yeah weird thread for the gda.

i recently spent a week in the hospital, and during that time i did a lot of reading, meditating, and general self reflection. i made some small progress in identifying things in my daily life that were completely ego or desire driven without any actual real benifit.

i also have made some smaller progress in letting go of some of these things and while i feel that i'm much calmer and a little more clear on some things, i have also found myself enjoying a few things less.

take porn for instance. i have deleted over half of my porn collection. not because i suddenly dont like porn, but simply because most of it simply wasn't "doing it for me" and i was extremely picky about the quality of my collection to begin with. this might sound really dumb to the lot of you, but my porn collection was something i took very seriously all up to about 10 days ago and now its just kinda meh. it's other things too ... but porn was the first thing i really noticed.

it's not that i really mind .... but that in itself is kinda the problem. it feels more stoic, stale, and dead than empty and open. and i don't think it's the right direction in taoism but i guess i really don't know. i like not getting angry at video games so much anymore, but i'm not as into it either. is this something typical to go through, or am i just weeding out the nonsense in my life? i just always hear about the basic joy and goodness in taoism and im either going about letting go of things in the wrong way (suppressing them) or im looking to the wrong things for joy. or maybe something else all togeather.

does anyone even have a clue as to what im talking about or am i more confused than i think?