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Thread: your own kung fu cult

  1. #16
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    a white man is technically an albino black woman

    Honorary African American
    grandmaster instructor of Wombat Combat The Lost Art of Anal Destruction™®LLC .
    Senior Business Director at TEAM ASSHAMMER consulting services ™®LLC

  2. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by bawang View Post
    a white man is technically an albino black woman
    What if I'm half indian and a hint of black?

  3. #18
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    It's called, "with a twist."
    "My Gung-Fu may not be Your Gung-Fu.
    Gwok-Si, Gwok-Faht"

    "I will not be part of the generation
    that killed Kung-Fu."

    ....step.

  4. #19
    Quote Originally Posted by donjitsu2 View Post
    My cult would only have women. We would oil wrestle and talk about Battlestar Galatica.
    donjitsu for the win!

    Luv'n my netflix for the ability to have BsG marathons every night!

  5. #20
    check out pptv (chinese)

    just watched god of wealth guest house (cai shen ke zhan, 2011).

    it is modeled after dragon gate inn (long men ke zhan).

    if I had a cult or following

    then it would be to watch xu xia novel/drama/opera/movie

    and explain what you learn

    not about fighting, because they are choreographed and out of this world.

    but about characters

    justice, loyalty, faith, love your country (patriotism)

    like marine credo and more

    etc etc

  6. #21
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    We have a saying.

    It goes:

    If it's not Scottish, it's Crrrrrrrap!

    So, my cult would also have basket swords, targes, kilts, pipes, haggis and defiance.

    lot's of defiance.
    Kung Fu is good for you.

  7. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by David Jamieson View Post
    We have a saying.

    It goes:

    If it's not Scottish, it's Crrrrrrrap!

    So, my cult would also have basket swords, targes, kilts, pipes, haggis and defiance.

    lot's of defiance.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G1tJJO_pVvQ


    I am pork boy, the breakfast monkey.

    left leg: mild bruising. right leg: charley horse

    handsomerest member of KFM forum hands down

  8. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by David Jamieson View Post
    We have a saying.

    It goes:

    If it's not Scottish, it's Crrrrrrrap!

    So, my cult would also have basket swords, targes, kilts, pipes, haggis and defiance.

    lot's of defiance.
    If you can say
    "It's a braw bricht moonlicht nicht"
    Then you're a richt de ye ken

  9. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by goju View Post
    lol @ "effete wankers".... so true...I mean sa trrrru
    Kung Fu is good for you.

  10. #25
    First, I would get myself a few pictures of me Jumping off of a roof top doing a side kick. Then I would manufacture stories about living with tigers and such. Then I would tell them I was the Champion of all Asia and charge them sick amounts of money for all sorts of made up courses, from regular course, to "Special Private" to Olympic course, and Black Belt courses, as well as supper expensive "Instructor's course"

    I would go on and on about how simple stance training sets are the most advanced martial arts of all time, and profess to teach a form called "Ocean form" (that is really made out of badly done, uncorrected mantis moves) that is 14 hours long, non stop, never repeating a move twice. However, I wold never teach more than a hundred moves of it, and mix the form up every time I taught it because I forgot what i made up the time before.

    Then I would make up a "Tiger Form" (using the previously mentions Mantis techniques) and say that is what I learned when I lived in the cave with Tigers.

    I would also claim to teach 8 complete martial arts, as one, and never do more than teach parts of stuff I stole from Jackie Chan movies.

    I would make ridiculous claims that my style is the original martial art, and all others came from it.

    I would make up a form from watching old Honk Kong Kung Fu flicks. Then years later I would rename it "Tai Chi Chung", even though it has no resemblance to real Tai Chi at all.

    I would start teaching a style called Bagua that I saw at a school when I still lived in Korea. However, since I only learned the first few moves, I'd just make up the rest. Hey, so long as they are walking in a circle when they do my made up nonsense, who's to know right?


    I would create a compound and have all my servants *Ahem* I mean Instructors live there with me.

    I would have people teaching for me for free, while working 2 and 3 jobs, only to hand thier paychecks over to me for magic Sip Pal Gey lessons.

    I would make sure said teachers, who were born in the US speaking perfect English, learned to speak Pidgin English like a Korean with a heavy accent who never fully learned the language.

    I would make students and instructors go buy me food, on thier dime, and never say thank you to them because I am an arrogant F u c


    I would have my head regional instructors threaten to kill Pam Zeckman from channel 2 news, for exposing my cult to the world.

    I would lastly, cry like a little girl and hide behind the couch when the feds raid my home...



    Oh Snap!! John C Kim did that already!! never mind!!
    Last edited by RD'S Alias - 1A; 08-24-2011 at 09:30 PM.

  11. #26
    Just so everyone knows, the above is a true story. In reality it's only a small fraction of what really went on. For more information, buy "Herding the Moo", by Joe Smith. Find it on Amazon.

  12. #27
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    you never left chung moo

    you project your cult mentality on shaolin now

    Honorary African American
    grandmaster instructor of Wombat Combat The Lost Art of Anal Destruction™®LLC .
    Senior Business Director at TEAM ASSHAMMER consulting services ™®LLC

  13. #28
    Quote Originally Posted by bawang View Post
    you never left chung moo

    you project your cult mentality on shaolin now
    Now Bawang, that was just mean!

  14. #29
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    This guy...

    Oh and by the way - that article needs work. Weasel words abound, neutrality not achieved.
    Last edited by SimonM; 08-25-2011 at 07:00 AM.
    Simon McNeil
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    Be on the lookout for the Black Trillium, a post-apocalyptic wuxia novel released by Brain Lag Publishing available in all major online booksellers now.
    Visit me at Simon McNeil - the Blog for thoughts on books and stuff.

  15. #30
    Quote Originally Posted by SimonM View Post
    Yup, that is who I was talking about.

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