Duty of Care

[joedoe]

Another symptom you can look for is a ridiculous look on its face. For example:



Shows a goktimus that has either:

a) Stuck its head up its bum too often
b) Masturbated too often
c) Given too many blow jobs to 5startprayingmantises and mercilessfighters.
d) Stuck something too large up his bung hole.

or any combination of the above.

Hope this helps.

[Fish of Fury]

i've noticed it's bung hole doesn't snap shut as readily as i believe it should.
what causes this? how can i remedy the situation?

[Budokan]

The UPS man delivered my Goktimus today. He was real cute all cuddled up in the delivery box but we had a heck of a time coaxing him to remove his face from the crack of his a$$. Finally he settled down and we wanted to feed him since it was going on about suppertime. Sadly, the care and feeding manual wasn't included with the packing material so now we are at a loss.

Of course, he shows a propensity for licking toilet bowl water, but what about something more substantial for his tummy?

By the way, we're being very careful of his forearms so as not to bruise them, but apparently he bumped them on the styrofoam packing when he was being delivered and now constantly complains about his bruised and sore arms and how we failed in our "duty of care."

I'd hate to return him since he just arrived, but what do we do now? Any responses will be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

K. Mark Hoover

[joedoe]

Loss of elasticity in the rectal area is a serious problem for goktimi. It is usually a result of too much internal self inspection, or fisting.

Well, the first thing to do is get its head/fist/friend out of its bum.

As a preventative measure, keep all 5starprayingmantises and mercilessfighters and bestallstyles away from you goktimus for at least 3 months.

For a few weeks, you will find that your goktimus' bung hole will howl a little every time the wind blows. This is normal - kind of like the wind howling through a railway tunnel. Actually very similar.

Add a little more chilli, mustard, and curry into your goktimus' diet. This will help to warm up the rectal muscles to help regain elasticity. If this doesn't work, at least it will teach him what him arse is for.

After a few weeks, introduce more cheese into the diet, particularly mozarella or brie. This will add elasticity to the muscle tissue (cos everyone knows how springy mozarella can be), and provide calcium to strengthen the bones and avoid bruising.

Then gradually ease him back into his normal diet of dung. I assume you are using the standard dung mixture for his diet?

You should notice a marked improvement in his anal elasticity if you stick to this program.

Hope this helps.

[fiercest tiger]

hahahahahahaha

peace

bakmeimonk@hotmail.com

[joedoe]

A goktimus' diet consists mainly of dung. That is part of what makes them such a wonderful pet to have.

The mixture I usually use is 1 part human dung, 1 part cow dung (for the roughage and fibre), and 1 part pig dung (because it has a good all round balance). Add to this some cheese (calcium to make the bones strong and avoid bruising), and a healthy dose of ignorance.

This has been found to be more than adequate for the average goktimus. It has been developed using modern medical science, not mystical mumbo jumbo.

It is also good to throw in a handful of semen now and then as a treat. They really like that.

If he is a very young goktimus, you should be pretty strict on him to start with. Letting them get away with too much at first can lead to all sorts of problems when they grow up. Mostly, it can result in increased law suits, excessive bruising, strained ligaments, and an over inflated sense of self worth.

Hope this helps.

[fiercest tiger]

head like a ******* pig, hahahahahaha!

peace

bakmeimonk@hotmail.com

[Shaolin Temple]

Look here goktimus/ego maximus/bestallstyle/calmguru/5 star praying mantis/mercilessfighter...****!!! Forgive my French but how many more personalities are you going to create?

Have you had enough fun stirring up trouble everywhere? This forum is for discussion of style, art, philosophy and betterment of the beauty of Kung Fu. Do you need to start more useless threads?

Hey everybody, the @rsehole have started new threads in other discussions!!!

For those of you who are out there and are beginning to get annoyed with this @rsehole...there's only so much a monk can tolerate...Amitabha...check Muhammed's reply in

http://forum.kungfuonline.com/1/OpenTopic?q=Y&a=tpc&s=126197291&f=196199028&m=7191 9378 21

http://forum.kungfuonline.com/1/Open...8891902621&p=5

and Goose's reply in:

http://forum.kungfuonline.com/1/OpenTopic?q=Y&a=tpc&s=126197291&f=196199028&m=8891 902621&p=3


That photo had just put me off food...that's enough vegetables for me today...
------------------------------------------------

Which Shaolin is authentic. North or South.
As Sifu would say...there is no permanence and there should not be any discrimination.
The point is therefore, who cares.
The more Shaolin there are, the better. Be civilized and chivalrous in your behaviour. As martial artists, we are supposed to not forget that we learn this art to help others and ourselves in times of need...not be a thug!!!
Amitabha.

[joedoe]

Shaolin Temple, this thread is no longer serious. Either get frivolous or get out :).

[Budokan]

Goktimus Does Dallas

Deep Goktimus

High Ballin' With Goktimus

(Of course, no women were involved in the making of these films, but many Goktimi had their forearms bruised as a result. However, they have contacted their lawyers and we will keep you informed as to the court date.)

K. Mark Hoover

[Fish of Fury]

yeah, that styrofoam can be a real b@stard.you can develop their strength by getting them to tackle sponges.

i dropped my goktimus on it's head when i first took delivery, and it has definitely been acting weird ever since.i tried shaving it's butt and getting it to walk backwards but to be honest i can not really tell if it's doing it or not.

shaolin temple. this forum is for serious discussion? really? oh, ****. oh well, too late now :rolleyes:

[joedoe]

I'd like to introduce to you the latest in software technology. Mickeysoft's Goktimus 2001.

If you need to streamline your business processes to maximise your bottom line, run this up the flag pole with your management you will find there are synergies to be had.

Here are some of the things Goktimus 2001 can help your business with:

1) Legal issues. Goktimus 2001 is well versed in selected portions of the law. He can sprout details about many points of law such as the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, and an individual's ability to waive their rights. If all else fails, it can initiate legal action without you having to do anything.

2) Research & Development. Goktimus 2001 knows everything, thus slashing your research and development costs to zero. If there is a grey area in your knowledge, Goktimus 2001 can clear that up because everything is clear cut for Goktimus 2001. Using the latest in modern scientific techniques, Goktimus 2001 can solve all your R&D problems.

3) Security. Goktimus 2001 is able to provide the best security around. Known as the 'Bruiser' plug in, Goktimus 2001 can now enforce physical security in your workplace using its most superior 5 star praying mantis techniques. These techniques are over 300 years old and can kill using devastating strikes and killing speed. Even modern scientific methods couldn't improve on this.

4) Sales. Goktimus 2001, by combining its all-knowing knowledge base with its natural charisma, and sometimes its 'Bruiser' plug in, can land you even the toughest of sales.

5) Training. Goktimus 2001 is a qualified teacher and understands his DUTY OF CARE. Combined with it all encompassing knowledge base, you have the perfect trainer for your staff.

6) Medical. Goktimus 2001 has a medical plug in as well. Combined with it knowledge base and modern scientific methods, Goktimus 2001 can address all your medical needs. No mystical mumbo jumbo or magical dit da cures here. Just solid modern stuff.

So contact me now for your copy of Goktimus 2001. If you already have Goktimus 2001 and have any questions regarding the product, don't hesitate to contact me. Our operators are standing by the phone now.

[This message was edited by ABandit on 02-19-01 at 09:11 PM.]

[This message was edited by ABandit on 02-19-01 at 09:15 PM.]

[Phreak]

I have a problem with printing. Please log my call to be of utmost importance. The letters are coming out smudged at the beginning of the page, and proceeds to get worst to the point where it loks much like a slug that has been bathing in ink has walked through it.
As far as I have noticed, it has cloned itself and made 5 extra copies, each with a different font style.
Also my CPUs are getting retardedly warm.

I demand my money back !

If its a silent ****, let there b more silent

[joedoe]

Are you sure you are using ink and not dit da?

This problem is probably not the fault of Goktimus 2001. Sounds more like your printer manufacturer has used some mystical mumbo jumbo and has given you a sub-standard product. Could even be bruising of the paper.

Also, it sounds like the operating system you are using is failing in its duty of care. If it was a competent operating system, then there would be no problems with fonts etc.

I would suggest taking legal action. Don't try tof ix it yourself otherwise you may suffer STRAINED LIGAMENTS. Talk to your lawyer and get the manufacturers of your equipment to fix it.

[Fish of Fury]

ABandit

is it possible to bonsai a goktimus. i've seen this done with kittens and thought it might be fun to have a goktimus shaped like a donut.