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Thread: Maximum Conviction

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Dec 1969
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    Fremont, CA, U.S.A.
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    Maximum Conviction

    I checked out of Steven Seagal flicks a long time ago, back when he stopped making theatrical films and only did direct-2-DVD. I think my the last one I saw was Exit Wounds, but I can't remember a thing about it, so maybe I never saw it. I post a lot of sass about Seagal here. There was my epic 6-6-6 thread, and of course, the Seagal is at it again which sort of feeds itself, and other odd Seagal threads here - search it if you must. So in all fairness, I thought I'd give his latest a chance.

    This was one of those films that was just bad - not bad enough to be funny - just bad. Given the sets and hardware, and what must have been a huge budget for ammo, it's one of those films that you leave thinking '****, they had all those resources and that was the best they could do?' It's a lot of stalking about in dark hallways with mounted flashlights and laser sights. It has the stupidest laser-triggered mines ever, which leave a web of brilliant red laser beam that you'd have to be blind not to trip. There's a cat fight that makes you want to hit fast forward through.

    Seagal looks bloated, constipated and stiff. His martial arts scenes are these quick-cut patty-cake sequences that are incomprehensible. It's just slappity-slap and somehow his opponent goes flying. He surrounds himself with a lot of beefcake like Stone Cold Steve Austin - the rest of the cast is a full-on gun show and I'm not talking all the full-auto fire fights. I'm talking Herculean steroidal biceps. This makes Seagal look even more out of shape. He should surround himself with hobbits or something.

    Exit Wounds was 12 years ago. Maybe I'll wait another 12 years before checking in with Seagal again.
    Gene Ching
    Publisher www.KungFuMagazine.com
    Author of Shaolin Trips

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Dec 1969
    Location
    new york,ny,U.S.A
    Posts
    3,228
    Quote Originally Posted by GeneChing View Post
    I checked out of Steven Seagal flicks a long time ago, back when he stopped making theatrical films and only did direct-2-DVD. I think my the last one I saw was Exit Wounds, but I can't remember a thing about it, so maybe I never saw it. I post a lot of sass about Seagal here. There was my epic 6-6-6 thread, and of course, the Seagal is at it again which sort of feeds itself, and other odd Seagal threads here - search it if you must. So in all fairness, I thought I'd give his latest a chance.

    This was one of those films that was just bad - not bad enough to be funny - just bad. Given the sets and hardware, and what must have been a huge budget for ammo, it's one of those films that you leave thinking '****, they had all those resources and that was the best they could do?' It's a lot of stalking about in dark hallways with mounted flashlights and laser sights. It has the stupidest laser-triggered mines ever, which leave a web of brilliant red laser beam that you'd have to be blind not to trip. There's a cat fight that makes you want to hit fast forward through.

    Seagal looks bloated, constipated and stiff. His martial arts scenes are these quick-cut patty-cake sequences that are incomprehensible. It's just slappity-slap and somehow his opponent goes flying. He surrounds himself with a lot of beefcake like Stone Cold Steve Austin - the rest of the cast is a full-on gun show and I'm not talking all the full-auto fire fights. I'm talking Herculean steroidal biceps. This makes Seagal look even more out of shape. He should surround himself with hobbits or something.

    Exit Wounds was 12 years ago. Maybe I'll wait another 12 years before checking in with Seagal again.
    what i dont understand is why doesnt he just get a trainer and lose some ****ing weight...its not that hard. **** you can even cheat and get some lypo. but come on dude, you cant be a fat action star...ask ice cube.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Dec 1969
    Location
    CA, USA
    Posts
    4,857
    I made the mistake(s) of watching a couple of Seagal's straight-to-DVD movies, and now those hours in my life are gone forever. One was called Into the Sun (I think). The only reason I watched it was because the fighting bad guy was Ken Lo. But as good as Ken Lo looked in Drunken Master II, even he looked terrible in this one.

    The other film had Seagal fighting some Chinese guy using monkey style in a barber shop. There was a lot of wire work, with the guy 'flying around' the shop, but Seagal still kills him in his typical underwhelming fashion.

    IMO, Seagal's last good movie was, ironically, his entrance into the 'big time', the one with Tommy Lee Jones.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    NW Arkansas
    Posts
    1,392
    I actually liked that movie Above the Law the most. Doesn't he have a crime tv show where he plays a detective or something?

    I tried watching one of his movies a few weeks ago. It was terrible. I lasted about 10 minutes. One of the main bad guys was a Thai tranny
    It is better to have less thunder in the mouth and more lightning in the hand. - Apache Proverb

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