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Thread: What to do when a woman hits you?

  1. #1
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    What to do when a woman hits you?

    Interesting:
    http://goodmenproject.com/featured-c...girl-hits-you/

    Joseph Kerr wasn’t prepared when his wife became abusive–and the systems in place to help weren’t ready either.
    What do you do when a girl hits you?
    I was sitting across the desk from the child protective services supervisor, who spoke with confidence of things he didn’t know.
    “You’ve been to Iraq, we know all the guys who come back are ****ed up in the head… If you need medication to stay focused or to see someone for mental issues — we know the military just sends you to war and spits you back out on the streets — we can help you with that.”
    That’s one hell of a worm in the water. I had steady hands on my gear as the bullets were flying. My voice was confident when addressing senior leaders no matter the circumstance. Now I wore a nice-guy smile and kept cool as the guy who was going to decide if I was fit to see my daughter again belittled my Marine Corps career and used my stack of medals to weigh the scales against me; to prove my psychosis.
    My hands lay gently on the table; the identification tabs from jail and the hospital were stacked on my left wrist. I turned my head slightly. He’d have to continue to insult my manhood and military service into a baseball-sized lump enveloping my eye.
    “What do you do when a girl hits you? … You wouldn’t just stand there, right? I mean you’re a big guy, you’re a Marine, you’re trained to fight, the Marines wouldn’t teach you to get beat up….”
    Clever.
    Getting hit by a woman is a new kind of scary for me. I can face fear, I can fight scary, but I can’t hit a woman. It’s a prisoner’s dilemma for the assaulted. The guy laughed at me when I said there’s nothing to do except just turn away. I asked what he’d do if I were a woman and started hitting him in this private interview room. “I’d grab your arms and hold you back,” he said. I countered, “that’s going to be tough for you to explain why I’ll have your handprints and bruises on my arms and there’s not a scratch on you.”
    He made a final attempt to reduce me to a crazy-veteran archetype. One more question and I could relieve him of the work required in an actual investigation.
    “So the police thought you were lying, right? That’s why they arrested you. If they believed you they wouldn’t arrest you.”
    Breathe. Think. Pause, not too long. The words have to sound calm. Breathe.
    My marriage wasn’t great. Heck, let’s be straight, it was on the verge of collapse. Probably had been there for at least two years. I was staying for the kids. My wife and I fought (verbally) nearly every time we had more than a few sentences to say to each other. We were roommates with chidden running around. It was horrible, but each weekend I was home and I had my kids. My two awesome kids. I’d take them out as often I could and do anything I could so they didn’t need to be in the middle of their mom and I.
    Finally it was going to end. She wanted to move out of state with the kids and had no interest in discussing sharing custody. “We’re not discussing it, you can’t stop us from leaving. Sign it or I’ll get a lawyer and make you sign it.” She handed me a do-it-yourself version of divorce papers.
    I reached out to some divorce lawyers. This life sucks for me, for the kids, for everyone. What do I do? “It’s a game of chicken in your house now,” the he said. “Neither one of you can leave with the kids, and the first one who leaves without them is a step behind in trying to get custody.”
    Is there a worse possible way to resolve such a pending disaster?
    Then the email confirmation — plane tickets, one adult, two children, one way, leaving soon. Tomorrow morning would be different, but sleeping on the couch was normal. I ended up on the ground next to the stairs. She kicked my head into the solid wood base. I blacked out, came to, stood up, bleeding. My daughter was screaming, “Stop hurting daddy!”
    It was over. We were over. I headed out the door to the police and then the hospital. My daughter stopped me. “Daddy, you need to go to a doctor, here take this,” she handed me a bandage. “I love you” was the last thing I said to her. It’s been almost a month.
    I walked into the police station falling apart. What happened? What will I do next? What happens on Monday? What happens for the rest of my life? How will I explain what just happened to my kids? My head was spinning as much from the injury as from the complete collapse of my home life. I knew the officer, I had came by the night before suspecting that my wife was leaving with the kids, he assumed why I was crying, “hey man, it’s alright, you knew this was going to happen….”
    I pulled off my sunglasses and revealed my bloody face. “Whoa, what the hell happened?”
    I started piecing together what happened. The argument, her throwing the breakfast I was making for the kids on the ground, grabbing my laptop, the stairs, my kids, screaming. I pulled out the Band-Aid and broke down again.
    “Is she hurt? Did you hit her…?” No. Never. I waited.
    “We’re sending a car over there to talk to her.” I waited some more.
    “You wife is telling a bit of a different story, as happens a lot in these situations, she says you threatened her.”
    “We’re going to take you into custody now.”
    “Stand up and put your hands behind your back.”
    An hour later I was handcuffed to a hospital bed waiting for CAT scan results to know if my head was bleeding. I looked at the officer.
    “What do you do when a woman hits you?”
    “I don’t know what to tell you, man” he confided. “We don’t like doing these things, but our hands are tied. We have to look at who is the primary aggressor.”
    Stop Violence Against Women aggregated legal writings and produced a list of determining factors for the primary aggressor. Below is a portion of the list:
    ⁃ The height and weight of the parties
    ⁃ Which party has the potential to seriously injure the other party
    ⁃ Whether a party has a fearful demeanor
    ⁃ Whether a party has a controlling demeanor
    Like most men, I am taller and heavier than my wife. I’m a Marine veteran with combat training. Studies have shown that gender (either biologically or by social framework) plays a role in being fearful. Women are more likely to report being afraid[1].
    In 2006, the spokesman for the New York Mass Transit Authority, Gene Sansone said, “a lot of psychologists agree that people are more receptive to orders from men.”[2] Of the full list of 12 criteria to consider, it seems unlikely the man in any situation wouldn’t have at least these four lined up against him from the moment the police start looking at the evidence. Another third of the list involve prior histories, and the final few ask the officers to weigh the injuries of both.
    The two officers escorting me to and from the hospital and then to central booking didn’t have any advice when I asked what I should have done. “Sorry, man.”
    They never took photographs of the side of my face.
    Thirty hours later I stood in front of a judge and had a county prosecutor argue against me: “His wife is afraid of him. She said he…”
    Released on my own recognizance; order of protection outlaws me from contacting her or my kids for a year.
    A few days later my eye had an almost cartoonish discoloration. I’d gone back to the ER complaining of headaches and the light bothering me. She cleared out my bank account. I was a friend’s couch away from adding to the homeless veteran population — 62,619 + 1.
    I sat across from my lawyer and talked about the other time. She grabbed me and ripped my shirt. Her nails cut my face. I bled. I tried to walk out the door. She blocked the door. I was a gym-every-day, active duty Marine, fearing someone a fraction of my size. If she had a ***** I’d have a dozen ways to put her on the ground. Instead, I was left to sneak out a bedroom window and spend the night in a parking lot.
    I tried the police and now in front of a guy practicing law for nearly as long as I’ve been alive I tried again.
    “What do you do when a woman hits you?”
    “Run. Run and don’t go to the police.”
    That’s it.
    I reached out to a few domestic abuse support groups. “How can this actually be happening? How can I be the one to have been arrested? Why?”
    I spoke to a nice lady on the phone and tried to pass my confusion into a question they were built to answer: legal advice, criminal cases, orders of protection. I was going to have to get rid of this order of protection if I was going to get my kids.
    “Sir, are you calling about domestic violence?” — yes.
    “Okay, we’re going to help you. Has there been an arrest?” — yes, me.
    “Ummm, wait what?”
    Their web site mentioned they deal specifically with custody in cases of domestic abuse. Sounded like exactly whom I needed.
    Then came the second punch. “Do you have custody of the children?” No, that’s why I’m calling.
    “I’m sorry sir, our charter only allows us to help domestic abuse victims who have custody of their children.”
    ...
    Psalms 144:1
    Praise be my Lord my Rock,
    He trains my hands for war, my fingers for battle !

  2. #2
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    Text limits didn't let me post the whole of the link, so please read.

    Imagine you, as a MA, someone that is trained to fight H2H, what would you do? what COULD you do ?
    Psalms 144:1
    Praise be my Lord my Rock,
    He trains my hands for war, my fingers for battle !

  3. #3
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    I've been there once. It wasn't like relationship abuse or anything, just kind of random.

    I was at a local show, a crowd/music mixture of metal and punk rock.

    At one point I was outside in between sets, drinking some wiskey with a small group of people I didn't really know.

    Out of nowhere, this chick I don't even know starts just wailing on me. Not like a regular chick, but throwing fast straight and hook punches at my face.

    Totally blind sided. I remember saying wtf as I backed away and she kept the barrage going. I didn't know what to do, I certainly didn't want to hit her back at this point because she must have been confused and or high/drunk because I didn't know her.

    I ended up clinching her and walking her to a fence and holding her in place, asking her if she was done. When she quit struggling I let her go. Bam she's on me again. So I took her to the ground, mounted her waist and held her wrists and asked wtf she was doing. She cooled down and told me she attacked me because she was bored....

    I later found out she just wanted to see what I would do.

    I learned a couple things though. Restrain her movement, try and calm her, show her without hurting her that you are more physically powerful, it can help calm her down.

    Unless she has a real case of the psycho.

    Punk rock girls are crazy. Yes we had sex.
    For whoso comes amongst many shall one day find that no one man is by so far the mightiest of all.

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lucas View Post
    Punk rock girls are crazy. Yes we had sex.
    This speaks volumes.
    Psalms 144:1
    Praise be my Lord my Rock,
    He trains my hands for war, my fingers for battle !

  5. #5
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    volumes indeed

    So in that scenario, the proper response would be "Thank you, mam! May I have another?"
    Gene Ching
    Publisher www.KungFuMagazine.com
    Author of Shaolin Trips
    Support our forum by getting your gear at MartialArtSmart

  6. #6
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    Apparently assault+whiskey is foreplay for Lucas...you're one sick *******.

    Hmmm interesting subject, never been there completely, have been punched slapped by girlfriends before. It was a one time event, I never retaliated physically but I did break up with one of them immediately. It's hard for me to imagine a woman actually challenging me physically, I would easily be able to restrain or over power her. To me it's rediculous that you wouldn't either leave or restrain her, same goes for women in abusive relationships...first time it happens you're the victim, the second time you 'showed' up for it.

    As for a random assault in a bar or other such event, I don't believe women get a free pass if a woman strikes another person male or female the other person has every right to strike back.

    In my professional life as a mental health worker and ER Tech, I have been assaulted repeatedly by females...a combination of punches, kicks, biting, spitting, throwing chairs and dinner trays at me...never seriously injured...always was able to maintain my cool and restrain them or evade the assaults. It is within our right to use equal force when being assaulted but I never have against a woman. This one lady had assaulted me three days in a row and I had to remove myself from dealing with her because I began to resent her and was getting to a point where I would retaliate.

    In relation to your story, I think thats exactly what most people in long term relationships do...you put up with it for a while and eventually you get to your limit and explode in violence yourself. Be it male of female...thats why domestic violence issues are soo dangerous for the cops.

    PS Sanjuro, I'd have no problem decking you especially because you're a woman.
    "if its ok for shaolin wuseng to break his vow then its ok for me to sneak behind your house at 3 in the morning and bang your dog if buddha is in your heart then its ok"-Bawang

    "I get what you have said in the past, but we are not intuitive fighters. As instinctive fighters, we can chuck spears and claw and bite. We are not instinctively god at punching or kicking."-Drake

    "Princess? LMAO hammer you are such a pr^t"-Frost

  7. #7
    Personally, I greatly enjoy watching videos of mouthy broads who takes it for granted that men won't hit them back....attacking men, then get knocked the F out.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1uB7aU-U_d8

    Probably because I can't do it myself unless they can show that they're at my level or better. I can hit trained women at my MMA gym, but still not hard. I don't get threatened nor go into competitive mode when they land full, 100% powered punches. With men, I would give them the same or more back, even if they suck and landed a lucky one. Although, I have KO'ed a big beefy girl once because I warned here many times about throwing full knees at my healing cracked rib. She was landing with the point of the knee during 70% power sparring.

    But with girlfriends, relatives, etc. whom I know can't hurt me unless they have a weapon....no way would I hit them back. This is a good time to practice defense only. They gas, get ****ed, gas some more...then quit. Also, get surveillance cameras or those spy ones to prove that you weren't the aggressor.

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by gunbeatskroty View Post
    Personally, I greatly enjoy watching videos of mouthy broads who takes it for granted that men won't hit them back....attacking men, then get knocked the F out.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1uB7aU-U_d8

    Probably because I can't do it myself unless they can show that they're at my level or better. I can hit trained women at my MMA gym, but still not hard. I don't get threatened nor go into competitive mode when they land full, 100% powered punches. With men, I would give them the same or more back, even if they suck and landed a lucky one. Although, I have KO'ed a big beefy girl once because I warned here many times about throwing full knees at my healing cracked rib. She was landing with the point of the knee during 70% power sparring.

    But with girlfriends, relatives, etc. whom I know can't hurt me unless they have a weapon....no way would I hit them back. This is a good time to practice defense only. They gas, get ****ed, gas some more...then quit. Also, get surveillance cameras or those spy ones to prove that you weren't the aggressor.
    Too bad they're just not at your level, keep training bro one day you'll be able to fight one of them on equal terms.
    "if its ok for shaolin wuseng to break his vow then its ok for me to sneak behind your house at 3 in the morning and bang your dog if buddha is in your heart then its ok"-Bawang

    "I get what you have said in the past, but we are not intuitive fighters. As instinctive fighters, we can chuck spears and claw and bite. We are not instinctively god at punching or kicking."-Drake

    "Princess? LMAO hammer you are such a pr^t"-Frost

  9. #9
    Quote Originally Posted by Hebrew Hammer View Post
    Too bad they're just not at your level, keep training bro one day you'll be able to fight one of them on equal terms.
    hey thanks heeb.

  10. #10
    Quote Originally Posted by Lucas View Post
    I've been there once. It wasn't like relationship abuse or anything, just kind of random.

    I was at a local show, a crowd/music mixture of metal and punk rock.

    At one point I was outside in between sets, drinking some wiskey with a small group of people I didn't really know.

    Out of nowhere, this chick I don't even know starts just wailing on me. Not like a regular chick, but throwing fast straight and hook punches at my face.

    Totally blind sided. I remember saying wtf as I backed away and she kept the barrage going. I didn't know what to do, I certainly didn't want to hit her back at this point because she must have been confused and or high/drunk because I didn't know her.

    I ended up clinching her and walking her to a fence and holding her in place, asking her if she was done. When she quit struggling I let her go. Bam she's on me again. So I took her to the ground, mounted her waist and held her wrists and asked wtf she was doing. She cooled down and told me she attacked me because she was bored....

    I later found out she just wanted to see what I would do.

    I learned a couple things though. Restrain her movement, try and calm her, show her without hurting her that you are more physically powerful, it can help calm her down.

    Unless she has a real case of the psycho.

    Punk rock girls are crazy. Yes we had sex.
    Dude that's Klingon mating. never pegged you for a trekker

  11. #11
    I wonder how the original case that spawned the article was resolved. That just sucks.

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