should be able to take the tax exemption especially since the IRS does not consider Child Support as income!!!

    Oh well, I am happy my girls are okay and am praying about my son.

    Thanks for letting me vent a bit.
    Peace,

    Dave

    http://www.sifuchowwingchun.com
    Wherever my opponent stands--they are in my space

  3. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sihing73 View Post
    . But, no matter what his life if pretty much shot.
    LOL... and he's in 11th grade?? i was kinda feeling for you for a momemnt until i got to this sentence... what a ignorant mindset to have - like you have quit or given up on your son. i marvel at the lack of faith you have in the concept of natural harmony and balance... then again maybe i am the one who is out of touch with YOUR reality. i live a life where it is perfectly flawed, because this is where the lessons are taught and learned - where we evolve on a level of matured experience... anyone who might have known me when i was 18 would have thought that i was pretty ****ing lost in life too, but it's when we become hopelessly lost, that we discover our true self... each of us has a purpose in life, to lose faith in that is about as ignorant as one can become... please excuse my rant.

  4. #19
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    I learned early in life that you fix what you can, and stand down and cut your loses on those things you can not fix.
    I went through divorce with a child involved. I took custody of him and gained a judgement of child support from my ex-wife. Unusual, but I did. She owes me a huge fortune as she never paid a cent. I made her a deal and she was happy to take it. I would not take her money if she would ride off into the sunset. 40 years later that son went through not one, but two divorces in just a few years. He managed to maintain custody of his children from each marriage. It can be done. You got to quite being a victim. If you act like a victim you will be victimized. They will break you over like a shotgun and load you up.

  5. #20
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    **** this thread makes me never want to have kids or get married

    I am pork boy, the breakfast monkey.

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  6. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by goju View Post
    **** this thread makes me never want to have kids or get married
    Smart man. If you want a wife and/or kids you should head to another jurisdiction to have them.

    And remember.... the moment you don't hold something in reserve.. you become boring to her.

    *ALWAYS* keep some secrets, some hidden tools, some things she doesn't know about. That way the *sly smile* is truthful and she will be happy, trying to figure out what she doesn't know.

    Being happy knowing something entirely is more often a masculine trait. Women like not knowing, and not admitting it.

    Half the reason many women are attracted to "bad boy" types is because they hold something back, they aren't trustworthy.

    Think of it as a Yin-Yang duality riddle.

    By pretending to be bad, she thinks (eventually) you are good. By pretending to be good, she thinks (eventually) you are bad.

    The problem with the present law is that it's built to constrain bad men, who cannot truly be kept in check by the system. And it makes the good men the system *Can* constrain into victims.
    "The first stage is to get the Gang( hard, solid power). every movement should be done with full power and in hard way, also need to get the twisting and wrapping power, whole body's tendon and bones need to be stretched to get the Gang( hard) power. "
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  7. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by uki View Post
    LOL... and he's in 11th grade?? i was kinda feeling for you for a momemnt until i got to this sentence... what a ignorant mindset to have - like you have quit or given up on your son. i marvel at the lack of faith you have in the concept of natural harmony and balance... then again maybe i am the one who is out of touch with YOUR reality. i live a life where it is perfectly flawed, because this is where the lessons are taught and learned - where we evolve on a level of matured experience... anyone who might have known me when i was 18 would have thought that i was pretty ****ing lost in life too, but it's when we become hopelessly lost, that we discover our true self... each of us has a purpose in life, to lose faith in that is about as ignorant as one can become... please excuse my rant.
    Hi Uki,

    He will be 18 in less than two months, is failing every subject in school but two, has excessive absences and is on Probation for striking a police office.

    Yeah, I'd say his life is going very well

    He certainly could make something of his life, and I hope he does, but not at the way things are currently going.

    I have not given up on him, just am not going to waste my time reaching out if it is not wanted. Doubtless, he will learn the hard way. As his father I just wish it did not have to be that way.

    Also, I have never regretted having children. The issues are not with them and they are a blessing no matter what.........even my son
    Peace,

    Dave

    http://www.sifuchowwingchun.com
    Wherever my opponent stands--they are in my space

  8. #23
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    As his father I just wish it did not have to be that way.

    We all wish for the better for our kids, but in reality lessons learned are usually bought the hard route. I had my issues in the past and had to learn from them, hard lessons, but ones that I will never forget. They are what shape us to be who we are.

    I can kinda see what you are saying about "not reaching out" to your child anymore. Sometimes just letting life happen is the best. But Uki does have a point, don't totally shut out his attempts or totally give up. Always make some kind of attempt for the sake of maybe, just maybe, you might get thought one day, after all he is your son.
    Originally posted by Bawang
    i had an old taichi lady talk smack behind my back. i mean comon man, come on. if it was 200 years ago,, mebbe i wouldve smacked her and took all her monehs.
    Originally posted by Bawang
    i am manly and strong. do not insult me cracker.

  9. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by goju View Post
    **** this thread makes me never want to have kids or get married
    I don't know about the rest of these guys, but I was hoping that would be the yield of such a thread.

    No little gojus!

    That would just herald the end of the world.

    also, Lee Chang Po makes perfect sense (another sign of the end of time i think! ) and I agree with his assessment.

    I went through a custody battle as well.
    be calm, stick to the facts and remain upright and don't be a victim.

    I'm reading a lot of emotional baggage in some of these posts quite frankly. Let that stuff go. You'll get further without that unneeded burden on your back.
    Kung Fu is good for you.

  10. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by uki View Post
    perhaps, but my girlfriend and i are not married and will not get married... if anything, a problem could arise because our three children have an entirely different last name than either of us.
    Why don't they have either your name or hers?
    He most honors my style who learns under it to destroy the teacher. -- Walt Whitman

    Quote Originally Posted by David Jamieson View Post
    As a mod, I don't have to explain myself to you.

  11. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by MasterKiller View Post
    Why don't they have either your name or hers?
    They stole'm
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  12. #27
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    Kinda crazy, when I posted this I didn't think there would be much interest let alone so many similar stories...

  13. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by MasterKiller View Post
    Why don't they have either your name or hers?
    we gave them a combined last name of our two last names... kinda like a mutant hybrid name... MUWHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! seriously... we took the first 4 letters of her last name and the last 3 letters of my last name and smooshed them together to make a new name.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lee Chiang Po View Post
    You got to quite being a victim. If you act like a victim you will be victimized.
    excellent advice.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sihing73 View Post
    Also, I have never regretted having children. The issues are not with them and they are a blessing no matter what.........even my son.
    aye mate... children are a blessing in all their many shapes and forms...

    Quote Originally Posted by Dragonzbane76 View Post
    We all wish for the better for our kids, but in reality lessons learned are usually bought the hard route. I had my issues in the past and had to learn from them, hard lessons, but ones that I will never forget. They are what shape us to be who we are.
    more excellence!!!
    I can kinda see what you are saying about "not reaching out" to your child anymore. Sometimes just letting life happen is the best. But Uki does have a point, don't totally shut out his attempts or totally give up. Always make some kind of attempt for the sake of maybe, just maybe, you might get thought one day, after all he is your son.
    back when i was 18, my dad pretty much gave up on me too... LOL... it's nice to be able to smile and tell him "see, there was never anything to worry about... i learned my lessons on my own and am doing just fine now... a prophet once said, "if you love your children, you will let them go."

    Quote Originally Posted by SoCo KungFu View Post
    Kinda crazy, when I posted this I didn't think there would be much interest let alone so many similar stories...
    see what happens when you don't think first?? LOL

    despite the strife my ex has caused me, i will give her this... last year she completely cancelled all child support - the slate has been wiped clean... no more 500 dollars a month and no back arrears to pay off - obviously this was to make her look better to the courts. either way, i guess she figures i would quit or give up... LOL... i'm like a comet coming from behind the sun - when no one is paying attention thru all the glare... BAM!!!

  14. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sihing73 View Post

    He will be 18 in less than two months, is failing every subject in school but two, has excessive absences and is on Probation for striking a police office.
    that doesnt mean hes doomed. just for food for though, let me paint a picture for you.

    at 18, i was already a high school drop out, was living on the streets on and off for several years at that point. had several dead end jobs but was not working. was involved with some very shady and bad people, was doing shady and bad things.

    now, at 30, im a professional working adult in a position to develop a career in my field of work if i so choose. I decided by myself and for myself to change my life. I got my GED, I went through temp agencies and other dead end jobs until i was able to situate myself into a position where my good nature and work ethics would lead me to an opportunity. when the opportunity came, i took it. Now i'm doing well for myself.

    i was an extremely troubled youth. i abandoned my family and they me at the age of 15. i wasnt perfect but i was NEVER supported by my step mother or mostly absent father.

    the best piece of advice i could ever give you coming as someone who matured through a similar situation as your son is, just be there. stay open, and be supportive when he eventually, if he does, show an interest in turning things around. he may not want or need it now, but he will be grateful later in life that you remained open for him. I would have. i still have only spoken with my father since I was 15 once.

    ive spent half my life without any family at all because my family gave up hope on me when i was still a kid....

    I however did not come to this decision until i was 20. when things were the darkest, i finally saw the light. it wasnt until I had lost everything that i found the something worth fighting for. for some of us, we simply need life to teach us the truth.
    For whoso comes amongst many shall one day find that no one man is by so far the mightiest of all.

  15. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by goju View Post
    **** this thread makes me never want to have kids or get married
    Some of us are happily married with great kids.
    Never be critical of something that people **** up, be critical of the people.
    Marriage is a fine thing, between people that love and like each other, people that marry for the right reasons and people that understand that that what they see is what they get.
    Too many people marry for all the wrong reasons then blame marriage, as if a THING can be blamed for what people do with it.
    Sometimes people just grow apart and don't wanna be with each other anymore, it can be just that simple, and in those case things usually happen in a amicable way.
    Crap happens when people resent each other.
    The problem with the law is that it is out dated and to often, politically motivated.
    Psalms 144:1
    Praise be my Lord my Rock,
    He trains my hands for war, my fingers for battle !

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