Training with wimmin! Advice needed.

[Ether]

The class I attend has about 6-8 people in it most days. Only one of these is a woman. She is just over 5 feet tall and of slim (but athletic) build.

On a couple of occasions I have been asked by this woman 'to stop being so rough'. I am VERY conscious of the amount of force I use when training with her. I am very, very careful not to hurt her. She does get bruised occasionaly though. As do I!

Everyone else in the class is male, nearly 6 foot and of medium to heavy build. We all hit each other hard.

Now my question is this. Bearing in mind that this is a 'practical' class, we are learning martial applications and we try to do this with realism as a priority, should I go easier on her (as the rest of the class do to a rediculous extent) or keep on pushing her?

My main concern here is that she is not receiving realistic training as she thinks she can 'defend herself' against men, but I believe that she cannot. And if she never feels even a taste of what a full power punch is like she will get a real shock if she is ever attacked.

Im trying hard to be the best training partner I can to her and would appreciate some advice.

Thanks in advance

[MasterKiller]

It's not really up to you decide if she's getting the best training possible, it's up to her to suck up the pain and get stronger.

If she asks to go light, go light. She will have to deal with the consequences herself.

You could always ask the Sifu to speak to her if you feel strongly about it.

[Robinf]

Being a woman, I understand both of your dilemnas.

Some people just don't care about practicality and are there for exercise first, defense second (or not even at all). Respect her decision for herself and go as light as she wants. It's not your decision how she works out--it's her decision.

[eulerfan]

Is she sort of new?

Are you better than her? Do you have superior technique? I mean, if somebody isn't as good as you, you sort of spar at their level, right? You don't give them all you have. Otherwise you are just embarassing them and not helping them learn, right?

If this is the case and you are sparring at her level, stop that. Whatever strength you remove, replace with something else. Frustrate her. She'll end up wanting to use strength.

If not, if she's been there a while and has the technique, give up. She's made it this far being a wuss and will resist change. Lost cause.

[Ether]

Thanks for the replies. Id basically already decided on the same course of action that you two suggest, but wanted it confirming for me.

Of course my only problem now is not getting riled when she hits me in the guts, full power. She has pretty good technique and fists like daggers. They are so small they almost fit between my ribs!

[MasterKiller]

If she is popping you hard, I say pop her hard, too.

If she can give it, she should be able to take it.

[eulerfan]

H3LL NO!!!

You tell her that you don't know how hard she wants to go and that you'll just match her strength. Let her decide. Then do it. If she hits you hard, hit her back as hard. If she complains, say, "Hey, I was going as hard as you."

That is unacceptable.

[MasterKiller]

I concur.

[Ether]

Originally posted by eulerfan
Is she sort of new?

nope been practising slightly longer than me, although not as often.


Are you better than her? Do you have superior technique? I mean, if somebody isn't as good as you, you sort of spar at their level, right? You don't give them all you have. Otherwise you are just embarassing them and not helping them learn, right?

Agreed. This is what im trying to do, find a balance. She is better than me at some things, worse at others.


If this is the case and you are sparring at her level, stop that. Whatever strength you remove, replace with something else. Frustrate her. She'll end up wanting to use strength.


This is a good idea but she already uses strength and power when attacking, she just cant take the pain back.


If not, if she's been there a while and has the technique, give up. She's made it this far being a wuss and will resist change. Lost cause.

This might be the case

[Shaolin-Do]

I have the same problem not wanting to stick any of the females while sparring... Until I catch a nut shot.
In all honesty, when sparring someone better than me, I want them to go full out. And if they dont, i usually do something to **** them off.

[eulerfan]

I'm at the other end of the spectrum.

I can be covered in purple welts and still say, "Hey! You're not going easy on me on account of the ovaries, are you?"

[Ether]

Yeah I agree that she shouldnt hit harder than she is willing to take, I will have a word about that. The MAJOR problem I have is that she also happens to be my wife! The little monkey knows she can get away with it.

[eulerfan]

Dude, if she's your wife, you should be able to tell her that she won't be able to defend herself in real life if she doesn't know how to take a real punch. You should be able to explain to her that her training isn't realistic.

I would hope the lines of communication in a marriage would be open enough for that.

Talk to her about it. What's the problem?

[Ether]

Originally posted by eulerfan
Dude, if she's your wife, you should be able to tell her that she won't be able to defend herself in real life if she doesn't know how to take a real punch. You should be able to explain to her that her training isn't realistic.

I would hope the lines of communication in a marriage would be open enough for that.

Talk to her about it. What's the problem?

Haha, we have talked about it often. We agree something and then she carries on smacking me and moaning when I smack her back. One problem is that we arent talking free-sparing here, so we have no pads or gloves. We are practising throws, locks and body strikes in this situation. I have to be really carefull. I actually put a lot of her heavy handedness down to lack of control, but then she does have an evil edge also. Id love to get her in a ring with a full suit of padding on though. Ill have to suggest it

[Shaolin-Do]

Yeah dude, gotta be with euler there. If shes your wife you should be able to tell her that her shoes are ugly and you hate the new bedspread she bought.
As for being rough on chicks, lately Ive gotten in the habit of just giving a nice forceful sweep when they get out of hand. Putting them on the ground hard, but not too hard usually warns them away from the junk.
(instead of being too passive, most chicks at our kwoon are devious crotch hunters.)