Living A Wing Chun Fantasy
The Saga of Hung Lik Me---the Motha' from Ernie's
Speed and Power
Lik Me sat back in his Naugahide covered lounge chair stationed on his red yacht, moored in the Sausalito harbor, momentarily contemplating the Naga, a small upper Midwestern Canadian rodent that makes poor quality, sticky leather. He could afford to waste his time; he was the master of Hung Lik Me Wing Chun, the motha' from Ernie's. He was the self-acknowledged master of time and space. He could stop time, going wherever he desired in virtual reality, because his school and teachings existed only in his mind. Not only had he conquered the laws of the universe, but he had trounced any objections or copyright restrictions.
Tough or Technical
He was neither tough, nor technical, just highly imaginative. His art was the highest expression of martial scientism. His pedagogical technique was simple and straightforward. When someone asked him a question, he attacked, using circuitous logic that frustrated his opponent and gave the illusion of being engaged while in reality, hiding out in the weeds.
As a correspondence school teacher, he knew that his students would bitterly work themselves to death in the attempt to make sense of his “teachings,” all the while accruing credits toward completion of his “deadly”™ Hung Lik Me system, traced back in its lineage to the world’s earliest profession and the red dress period of Yim Wing Chun.
Skeptics would ask “is Hung Lik Me Wing Chun the best Wing Chun?”
“Of course it is,” Lik Me would answer indignently. “It is the best for Lik Me because it is the one I teach and profit mightily from. Granted most of my students are teenage boys with too much money and too little worldly experience, but I can honestly claim to be undefeated in Hong Kong rooftop fighting. In fact, I have never been in a fight and can honestly claim to be undefeated anywhere.” This fact was documented nowhere, so assumed to be true by premier Wing Chum historians Jughead and Sally.
When challenged, Lik Me found it convenient to demand a $100,000 bond to be posted by the challenger and a signed form stating the results of the contest would be decided by a non-traditional 3-D chess game, to which he attributed Taoist origins for his opening gambit, queen takes in all pawns.
Lik Me was especially proud of his Lesson 5B, in which he compares chain punching to the use of proper pawn structure and the mastery of time and space, for the sleight of hand that enables its effective deployment and implementation. Further in Lesson 5B, the patented falling down and rolling on the ground takedown is also described. To demonstrate this, he provides video clips of two Wing Chun proponents slugging it out in slow motion, and ending in the touted “Mounties”™ position of the fourth set.
Although, he took pride in his acquired sobriquet, the “Motha' from Ernie’s,”in reality, he was from Brooklyn by way of Queens, and learned Chinese from a Cantonese cook book, which put him one up on most Wing Chun contemporaries. While he did not himself practice Wing Chun or lift weights (they are too heavy), he did dream of selling his book on doing so, illustrated with clip art he acquired from various martial arts and porno websites.
He planned a line of Wing Chun thongs and high heels, on which another lineage had forgotten to lock up the marketing rights. Although he could not trace his lineage to any actual historical source, he counted his pay-in-advance policy as his greatest achievement.
Last edited by Grendel; 09-23-2002 at 06:28 PM.
Uber Field Marshall Grendel
Mm Yan Chi Dai---The Cantonese expression Mm Yan Chi Dai, translates to "Misleading other people's children." The idiom is a reference to those teachers who claim an expertise in an art that they do not have and waste the time and treasure of others.
Wing Chun---weaponized Chi (c)
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