Describe your nightmare school

[SaMantis]

Superhero costumes.

And "aikido-golf." That was an actual seminar I saw on a flyer.

[Chang Style Novice]

aikido golf is gonna get choked out by bjj golf.

[Hai_To]

CSN,

LOL! Holy crap was that funny.

[LEGEND]

Anythang taught by Martin Lawrence.

[Royal Dragon]

http://www.oomyungdoe.com

Need I say more??

[Ajax]

* 3-year contracts at exorbitant fees, and knowing you were enough of a sucker to pay them
* instructors who are younger in the art than you are (this is pretty lame when you're a first-year student)
* having your classes watered down for out-of-shape students who train three hours / week
* threats of expulsion if you should ever train anything from another style or "reveal" your techniques. That includes sparring with anyone outside of your school / competing in tournaments
* zero-contact point sparring only
* GM is a former Karate champion who claims lineage to an unidentified Shaolin temple in a country he's never been to, calls himself "His Holiness" and dresses like the Pope

Hey wait, that's the school I'm going to.

[neito]

ajax - hehe simons, what city?

[neito]

- well meaning "senior students" who really suck but insist on "helping" you anyway

- no weapons until you are a blackbelt policy

- belts

- fees for anything other than tuition

- red gi's and with black pants or american flag gi's

-patches other than the clubs insignia

-unexplained pictures of bruce lee

-unexplained yellow nunchakus on the wall

-any punch other than the corkscrew is a crime

-people who take offence when they break their toes as they kick your fore-arm

-there is no chance that your partner has been paying attention so there is no chance that the two person drill will work out

-people who crowd during drills such as "three star blocking"

- people who keep saying "yah well what if i do this?" while you are practising a certain set technique then complain when you show them what you would do.

- "clubs" where the students are not "members"

- our ultra specialised high flying acrobatic martial art is for absolutely everyone

[neito]

- spending half the class warming up and stretching even though any person with half a brain could have done it before class

-spending half the class doing conditioning that could have easily been done at home

-lots of yelling

[Ajax]

Neito -- you got it in one. I can't say the city -- THEY may be watching. They may flay me, or cancel my contract. It isn't all bad; at least there's a blackbelt here whose skills are first-rate, I've learned a lot from him. Also the chief instructor is a good guy although he's not a master of the style. When you're starting out it's all about how hard you train anyways, but I do have to watch out that I'm not forming bad habits, 'cos they feed a lot of bad or useless information to us newbies. From what I understand we're not even training Simon's kung fu style -- you're only deemed worthy of that after training three years of whatever this stuff is, kempo karate apparently.

[neito]

ic, i live in edmonton btw

[David Jamieson]

the one that psycho monk goes too

kidding, if he ain't full of it, it sounds like he goes to a pretty good kf school.

anyway, with my current understanding of chinese martial arts, it may seem and sound a bit brash, but I don't think I'd want to attend the greater percentage of schools out there.

So much hogwash, it really isn't in the stars for me.

peace

[neito]

i actually am the victim of a pesky contract also. it is to a good muay thai school though. i just lost interest in there method of training. i train sometimes since i am paying for it though. every month $38 canadian appears on my visa bill. oh well at least i know they are not crooks. its only for 6 more months anyway. and itrained there steadily for 4 months. i start kung fu again soon. woohoo!

[omegapoint]

- head instructor looks like he's been on a hunger strike for a couple of years

- students kiai after every technique

- LACK of realistic forms training and realistic bunkai (application)

- teacher has nystagmus (uncontrollable back-and-forth rapid eye movements while AWAKE), and tells you to use your vision, while staring at someone else

- Your dojo/kwoon/ school smells like "Soup or Salad" joint next door

- class is being taught by an intermediate student, whose spastic sorry arse you could wax

- any g-dammn contract smack

- carpeted training area gives you rug burns and smells like corn chips and feets

- young fat arse students who have been training for years, and still break a sweat walking from one end of the school to the other

- funky gi mofos-- wash your isht and your arse, please!

- school advertises "realistic" or "modern", but the reality is that the realism is lacking regardless of modernity

- spar happy kickboxers thinking that slap-***g-tag is as real as it gets--- about 90% of joints....

There's more, but this is enuff!

[Royal Dragon]

" red gi's and with black pants"

Reply]
HEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!! I used to resemble that remark!!! Well, when I taught for the Youth outreach program anyway. Now I have a spiffy all black Kung Fu uniform with a really cool Dragon on the back!!!!


"head instructor looks like he's been on a hunger strike for a couple of years"

Reply]
Or Worse, the head instructor looks like he NEEDS!! to be on a hunger strike for a couple of years!!!