"Do you get it's essence by devouring the chicken to it's bones?"
Do you call yourself a garage car mechanic by learning just how to check your oil and antifreeze levels? How about..do you call yourself a "historian" just because you read "Articles of the confederacy"? Nuff said.
"Pure theology"
So you and Si Jo Wang Lang were tight back in the day eh? I guess after dropping acid together, he said it came to him in a vision. No..seriously..were you there?
"Hell even I know that"
Yipee!!
"I've never seen Shaolin groundfighting(or at least Shaolin groundfighting not based on BJJ...."
Ever hear of Shuai-Jiao?
"I could even break out my Pa Kua Capoeria if I liked"
And that would still probably be more effective than SD.
What I think would be a fine idea sir..is to get a back issue of the "top 100 kung fu styles of the millenium" issue (Gene Ching's magazine..yes..the same Gene Ching who is a moderator on this site) and read it from front to back. Hint: there is no mention of Sin Kwang, Su Kong, a Shao-lin temple in Indonesia, a style with 900 forms or anything else.
For someone who ostensibly claims to know mantis and for someone who seems to express an intererest in it..why don't you do yourself a favor and study some mantis(regardless of branch) for a while?
There has got to be some in your neck of the woods(what state are you in btw? When in doubt..google)