Originally Posted by
RD'S Alias - 1A
First, I would get myself a few pictures of me Jumping off of a roof top doing a side kick. Then I would manufacture stories about living with tigers and such. Then I would tell them I was the Champion of all Asia and charge them sick amounts of money for all sorts of made up courses, from regular course, to "Special Private" to Olympic course, and Black Belt courses, as well as supper expensive "Instructor's course"
I would go on and on about how simple stance training sets are the most advanced martial arts of all time, and profess to teach a form called "Ocean form" (that is really made out of badly done, uncorrected mantis moves) that is 14 hours long, non stop, never repeating a move twice. However, I wold never teach more than a hundred moves of it, and mix the form up every time I taught it because I forgot what i made up the time before.
Then I would make up a "Tiger Form" (using the previously mentions Mantis techniques) and say that is what I learned when I lived in the cave with Tigers.
I would also claim to teach 8 complete martial arts, as one, and never do more than teach parts of stuff I stole from Jackie Chan movies.
I would make ridiculous claims that my style is the original martial art, and all others came from it.
I would make up a form from watching old Honk Kong Kung Fu flicks. Then years later I would rename it "Tai Chi Chung", even though it has no resemblance to real Tai Chi at all.
I would start teaching a style called Bagua that I saw at a school when I still lived in Korea. However, since I only learned the first few moves, I'd just make up the rest. Hey, so long as they are walking in a circle when they do my made up nonsense, who's to know right?
I would create a compound and have all my servants *Ahem* I mean Instructors live there with me.
I would have people teaching for me for free, while working 2 and 3 jobs, only to hand thier paychecks over to me for magic Sip Pal Gey lessons.
I would make sure said teachers, who were born in the US speaking perfect English, learned to speak Pidgin English like a Korean with a heavy accent who never fully learned the language.
I would make students and instructors go buy me food, on thier dime, and never say thank you to them because I am an arrogant F u c
I would have my head regional instructors threaten to kill Pam Zeckman from channel 2 news, for exposing my cult to the world.
I would lastly, cry like a little girl and hide behind the couch when the feds raid my home...
Oh Snap!! John C Kim did that already!! never mind!!