Shifu
some more editing done on our commercial. hope it looks ok, I feel we need more combat and also more practical easier stuff to showcase, for the newbies but I am open to suggestions crsitisim and opinions. thank you all for viewing.
http://www.youtube.com/kungfuusabuff.../6/5OjVDuS3pLQ
KUNG FU USA
www.eightstepkungfu.com
Teaching traditional Ba Bu Tang Lang (Eight Step Praying Mantis)
Jin Gon Tzu Li Gung (Medical) Qigong
Wu style Taiji Chuan
Teacher always told his students, "You need to have Wude, patient, tolerance, humble, ..." When he died, his last words to his students was, "Remember that the true meaning of TCMA is fierce, poison, and kill."
GM of Hadaka Korosu
If you are aiming this a kids and teenagers, which seems to be the case, perhaps footage of kids and teenagers actually fighting may be a good thing to add.
Since you imply Self-defense, some footage of SD training would be good also.
Psalms 144:1
Praise be my Lord my Rock,
He trains my hands for war, my fingers for battle !
Loud City
I like it, but 1:14 is long for a commercial. You should be aiming for 30 seconds.
He most honors my style who learns under it to destroy the teacher. -- Walt Whitman
Originally Posted by David Jamieson
Ninja Vanish!!
Good commercial, but yeah, I would shorten it just a bit. Oh, and have a few more seconds of that hot chick and maybe a few others, it's all about the hotties!
"The hero and the coward both feel the same thing, but the hero projects his fear onto his opponent while the coward runs. 'Fear'. It's the same thing, but it's what you do with it that matters". -Cus D'Amato
(. Y .)
I'd say that with the "bullying" message as a header, I'd go with Sanjuru's suggestion of showing kids in the video. This one seems to be more adult oriented, which is great. Good action, right choice of music... personally I'm not one to go with wipe transitions unnecessarily - those would be where the screen splits to reveal the next shot - Also, this is good for youtube and facebook at 2:10 in length, but if you want to run it on spot cable or some other television, you have to cut it to a standard 30 seconds even. And this is just me, but change "ur self" to "yourself" - I can understand wanting to use "ur self" because you're going for that younger demographic and that's more of a text message style, but the adults who usually pay your fees might not get that.
So to sum up:
Use this current text header with a different video that shows kids in action,
Change this video's text header to reflect the excellent action footage of young adults,
The music choice, editing, and footage are great,
and cut another straight 30 second version for broadcast.
Registered User
Not to nit pick, but propper grammer and spelling should be used.
"5 per a day per state are killed" should read "5 per day per state are killed"
"What can you do to help defend ur self" should read "What can you do to help defend yourself?" - I don't think using abberivations like "ur" is a good idea for an advertisement for a business
But that's my opinion. Otherwise, it looks good.
Cheers,
Josh
GM of Hadaka Korosu
One thing though, IF you do use teenagers ( children I would probably not use), show them doing bag work, pad work, padded sparring and rolling and doing actual SD fighting and make sure they are doing all that against a BIGGER "opponent".
Psalms 144:1
Praise be my Lord my Rock,
He trains my hands for war, my fingers for battle !
Shifu
San
Yea I was thinking that I did not do the header or text, he did this on his own. I do not teach kids only adults so I definatly have to have him change that.If you are aiming this a kids and teenagers, which seems to be the case, perhaps footage of kids and teenagers actually fighting may be a good thing to add.
gottcha yea I gott change the text to better suit adults.Use this current text header with a different video that shows kids in action,
Change this video's text header to reflect the excellent action footage of young adults,
The music choice, editing, and footage are great,
and cut another straight 30 second version for broadcast.
LOL wow didnt even notice that, to busy with looking at the context and not the wording whoopsNot to nit pick, but propper grammer and spelling should be used.
thank you guys for the feedback, back to the editing room.
KUNG FU USA
www.eightstepkungfu.com
Teaching traditional Ba Bu Tang Lang (Eight Step Praying Mantis)
Jin Gon Tzu Li Gung (Medical) Qigong
Wu style Taiji Chuan
Teacher always told his students, "You need to have Wude, patient, tolerance, humble, ..." When he died, his last words to his students was, "Remember that the true meaning of TCMA is fierce, poison, and kill."
Shifu
thank you gus I know its so hard to cut out stuff, I keep sayign no leave that in and that part too. LOL yes more hotties, who cares about he clothes or the fighting? lOL
KUNG FU USA
www.eightstepkungfu.com
Teaching traditional Ba Bu Tang Lang (Eight Step Praying Mantis)
Jin Gon Tzu Li Gung (Medical) Qigong
Wu style Taiji Chuan
Teacher always told his students, "You need to have Wude, patient, tolerance, humble, ..." When he died, his last words to his students was, "Remember that the true meaning of TCMA is fierce, poison, and kill."
GM of Hadaka Korosu
Since it is not about kids I would like to suggest this:
You basically teach a TCMA for the modern world, yes?
Well, you should high light that then.
Maybe some NM forms moves then going to the same moves being done in hard sparring (not demos) and then in a SD application ( street clothes and such).
Psalms 144:1
Praise be my Lord my Rock,
He trains my hands for war, my fingers for battle !
Banned
I like it.
Shifu
good idea sanjuro, yeah he kinda just taped a couple classes for me and editited it up trouble is hes a friend and didnt charge me much so i cant ask him to redo too much, but the wording needs redone for sure, just didtn want it to look cheesy,
thanks ray
KUNG FU USA
www.eightstepkungfu.com
Teaching traditional Ba Bu Tang Lang (Eight Step Praying Mantis)
Jin Gon Tzu Li Gung (Medical) Qigong
Wu style Taiji Chuan
Teacher always told his students, "You need to have Wude, patient, tolerance, humble, ..." When he died, his last words to his students was, "Remember that the true meaning of TCMA is fierce, poison, and kill."
Resigned
if you want to do a commercial, you should do 2 things:
1) figure out if it will actually get you any students (marketing research); only if ur able to ascertain that you will make $ from it, then do it;
2) hire someone professional to do it;
in general, don't have your friends do anything for your business - case in point, as you say, now you feel that you can't ask him to re-edit, and so you are stuck with a commercial that is lacking in professional appeal; I mean, it was riddled w spelling / grammatical errors, the footage sends, at best, an ambiguous message to the potential student, the stats at the beginning don't relate to what is being shown (e.g. - if u talk about people getting murdered, why aren't you showing defense against weapons?); and frankly, the group form stuff is fair at best - they are not moving in unison, and they don't look all that impressive - you have to not see it as a a KF guy, but as a member of the general public who is used to seeing something much more polished via TV and movies, which typically have much better editing that what you have;
I'd scrap it and start over w some realistic market research and a professional approach;
Last edited by taai gihk yahn; 09-16-2011 at 08:41 AM.
Wannabe MMA guy
Beat me to it.
Exactly what I was gonna say.
"If you like metal you're my friend" -- Manowar
"I am the cosmic storms, I am the tiny worms" -- Dimmu Borgir
<BombScare> i beat the internet
<BombScare> the end guy is hard.
Shifu
thanks taai gihk yahn , I really dont want to dump it ansd start over but I see your point. leaason learned about friends helping out to save money, but some commercials want 1000's of dollars for 30 seconds, I am not a rich kung fu teacher so I looked for ways to save money. thanks for all the feedback.
KUNG FU USA
www.eightstepkungfu.com
Teaching traditional Ba Bu Tang Lang (Eight Step Praying Mantis)
Jin Gon Tzu Li Gung (Medical) Qigong
Wu style Taiji Chuan
Teacher always told his students, "You need to have Wude, patient, tolerance, humble, ..." When he died, his last words to his students was, "Remember that the true meaning of TCMA is fierce, poison, and kill."
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