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Thread: Challenges as a married person.

  1. #1

    Challenges as a married person.

    It feels like I live with my enemy. We fight almost every day. Now you say leave her, well not that easy. Anyways, all we have is problems. Communication is one of the biggest problems we have. We try to say something with the best intention possible but it just backfires. We all make mistakes but the consequences should not be to starve you on the first mistake. As a married person, what challenges are you always facing off?

  2. #2
    How about you guys? Waiting for any responses

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    IL
    Posts
    990
    Quote Originally Posted by highlypotion View Post
    It feels like I live with my enemy. We fight almost every day. Now you say leave her, well not that easy. Anyways, all we have is problems. Communication is one of the biggest problems we have. We try to say something with the best intention possible but it just backfires. We all make mistakes but the consequences should not be to starve you on the first mistake. As a married person, what challenges are you always facing off?
    Heaven and hell come from the same mind!
    Men are stupid ( I add myself to the mix) where what we see is our own intrinsic self vision but we often project that to the (in this case) female as if she was the generator of that vision when it is our own male 'ignorance'.

    Anais Nin said the following "We do not see things as they are, we see them as we are"

    Yesterday, I was clever, I wanted to change the world. Today, I am wise so I am changing myself. Rumi

    Don't grieve! Everything you lose comes around in a differnt form. Rumi

    If you are irritated by every rub, how will your mirror be polished? Rumi

    Forget safety Live where you fear to live, Destroy your reputation. Be notorious. Rumi

    Why do you stay in prison when the door is wide open. Rumi

    The babbling fool of some experience!

  4. #4
    Greetings highlypotion,

    Your posts suggest there was a very strong nonverbal component to your relationship that, after marriage, has diminished greatly. If this is the case, try to bring that back. Bring back the smiles, the touches, the embraces, the everything. Bring back what was there before.

    Additionally, if you are not attuned to your wife's monthly cycle, you are asking for trouble. Tune in if you have not already.

    mickey

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Dec 1969
    Location
    Mich.
    Posts
    342
    Communication is a big thing in any marriage.

    Marriage isn't 50/50, it is 100/100 on both people's part.

    A good book that helped me and my wife is the "Five Love Languages". People understand love in different ways and if you aren't speaking their language, then it can lead to trouble. For example, my wife values "acts of service" as her primary love language. It doesn't matter how much "words of affirmation" I give her or how many gifts I buy her. What does matter is the things I do for her that she knows that I love her. If I didn't know that I would be focusing on the wrong thing and not meeting her needs.

    One of the other things is setting aside a "date night" and date each other just like when you first met. Sometimes we won't even go out, but just plan a night together at home with a special meal, movie or something we enjoy.
    "God gave you a brain, and it annoys Him greatly when you choose not to use it."

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    IL
    Posts
    990
    There are times when the marriage has outlived its 'usefullness' for whatever reasons and we must move on, if that is what 'wisdom" dictates!
    There is no doubt that communication is essential but sometimes both parties are so disgusted with each other that the perceptions of thier own 'ego" (by itself, ego is not bad!) dictates that separation. Personally, and regardless of sides, communication has been 95/5, 70/30, 45/45, 60/40, etc and all manifestations thereof. 50/50 is a myth per my experience. There are times where my partner didn't want to communicate so I had to make the choice and the opposite happened. I realize I may be the exception but this 50/50 crap just has not been my reality but I praise those who proclaim that it has worked. May they be blessed with a long life free of worries!

    Again, nothing is "black" or "white". If children are involved then the struggle will be difficult but both have to do what is best to move on to the next level and when inequity is involved, it is even worse because women get less than a man (in many instances) per salary and the children have to be fed, then spousal support depending on the man's income, so the societal inequities makes worse the solution so many just leave the nest y "sea lo que sea" meainng whatver **** happens, then so be it. it beez like dat. This is the long translation.

    Yes, I just had to come back. Positivity is mah name!

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